All My Days
by JustAGirl93
Summary: Edward remembers his friendship with his best friend, Bella Swan. But years of tension pushed the two further and further apart, and when they are reunited again for Alice's wedding, he tries to remind her of what they once had. AH. AU. A Little OOC.
1. Surrender

**I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT OR IT'S CHARACTERS**

**Here's another story by me, but this one isn't going to be as long as _Colorblind_. Speaking of which, I do plan on completeing that story, but when I was in the middle of writing it, my family hit a rough patch, and it took me a while to get back on the writing train. So this story is a short one, about five chapters max, but they're long so it will be good. I will update this one quicker because the chapters are already almost all done. So enjoy this one for what it is, and I will finish _Colorblind _when this one is completed. This story will mostly, and probably, be in entirely Edward's POV.  
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**See you on the flip side :)**

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**EPOV**

Ever since I could remember, she was always there. Right from the first day when my mother, Esme, forced me to walk through those dreaded doors of preschool, to the moment when I asked my first crush out on my first official date in junior high, my first kiss, my first everything. Bella Swan was there every step of the way, and she never let go. But I did, I foolishly let her go, and did nothing but continuously push her away.

***

_Grade 10 / March 2002_

"_Bella," I whined as she giggled and pulled my sketch book off my lap and started sprinting toward the other side of the meadow. _

"_C'mon Edward, you've been drawing in that damn book all day," she taunted me, "Let's have some fun for once."_

_I rolled my eyes. "I'm not just drawing here Bells; I'm actually working on my composition for my art class." _

_Bella and I were both sophomores in high school and she obviously didn't take her work load as seriously as I did. "Edward, no ones going to have that done other than you and you know it." _

"_That's not the point Bella. It's not what other people do what matters, it's what I do that does," I laughed as I pounced at her, knocking her to the ground with a solid 'humph' escaping from her chest. She rolled herself over under my grasp and hid the book from me under her left side. I went with my other tactic: I attacked her ribs._

"_Edward...no...Wait...stop!" She laughed as I worked on tickling her up and down her sides until I was able to free my sketch book from the imprisonment of her firm grasp. Once I had my sketch book back, I got up and took it back to where I was originally seated in the middle of the meadow._

"_You're so, studious Edward," she huffed as she heaved herself up off the ground and skipped over to my side. Bella was usually a very clumsy person, but in our meadow she always seemed so sure of herself. It was almost graceful in a way._

"_Well, when I'm a doctor living in the biggest house in Seattle, you'll be sorry you didn't finish your homework." She only laughed at me, "See, right there just proves that you're more of a nerd than you let on." _

_I glared at her, and returned my attention to the book in my lap. "I asked if you wanted to come with me out of common courtesy Bella, you knew what I was going to be doing out here. If you didn't want to be bored out of your mind, you could have gone shopping with Alice and Rose." _

_Bella huffed, and threw herself down on the blanket beside me. "I never said I was bored out of my mind, I just wanted to get you to play around like we used to before you convinced yourself that you need a 4.0 GPA to be like Carlisle. If you remember, we used to have actual, full, blown out fun," she emphasized with her hands. _

_I did recall all of the times that Bella and I would just run away out here for a day. We would skip class in junior high and come out here to talk about everything we wanted to. Whether it was music, my infatuation with Tanya, her mother leaving and marrying a new man, Alice and Jasper finally getting together after a lifetime of friendship; anything and everything we did or talked about was sacred in our meadow._

_When I looked back down at Bella, it had appeared that she had fallen asleep. Her eyes were closed, and she wore a content but yet subtle look on her face. Her mouth was closed and formed the perfect line, and her hair cascaded over her shoulders that created a perfect moulding for her face. _

_I caught myself staring at my best friend longer then I should have been. I was dating Tanya, but I never told her about our meadow. We rarely talked about Bella, Tanya and I. Tanya thought that Bella and I were friends like I was with my Emmett's girlfriend – and Jasper's sister – Rosalie. But Bella and I were closer then that and I subconsciously knew that Tanya was aware of it._

_An hour later, after I finished my composition, I lied down beside Bella and listened to her breath. It was calming and relaxing, and I too eventually fell asleep. _

_The sound of ringing in my ears awoke me from my slumber. It wasn't until I felt something being chucked at my chest did my eyes bust open. Bella was standing up in front of me flicking little pebbles down at my chest._

"_That damn phone has been going off steady for an hour now. I suggest that you answer it," she said coldly as she turned away from me and started putting her things back into her book bag. _

_Shit, I knew our big rule in the meadow: do not keep cell phones on in the meadow, only in the case of an emergency. I broke that rule, and now Tanya was calling me on my cell. Well, this better be an emergency. _

"_Hello?" I answered groggily, as I watched Bella roll up the blanket we were just peacefully sleeping on. "Edward, I was wondering where you are. I just called your house, and Alice said that she didn't know where you were. Did you forget what today was?" Tanya asked me. I sighed; this wasn't an emergency that Bella and I had established that would be considered one when we made up the rules of the meadow as kids. _

"_I'm sorry Tanya, I've just been a little pre-occupied today," I apologized. I looked back at Bella who was grimacing as she started on her own homework. "Oh, well Edward today is the first night of our six month anniversary week celebrations, remember? You promised me that you would take me to the fireworks by the bay to kick off the week." _

_I hadn't forgotten I just lost track of time. I loved my girlfriend - I did - I just didn't see why we had to celebrate it for a whole week_

"_Of course Tanya, I remembered. I'll be by to pick you up at, let's say eight o'clock tonight?" Like the original plan was, I thought bitterly to myself._

"_Alright Edward, I'll see you then, bye." I could hear the smile in her voice as she hung up the phone. When I looked up in front of me, Bella was sitting cross legged on a tree stump, looking focused on her homework, but I knew well enough that she wasn't doing it. _

"_Umm...look Bells, I gotta get going," Bella just nodded once, but didn't look up to meet my eyes. "Tanya and I are celebrating our six month anniversary, and tonight is the first night, so..." I trailed off, hoping that she would say something, but I wasn't a hundred percent sure what I wanted to hear._

"_Why was your phone on Edward?" That wasn't it. _

"_What do you mean Bella?" I thought it would be best to play dumb even though I knew exactly what she was getting at. "You know exactly what I mean Edward, we are in the meadow," she stressed the importance of it as she hissed at me, but I knew what it meat._

_It was in this meadow that Bella ran to when her mom ran out on them, where I came when I found out that Esme was first diagnosed with cancer, where I came when I found out that Esme had fought it off and would live healthily, where Bella and I shared our first kiss at the age of thirteen, where we had our first real fight – about Tanya. _

_This meadow held everything for us, and cell phones as communication to the cruel outside world were strictly prohibited. _

"_I'm sorry Bella, I really am, but what do you expect me to do? She is my girlfriend, and this week is important to her, to our relationship, it's kind of monumental." _

_Bella shook her head, "I get that Edward, I really do. But the meadow is important to our friendship," she sighed before continuing, "Look, just go on your date, I gotta go back to your place anyway and get ready for mine," she said as she huffed and stood up, slinging her book bag over her shoulder. _

_I froze. "You're...wait, what?" I asked in disbelief. We had been here practically the entire day, and she didn't feel the need to tell me at all? Saying that I was a little bit miffed was an understatement. _

"_Yeah, Alice is helping get ready for my date with Alec," she explained nonchalantly as she moved around me and made her way to the trail that led back to the main road, but I grabbed her wrist before she could get away from me. _

"_Alec, as in grade one Alec?" I asked with distaste. In grade one Alec and I were practically mortal enemies. He did whatever he could to get me into trouble, and by the end of grade three he had his family had packed up to move. But somehow he had managed to appear as the golden boy to everyone else, especially Bella. _

_Recently Alec had moved back, and it was clear to everyone else besides her that he had a thing for her._

_Bella rolled her eyes, "Not that it's any of your business, but yeah." She ripped her hand from mine and stormed past me at an increasingly fast pace. _

"_But Bella, you know how I feel about him, he's done nothing but get me in shit since we were kids. Even when he didn't live here he managed to cause problems." _

_Bella merely scoffed and didn't slow her steps. "Really Edward, you have to let that whole elementary school grudge go." _

"_We've been here practically all day Bella, why didn't you say anything?" I asked after I couldn't take any more of her sticking up for him. Bella just shrugged, "I don't know, it never came up, and I knew that you would act this way." Well, shit, I despised the guy._

_I watched her stalk away from me, feeling utterly betrayed. I didn't know why, I mean its not like Bella and I did everything together – wait, we did._

_We walked in silence back to my car, both of us not saying anything at all, both of us lost in our thoughts. She finally broke the silence, "Seriously though, what do you think about him? I...I mean w-why don't you like him?" she stuttered while trying to get her words across. _

_I shrugged my shoulders, "Because he's always been an ass." I figured that was as good enough a reason as any. But Bella didn't seem to agree because she snorted and stopped walking. "Emmett likes him. So why don't you?" She asked, halting her movements. _

"_Because he and Emmett are on the same football team, they like the same things and want the same things," I started walking again, leaving Bella standing alone behind me. _

_"They both want the pretty cheerleader on their arm, and don't have a brain in their heads to think for themselves." _

"_Hey," Bella called out from behind me, "What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, clearly appealed with what I had just said. "Are you trying to say that I'm not a Lauren, or a Jessica? And why are you getting all hypocritical, Tanya is on the same squad. And you just basically put both Rosalie and your brother down."_

_She was right about Tanya, but I knew that Tanya had a decent head on her shoulders. But Bella misunderstood me that was not what I was getting at, at all. "I may not be a blond bimbo, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't like me for me." _

"_No, Bella that's not what I meant at all. Look, I just don't want you to get hurt by expecting something more from him when he is the last person to give you what you want." I tried to explain, but it didn't seem like Bella was getting past what I had said earlier. _

"_Edward, just because I refuse to let Alice play 'dress-up' with me everyday, doesn't mean that I can't win that damn pageant at school."_

"_Bella, believe me when I say that I know you can. You have that pageant down if you entered, you could kick Stanley's ass any day. But, I'm just saying that Alec isn't going to be what you think he is once you get to know him. I'm just looking out for you here Bells."_

_She sighed and continued walking ahead of me at an extremely sluggish pace. _

_"Yeah I know you mean well Edward, so thank you for looking out for me. But I think I know Alec a little more than you do, because you never gave him the chance. So please let me decide for myself, okay?" _

_Bella looked so hopeful that I couldn't help but agree with her. I wanted her to know that I trusted her and her belief system. _

"_Good, now...race you!" she screamed and laughed as she took off running the rest of the way to the car. Bella wasn't one for sports or running, but when she was here with me, she once told me that she felt she could do anything. And that made me feel good, knowing that I made my best friend feel invincible against all odds – even if that included Alec Witter._

***

Grade ten changed everything between Bella and me. After her date with Alec, they went out again, and again. Till one night, when we were just hanging out in my room like old times, she stated that she wanted to go steady with Alec, and that he asked her to wear his class ring.

Now of course I thought that was really cheesy, especially since I hadn't given anything to Tanya, but Bella proved to be a typical girl in that moment and got all gushy over it. My best friend had her first boyfriend, and she was beyond happy about it.

Bella and I saw less and less of each other. She began sitting with Emmett and Rose at their table with Alec, and I sat with Alice and Jasper, and Tanya and her friends at hers. At junior prom, Bella went with Alec and I went with Tanya.

I didn't admit it at the time, but Bella was absolutely gorgeous in a dress that she picked out by herself. Alice insisted on taking Bella, and to all of our surprise, Bella didn't protest. She went willingly and picked a dress out on her own that managed to get Alice's seal of approval.

She smiled as she came down from Alice's room and marched right up to me and twirled. She asked me what I thought, and when I didn't say anything but a mumbled 'Wow' she blushed that beautiful cream red. My blush.

When Alec came to pick her up, he too was left speechless. I remember feeling jealous as he pulled her hand up to his lips and kissed it lightly. When she blushed – my Bella blush – I internally growled. Tanya looked up at me and took my hand in hers trying to get my attention. But I couldn't take my eyes off of the angel that just left with another suitor.

Tanya and I won for Junior King and Queen that night, and Bella left early with Alec. My heart clenched as I watched them walk out of the gym after Tanya and I walked up on stage.

At the end of the night, I took a detour by Bella's house when I went to drop off Tanya. I remember hearing Tanya protest on how her house was on the other side of town, but I just had to make sure that Bella was home safe.

As I drove by, I saw Bella and Alec sitting on her porch in the swing talking. She looked happy with a small smile on her lips. Satisfied that Charlie was home with them, I proceeded to drive Tanya home.

When I got home, I went right up to my room and closed the door. My feelings were all over the place, and I didn't know what was wrong with me. I saw my best friend like I never had before the last few months and suddenly everything changed.

***

_Grade 11 / September 2002_

_I was sitting at my desk, talking to Bella about our new chemistry class. It appeared that Mr. Banner taught both biology and chemistry, but didn't know too much about either. Just as I was getting to the topic of our art class that Mr. Hodgson was teaching this year, I turned to Bella and saw that she wasn't even paying attention to me; instead she was staring down at her phone, while blushing and silently laughing to herself._

_ "Bella," I asked, trying to get attention, "What's so funny?" Bella looked up at me startled, as if she had been caught, and only blushed harder._

_ "Alec, he just...his text...let's just say he enjoys texting," she blushed again nervously as she averted her eyes from me and returned her focus back to her phone – to Alec. _

_ I was getting a little tired of Alec. Bella and I didn't talk anymore, and I know it might not have been right, but I blamed him for it. Ever since he came into the picture, he had been spending more and more time with Bella. During the summer, I only saw Bella a total of seven times. The rest of it was spent with him, and the other half was spent with her mother in Florida. I missed my best friend. _

_ "So, what it's been six months for you two now?" _

_ Bella nodded and grinned, "Yep," she answered me, successfully popping the 'P' to some extent. "Actually, he's taking me out for my birthday this year, and it's also connected with our anniversary." She seemed pleased with this, but something told me she forgot one thing. _

_ "What about our tradition?" Bella and I had an annual tradition for her birthday. Ever since we were six, every year on Bella's birthday, the two of us would go into town and pick out an outrageous gift that she wouldn't normally ask for that I would buy, and then we would go and actually use it. _

_One year she asked for a moose hat with actual antlers attached to the sides, and then we ran all around town, and took pictures of all the people that we seen while wearing it with the camera that her father had given her. The scrap book that we put together afterwards still sat in her room on her night stand. _

_ Bella shrugged, "We can do it before I go out to dinner, or what about the next day? I know it's not my official birthday, but that won't matter too much," she offered, but it wasn't the same. _

_ "Bella, this is something that we do every year, can't you just go out for dinner the next night?" _

_ "No, Edward look, this is six months here. It's an important milestone, and the reservations have already been made." Reservations? Where in the hell would they need reservations to go eat? _

_ "Reservations for where, are you going to Seattle or something?" Bella glared at me. "No, Edward we're not going to Seattle. Actually, we're going to that new restaurant that they just opened in Port Angeles on Marina Drive." _

_ "So, that's seriously what you're doing for your birthday?" I asked skeptically. Bella nodded once, "Alice thought it was a good idea," of course Alice would, she's a girl too and falls for all that mushy stuff, "Edward, I better go. I have to finish that chemistry assignment still, so I'll see you tomorrow at school."_

_ Bella got up and hopped off my bed, before she left she bounced happily over to where I was sitting and patted my head playfully. _

_ When Bella's birthday rolled around, she didn't come over to have Alice help her get ready like she usually did. Over the summer, Bella picked up on Alice's habits and no longer needed her assistance on preparing for her dates. _

_ So it was just Tanya and I sitting in my room that Saturday night. She was sitting on the floor by the bookshelf reading her assigned novel for English while I was sitting at my computer, just staring at the screen in front of me - I was too busy thinking about what Bella was doing on her birthday. _

_ "Ahem," Tanya cleared her throat from the corner, breaking my Bella trance. I looked up from the screen and seen Tanya anxiously playing with the pages of her book. "Edward is there something wrong?" she finally asked when I continued staring at her blankly._

_ Was something wrong? Well, I was sitting in my room with my kind and caring girlfriend who I had been with for almost a year, and all I could do was think about my best friend who was on her own anniversary/birthday date with her own boyfriend. Yes, I'd say something was mentally, and definitely, wrong with me._

_ "No, why would you ask?" Tanya started at me blankly. _

_"Oh, I don't know Edward, you've just been sitting there staring at your computer screen on a Saturday night when your girlfriend is sitting on your floor, bored as a two by four. Oh, and the picture on your desktop just happens to be of Bella Swan. So you tell me, is there something on your mind?" Tanya was very perceptive, why hadn't I noticed this before? _

_ "I just...that...well today is Bella's birthday and we usually do something together every year, but this year she's out with...Alec." _

_ Tanya stared at me like I was crazy, like she didn't understand why I was making a big deal about everything. "So what, her boyfriend took her out for her birthday. That's not that big a deal Edward, it's not like...like..." Tanya trailed off and stared at me, her mouth hanging open as she looked at me in shock. "Oh my god, I can't believe you've finally noticed," she whispered as she brought her hand up to cover her open and shocked mouth. _

_ She got up and scurried to the bed, scrambling to collect her things. "Tanya, what's wrong? Where are you going?" I asked her as I shot up from my chair. She ran to my shelf and gathered together all the things that were hers._

_ "I knew this would happen I knew that it was going to happen eventually, when I first met you and Bella freshman year. This was inevitable, and I only prolonged it. I...I'm sorry Edward but, you're in love with her." _

_ Tanya was on the brink of tears as she looked up at me. "Wait, Tanya just hold on here, what are you talking about? Bella is my best friend, you're my girlfriend. I love you, not her." I tried to calm down and understand what she was saying, but Tanya just placed her hands in mine and sat down on the edge of the bed in front of me. _

"_Edward look, you may not realize it now, but I see what's happening here. You're falling in love with her," her voice broke as she leaned forward and pulled back her long hair from her face. _

"_No Tanya, Bella and I are friends, that's it –" _

"_Edward will you stop lying to yourself!" She yelled as she stood up again. "How have you been looking at her lately? Has it been different? Like every time you see Alec take her in his arms, does it just make you want to rip his arms off and take her away with you? Do you loath him every time you know what he gets to take her out on dates? Like right now?" she asked. I tried not to listen, but everything that she was saying was true, I had been noticing Bella differently, and it was more then just friendship. _

"_Jealously is a bitch isn't it Edward?" she asked with a weak and humourless chuckle. _

_"You know, I always wanted what you and Bella had. She was your best friend; you two always had private conversations with your eyes, like you just knew what the other was thinking at one moment, it was almost as if you two were in on a secret that no one else knew about. You smile at her when she is chewing on her lip, or simply sitting in class. You never look at me like that, and it kills me. I love you Edward, but it's clear that you don't love me the same way. You know, I always knew that you never did, I just always...forced myself to hope that you eventually would." _

_Silent tears rolled down Tanya's cheek as she poured a years worth of bottled up emotion to me. _

_We stood there, in the center of my room, looking at each other and not saying anything. Tanya smiled half heartedly, "Goodbye Edward, I'll drop your stuff off tomorrow with Rosalie at work," she kissed my cheek one last time before she turned and picked up her bag and headed for the door._

"_Tanya, I..." I didn't know how to respond to her. I felt like such an idiot, so I said the only thing I could think to say, "I'm sorry." _

_Tanya nodded once, "I'm sorry too, Edward. Just...don't be sorry to her, give you guys a chance – you deserve it." And that was the last thing Tanya and I said to each other as a couple. _

_She closed the door behind her and left me alone - utterly alone. I lost Tanya, Bella was with Alec, and I was completely confused on how I felt about everything._

_I grabbed my jacket and ran out to the garage and hopped onto my jet black BMW K 1200 motor bike. I had no idea where I was riding to, but I knew I wasn't stopping till I was there._

_Thirty minutes later I was outside of a newer building that I had never seen before in Port Angles. I was at Bella's birthday dinner. I wasn't sure why I was brought here; it was almost as if my bike knew exactly where to take me. _

_I walked into the restaurant, looking for Bella. I checked my watch and it was quarter to seven, so they had to be here since they had reservations for six thirty. _

_Sure enough, when I looked around the corner of the separation wall in the restaurant, Bella and Alec were sitting at a candle lit table looking over menus. And she looked beautiful. Bella's Dress was black that sat just above her knee, she wore boots that matched perfectly, and her hair cascaded down her back in loose curls. She looked beautiful, and then there was Alec. _

_When I saw him with her my heart raced, and I found my legs marching forward toward their table, ignoring the hostess that was trying to get my attention. _

_When I got closer to their table, she spotted me, and immediately looked worried. She could instantly tell by the look on my face that something was wrong. _

"_Edward," she said once I was standing at their table. Alec threw me an annoyed and very pissed off glare, but Bella and I both ignored him. What we had was stronger then a six month relationship, Bella and I were completely focused on just the two of us._

"_Edward, what's wrong? What happened? Is everything okay?" she asked, panicked as she took in my form. I rapidly shook my head, not able to say a word, because truthfully, I didn't know what was wrong. Oh yeah, she was with him and not with me. _

"_Bella, I-I need to talk to you," I stuttered as I looked down at her, hoping that she would see the urgency in my eyes. She did, but was interrupted. _

"_Edward, can this wait? Bella and I were just about to order," Alec broke our connection, and we both turned our attention to the boy sitting across from the prettiest angel in the room. _

"_Look, I'm sorry Alec, but I really need to talk to Bella," I tried to reason with him, but he only seemed to make this harder on all of us. _

"_This is our anniversary dinner Cullen, so if you have something to say to Bella, I suggest you say it now, before our waiter comes." _

_Alec was really getting on my last nerve. I turned to Bella, hoping that she would get up and come with me out to the bike, but she just remained sitting across from the jerk of the century. _

"_Bella," I gestured for her to get up, leaving the option up to her. Bella's eyes shifted from me and then to Alec. She was clearly torn, but she needed to make this decision. I saw what she was going to do, so I turned sharply and headed back for my bike. I didn't look back; I just drove back to the place that felt most like home to me at that moment. _

_The meadow was colder and darker then I remembered. There was a distant sound of laughing in my memory. The sun was beating down, it was warm, and the flowers were blooming all around us. The meadow was perfect, and I closed my eyes and basked in the memory. _

_The words that Tanya said earlier haunted my mind. Was she right? Did I love Bella? She was my best friend in the entire world, and I knew that sounded really fucking corny but it was true. She knew me inside and out, and everything big that happened in my life was with her. _

_She was my first call, even today when Tanya broke up with me, I went straight to her. When I wasn't around her it almost felt as though it was hard to breath or even function properly. _

_Lately everything's been changing. Bella has been more outgoing, social and more reserved. I missed my best friend, but was it for the same reason as before? I liked to think so, but deep down I knew it wasn't the same. Everything was different, we were different._

_Just then, in the middle of my thoughts, I heard rustling in the bushes. Toward the other end of the meadow, the leaves were moving, and a figure was merging from the edge of the meadow. I looked up, slightly panicked that what I was seeing could possibly be a bear or something, but when I looked up again, Bella was standing on the meadows edge._

_We stared at each other, silently reading the others unspoken thoughts. I took in Bella's appearance, and she was wearing the same outfit she had on at the restaurant, only now her boots were full of hardened mud from making the trek through the forest to get here. _

"_Bella, w-what about your dinner?" I asked as she started to make her way over to me. "I mean, you're here I thought that you..." I trailed off when I seen a store bag clutched in her hand. By now Bella was standing in front of me, looking me straight in the eyes. _

"_Edward it's my seventeenth birthday, I have a tradition to keep with my best friend," she smiled up at me while she held the bag in front of me to grab. I grinned at her, there's my girl. _

"_But," she cut me off as she ripped the bag away from my hands, "There's something seriously bothering you that you clearly wanted to talk about, so spill." Bella challenged me as she pulled the bag and hid it from my view behind her._

_I sighed in defeat and gave in. "Tanya and I broke up tonight."_

"_What? Why, Edward?" Bella sounded pained as she asked her question. I really didn't know how to answer that. 'Because I love you and not her', that just didn't sound right. I still didn't know if it was right. _

"_I don't know she just broke up with me. She kept talking about how I don't love her certain way, and them I don't know, we just kind of ended things after that." _

_I stayed calm, and drifted off into thought again. Bella's hand found mine in that time, and brought me back to reality. Her hand was soft and gentle in mine as she made circles with her thumb on my palm. Her hand felt really fragile, and somehow it fit perfectly. I loved the feeling of it being there, almost as if it felt...I don't know, prefect?_

_She comforted me, till something suddenly dawned on me. "How did you get here Bella?" _

_She smiled timidly up at me as she spoke, "I explained to Alec that you would of only came to the restaurant if something was seriously bothering you and that it had to be important. And of course he got all upset talking about how much planning he put into this night. So we talked about it, and he eventually came around and I told him that I was going to find my own ride home. So I left, hopped into a taxi, stopped at a store that I seen on the side of the road bought my gift, and got the taxi to drop me off on the side of the road at the beginning of the trail. Got out, paid him and walked way here."_

"_Bella, I was supposed to buy your gift," I wined as she showed me the bag again. "I figured that it didn't matter who bought it, in the end we both use it and I already know what it is anyway. But if you really want to, you can reimburse me later," she rolled her eyes as she walked over the blanket that I was sitting on earlier and took a seat. _

"_Good, I'd rather pay for it; it is your birthday after all." I grinned down at her as she pulled the different items out of the bag._

_In her hands, Bella held a single package of two Twinkies, a package of Jerky, two cans of Sprite, and a simple, yet small, golden telescope. _

_I stared at Bella, wondering what she was thinking when she picked up this years birthday gift. A lot of this stuff was random but none of it was outrageous._

"_So, what's with the random selection?" I asked after she looked at me expectantly. "Well," she began as she patted the ground for me to take seat next to her, "I didn't get to eat my dinner, hence the Jerky and Sprite, and the Twinkies sub in for my cake. The telescope is my gift. I know it's not very outrageous, but...it's not everyday that a girl gets to look up at the stars above Forks," she said as she motioned above our heads with her hands._

_Through the clearing, there was a perfect circle above our heads that gave us a perfect viewing of the stars above us. In Forks, there was usually overcast, so star gazing was usually out of the question. But not tonight, tonight was an exception. _

"_And I liked it, it was gold." Bella laughed as she got up and ran with it to the center of the clearing to look up. Bella looked beautiful under the stars in her dress, almost mythical. It wasn't often when Bella Swan wore a nice dress, but when she did, you definitely noticed. _

_I looked down, and saw the Jerky and Twinkies, and I suddenly felt bad for ruining her night. If anyone deserved to have a nice dinner and cake on their birthday, it was Bella. _

_So I looked around me and picked up a twig on the ground closest to me. I cleaned it off as best as I could with the sleeve of my shirt, and stuck it in the middle of the Twinkie. I glanced up to make sure that Bella's attention was still on the stars. When it was, I pulled my lighter out of my pocket and lit the twig. _

_Slowly, I walked up behind Bella and whispered, "Happy Birthday to you," in a sing song voice. Bella abruptly looked back at me when she heard me approaching, and smiled as she took me in. _

"_Edward, what..." she smiled at me as she walked to meet me half way. "You deserve a wish Bella, so take it, and be sure to make it a good one." _

_Bella smiled and thought for about two seconds before she blew out the single light. She looked just like a little girl in that moment, and when she was done, the biggest smile spread out across her face. "Thank you," she whispered, before she pulled the twig out of the Twinkie and shoved the whole thing in her mouth like a smug child. _

_I laughed at her carefree nature and joked, "Always so childish no matter how old you are. So, what did you wish for?" I asked as she tried to swallow the rest of the Twinkie down. She shook her head, "Can't tell, or it won't come true," she said with a semi-full mouth. _

_For the rest of the night, we sat silently on the blanket, talking and taking turns to look up at the stars through Bella's golden telescope. Bella was lying on my arm and her head was resting in the crook of my neck. I could tell that she was cold, so I wrapped my arm and the rest of the blanket securely around her shoulders. _

"_Edward, are you sure you're alright?" she muttered after we hadn't said anything for awhile. I smiled and nodded once, "I am now." _

"_I meant about the whole Tanya thing. I know you really cared about her," she said absentmindedly, as if more to herself then to me. _

_I just shrugged my shoulders as best as I could with Bella lying there. It was true I did care for Tanya, but not enough apparently._

"_I did, but she clearly wasn't the one." I could tell by Bella's ragged breathing that she was starting to fall asleep at my side. I kissed the top of her head, and leaned back, enjoying the feeling of her in my arms. _

***

That was the night I had realized that I was if fact, in love with my best friend Bella Swan. Her seventeenth birthday was monumental to me in so many different ways. I had pushed her away the year that I was with Tanya, pushed her right toward Alec. In a way Tanya blinded me from what was in front of me all along, but in the end, Tanya was the one that helped me see what I was ignoring for years. _I loved Bella Swan._

"Edward," there was a loud pounding noise coming from the other side of my door just then. "Alice, I'm almost done, give me ten more minutes!" I shouted back at my aggravated little sister Alice.

Jasper and Alice were getting married, and our whole family was once again reunited in our little home town or Forks. I was glad that people only get married once, because Alice was one serious bridezilla not to be reckoned with. Her wrath in bridezilla mode was more than excruciating.

Alice busted through my door then. "Edward, it's my engagement party. I need you to be down there now. As Jasper's best man, and most importantly as my brother, you really need to be down there," she scolded me as she rushed over to help me with me tie.

"Don't panic Edward," Alice reminded me. She knew everything about...well _it _and she knew that I would over analyze it on no end.

"But what if..."I trailed off, not wanting to ask the question that she already knew the answer to.

"Edward, I love you, but you're going to have to lighten up. She's my maid of honour, so _please _just tell her. After all this time, now's the time to tell her."

"Alice, I've tried telling her, but she doesn't-"

"No, Edward you haven't tried telling her. You've danced around the truth your entire lives, and lost her. Now that she's back you have to tell her the truth." Alice said, affectively cutting me off.

"But Alice..." Alice surprised me by slapping me across the face. You wouldn't think that Alice's slaps would hurt, but right now she was currently in bridezilla mode, so trust me when I say that it did.

"No 'buts' Edward, we're all home now. We're all older, and it's now or never." Alice threw me one last meaningful and menacing look before she closed the door behind her and left me in my teenage room alone.

Bella had flown in from New York to be here for Alice's wedding, Alice had insisted on it since Bella 'was going to be her maid of honour no matter what'. Bella had become a writer for a magazine in the city, and was currently living in New York, where as I was an executive for an advertising company and living in Chicago. Needless to say that the two of us lost our way after high school. But not anymore.

Alice was right, it was now or never. Tonight I would be seeing Bella Swan again for the first time in years, and this time, I wasn't letting her get away without a fight.

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**My chapters for this story will be a mix from past to present, and as the story progresses, it will reveal what happened to them, and how they got to where they are. **

**Please leave a review, I would really like to see what you all think about this story, and if you want, you can check out my other story too. Reviews feed the brain, and my brain could use a few more calories ;)**

**Until Next Time,  
**

**_~JustAGirl93_  
**


	2. You're So Sober

**SM (who sadly isn't me) OWNS TWILIGHT AND ALL IT'S CHARACTERS**

**Yes, this chapter took longer then I said it would, but as always, life gets in the way. And it may not look like it, but it is in fact shorter than the last one by over a thousand words, so that's not to shabby. But the next one will be up sometime this weekend hopefully**, **and will be a lot shorter than the first two, it was the first two that had a lot of flashbacks (btw, this chapter is mostly in flashback tense) and the other chapters will be mostly in present tense. So, happy readings :) **

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Chapter 2: You're So Sober **

_April 2004_

_Emmett was just getting in from practice, and despite as much as it fucking pissed me off, Alec was with him; the Alec that caused me to see less and less of Bella every day, that same Alec that pushed her further and further away from her dreams, and the same Alec that made _my_ girl hide under the bleachers to cry because the damn bastard yelled at her, and just because me of me, of all people. _

_In my point of view, he had nothing to worry about. From what I could see Bella was mad for him, that girl would do anything he asked her too. But he still didn't seem to trust us. Much to my dismay, Bella didn't harbour any unspoken feelings for me. All she felt there was friendship. That's why it surprised me when I walked off the field after gym class to find Bella crying under the bleachers. _

"_Bella, what…" I looked over at my best friend who was crying and practically falling apart in the corner of the stands. Bella instantly stopped crying and turned slowly to look at me. "Shit," she swore under her breath as she turned away from me to wipe her tears. My Bella never hid from me, but then again she wasn't really my Bella to begin with._

"_Bells, what happened?" I asked in a low voice, trying not to lose my temper. Bella just stiffened and got up to walk away from me, "Nothing, I'm fine," was her weak attempt at an excuse. _

"_Bella, you are not fine. Tell me what happened," I said more sternly, no longer giving her the option. "Edward really, it's no big deal, it's just female things…" _

"_Damnit Bella, tell me what happened," I nearly shouted. Bella flinched at my tone and turned a little more toward me, finally giving in. The tears that she had already shed were still clearly visible on her cheeks. _

"_It's nothing major Edward really. I just got into a little fight with Alec that's all," she sniffled as she moved to walk around me. This was clearly not nothing._

"_Bella, it's obviously something if you're crying over it." I countered. _

"_I wasn't crying earlier Edward; I just kind of started after I came here to think over everything that he said. You shouldn't be here," she said hesitantly. _

_I wasn't going to lie, it hurt badly when Bella said that she didn't want me there, but I knew there was more to it, so I didn't give up. _

"_Bella what is going on here? It's me we're talking about; we've always been able to tell each other everything."_

_Tears continued to fall down Bella's face, "I know, but Edward…we fought about…you," she said in a whisper as silent sobs escaped her chest, as she turned her back to me. _

_I was frozen, why would they fight about me? Was Alec intimidated by me? No, that couldn't be it, I mean he had everything I wanted, why would he be intimidated by me?_

"_Bella…" _

"_Edward, just don't say anything alright? It's just something that he brings up all the time. He does nothing but complain about 'Edward this,' or 'Edward that.' He really has a bad habit of talking about you," she grimaced, trying to make a joke out of the matter. But this didn't really seem like a joke to her. _

"_Bella, what stuff does he say that makes you so upset?" I asked, both wanting and not wanting the answer._

"_Nothing major, really," I gave Bella another cold look before she continued. "Look, he's just…I don't know, suspicious of our relationship I guess you can say. I keep trying to tell him that you have no feelings like that toward me what so ever, but he doesn't fall for it. And then he accuses me of lying to him, and that I love you. But every time I try to explain to him the essence our relationship, which I don't think I should have to in the first place, he blows up at me…" I knew there was more to this when Bella only continued to drag on. _

"_There's more isn't there? I can tell, go on." Bella looked at me skeptically then sighed. _

"_Well it got worse today. At lunch we were talking about…I honestly don't remember now…but then all of a sudden he asked why we always had to talk about you. I said that we never talked about you, and then he yelled and pointed a finger at me and said that I always bring you up. And then I thought about it, and I guess I do bring you up in conversation from time to time, but I can't help it you're my best I told him that, and he just lost it. Saying that this was the last straw…and he…gave me a…ultimatum..." _

_Bella stalled again, and I suddenly didn't want to know what this ultimatum was. _

_I already had an idea of what she was going to say next, and I knew what she would pick and who would be left alone in the end. It all made sense; destiny was finally going to be set right; me alone and Bella forever happy._

"_He said…it was him or you, and if I chose wrong, then it would be the end of us…completely." Bella looked as if her heart was breaking just by thinking it and I didn't want to stand in the way of causing her pain any longer. She deserved to be happy, and if I had to give her up so she could achieve that happiness, I would. _

"_Bella, I know what you feel for him," I tried to get everything I needed to say all out in one single breath, but my voice got caught in my throat as my own heart broke at the thought of what I was going to do. "So I think that you should do what you want," even though I'd hate him for the rest of my life for taking you away from me._

_Bella turned abruptly and stared at me with shock and disbelief laced all over her tear stained eyes. "Edward, what are you talking about?" Bella sounded appalled and anger started to creep up into her features. _

"_You love him Bella, I can see that. You can't turn away from that just because you feel like you owe me; you don't owe me anything Bella." _

_Bella marched right up to me and looked me straight in the eye, fury and determination coming from every pore in her body. _

_"Edward, you are my best friend," she practically shouted as she kept eye contact with me, "I am not going to tune you out of my life just because some idiot I happen to be seeing doesn't want you in it. That's to damn bad for him; if he wants to be in my future then he has to get used of you always being there, and that goes for any other guy that I might see. Edward you're my main guy, never forget that," she cried as she threw herself into my arms. _

_I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Was it possible that Bella felt even a shed for me as what I felt for her? I didn't know and at that point I didn't care, I just wrapped my arms securely around her. _

"_I'm sorry Bella I jus-"_

"_You were just being stupid," she joked as she hit me in the arm. "So, I need a ride home my main man, how about you hit me up with one," she grinned as she hooked her arm in mine, completely disregarding why she was crying in the first place._

_Emmett and Alec walked into the house, both of them muddy and drenched from football practice. They were laughing about something when they came in the door, and Alec suddenly stopped when he spotted me leaning on the living room door frame. _

_Emmett shifted his eyes back and forth from me and Alec nervously, "Yeah…well I'm going up to have a shower," he said quickly as he ran up the stairs. Alec and I continued to glare at each other. _

"_So Cullen, why are you looking at me so seriously, have you finally come out of the closet? I mean if you couldn't hold Lose Tanya, then..." he taunted me as he moved further into the house. _

_It pissed me off on how he described Tanya, but I let it slide because I had bigger fish to fry. "So, I seen your girlfriend after school," instantly the vein on the side of his neck pulsed. _

"_Yeah she mentioned how you yelled at her today, mind to tell me what that was about?" I sneered. Alec snorted, "That's none of your business now is it Cullen."_

_I chuckled humourlessly, "You're wrong there Alec, because she's my best friend, so of course it's my business. Do you have a problem with me?" _

"_Actually I do Cullen; I have a problem with you being in love with my girlfriend." Alec was standing next to me in the living room now, clearly trying to rein in his anger. _

"_It's not like that Alec and you know it," I muttered under my breath, but Alec only scoffed like the asshole he was. _

"_Save all your bullshit for Bella alright, because I see the way you look at her. The way that you brush her arm in the hallway when you two are talking, and when you rush over to her truck first thing in the morning to hold her door open for her. I see it all Cullen, and so does everyone else."_

_I laughed, "What, are you stalking your girlfriend now? Really, the chief's daughter? Now that's not very smart don't you think?" _

_Alec only smirked, "You can't even deny it can you? It kills you to know that I get to kiss her neck and whisper what I'm going to do to her in her ear, and that I get to hear that special moan reserved only for me ," I was clenching my teeth together so hard I was sure I would chip a tooth, trying my best not to kick his ass in my mother's house. But it was getting really fucking hard not to bash his face in right there. _

"_I can see I'm getting to you right now. Admit it you love her," when I didn't say anything he went on, "Well I guess I'll go and talk to my girlfriend now, apologize like I always do, and things will be back to normal come first thing tomorrow morning," he sneered as he turned slowly back toward the door. _

_That was it. I know the common rule for fighting is to never hit a guy when his back is turned, but damnit, I didn't care. I launched myself at Alec's back, and he locked my arms in front of his neck as he turned to slam me back into the door. Before he did it again, he was ripped away from me and slammed up against the opposite wall from us._

"_Get the fuck out of my house!" Emmett shouted as his shoulders shook with rage, holding Alec firmly to the wall. _

_I stood up slowly and watched as my older brother continued to beat the hell out of Alec. "You don't come in here, and start talking shit about a girl who is practically my little sister, to my brother's face. Now get out of before Alice comes in here and gets a hold of you." He shouted as he practically threw him out the door and down our front steps._

_Alec got up and sprinted to his car and took off. As Emmett and I stood, trying to catch our breathing, Alice came busting out from the back room. "Why the hell did you lock me in the basement Em?! I would have beaten his sorry-" _

_Alice continued to go off and as she shouted at Emmett, I turned and ran up to my room. I slammed my door behind me and punched the wall behind it with all the anger and emotion that I had stored in me. _

_An hour later, I was lying on my bed staring at the ceiling, listening to the 'mellow' music that Bella had burned on a CD for me, I know; call me a masochist, but that shit really actually was calming. Then, there was a slow and timid knock on my door. _

"_Edward, can I come in?" Alice called from the other side. I sighed and rolled over to open the door for her. The both of us were silent as we sat on my bed. I pulled my hands through my hair for about the fiftieth time that night, and it was Alice who finally pulled my hands away._

"_Listen to me Edward," she began, "I know you're Bella's best friend, but I'm her best _girl_ friend. So trust me when I say that that girl does in fact love you. She loves you so much, it blinds her. I just know it. She'll see, call it intuition, but I know that she will see it, just like you have for these past years. Give it time." _

_Alice leaned in and hugged me tightly before she got up and left. I didn't even have to say a word, usually Alice insists that we talk to her and screams at us until we see her side. But she knew what I was going through, and she knew that I needed time to think, no matter how much pain it managed to cause me._

_Around midnight, there was a light rap at my window. I rolled over on my bed to flick on the light switch as I squinted across the room to see what the hell was making so much noise. _

_Bella stood outside my room, drenched in rain as she knocked lightly again. Automatically I hoped up and out of bed, running to her side. When I wrenched open the window, I pulled her into the safety of my arms and held her there. She went limp in my arms, relaxing for the first time in what felt like forever. I knew I had my girl back._

"_Edward," she whispered as she looked up at me. She leaned her head on my chest while I directed her back to my bed. "I ended it," was all she said as she collapsed into my embrace. She didn't cry a single tear, and she didn't make a single sound. _

_It was only then that it finally dawned on me that I was her first call. Just like she was mine, I was hers. It wasn't Alice or Rose, it was me, and she may not have known it, but that little known fact meant the world to me._

_That night Bella and I slept in my bed, hiding away from the rest of the world. For the first time in what felt like years, it was just the two of us again._

_***_

_June 2004_

"_Edward!" Bella yelled as she ran down the hall toward me with a gigantic grin plastered all over her face. She ran all the way down the hall till she reached me at my locker, when she got there she squealed as she jumped up into my arms. Alice and Tanya both stood beside me with sly all knowing smirks on their faces._

_The past two months, Bella and I made up for all the time we had lost in those few years. We were graduating in a week, and senior prom was that night. Jasper was going with Alice, and Emmett was taking Rosalie, and too my surprise, Bella had more then happily agreed to go with me. She had said that she didn't think that I would ask her even though there was no one else that I'd wanted to go with._

_In junior high, Bella and I had made a pact: If we were both dateless for senior prom the two of us would go together, just as long as there was no fancy and floral corsage involved (that last part was thrown in by Bella, go figure). So things were looking up. Bella and I were both attending Seattle University if the fall and everything was working out for the most part._

_ "You guys are never going to guess what just happened to me!" Bella grinned after she pulled herself out of my arms. I chuckled, "I don't know Bells, what happened that you're clearly dying to tell us all about," I added sarcastically. _

"_Ha ha," she smiled, "But even you're not going to ruin this one for me Edward, this is far too huge even for you and your brooding forehead to spoil," she teased as she patted my nose with her index finger. _

"_Alright well," she continued, "Do you guys remember that program I signed up for last year around this time? When that lady came here from Seattle to give us that presentation about those students who travel after graduation to other countries and teach and learn about their culture while performing a play or some theatre show?" all of us stared at Bella blankly, wondering what in the hell she was talking about. _

"_Anyways," she began after she realized none of us were going to say anything, "I did, and they only accept three people from each selected country, and I'm one of those three," she looked at us all uneasily, waiting for our responses. _

_None of this was making any sense to me, and I was hoping Alice was catching on. "So...wait, what?" I asked for reassurance. _

_Bella just rolled her eyes and elaborated, "Last year these people came here to do a presentation at our school from an organization called Up with People, and what they do each year is send so many people from different countries in the world. The program offers international education, and a passageway to see the world. Now, yes it is going to cost me some money, but I have saved up more then enough to cover the costs. _

_There are only one hundred and fifty people involved, of all ages, so I was lucky to even be accepted. The group will learn a play production and for a year we will travel to different countries and perform it to them. It's a great experience, and yes it involves singing, but I didn't have to audition for it or anything, they just accepted me based on my personality apparently."_

_All of us were silent while listening to Bella explain to us what this meant for her. When she talked about it, I remembered what she was referring to. She had been really enthused about the idea when the presenters, who were people who actually went on it, were talking about it. _

"_We go to twenty four different countries and stay with host families, and I would learn a lot while there. Now, of course I would have to put off school for a year because I'm travelling, but it will always be there."_

_That was my question, what about school? Charlie? Me? Great, now _I _was being selfish. _

"_I have to give Mrs. Cope a response by Monday so she can contact that agency in Seattle to tell them that I have accepted. But I still have to talk it over with Charlie and Renee. And..." she slowed her talking now, almost afraid to say the next detail. "Well, the thing is I'd have to catch a plane to Africa, where we learn the main performing act, and I would have to leave...June thirtieth. _

_Bella looked at me, her eyes begging me to say something, anything at all. But I couldn't, hell I couldn't even think straight. All I knew was that this was big, and it was a once in a life time opportunity, and that I desperately wanted he to stay. But how could I ask that of her?_

"_Bella, that's great congratulations," Tanya was the first person to say anything as she reached forward to give Bella a genuine hug. Alice was still just as shocked as I was. _

"_But that's...that's...soon." Alice pouted, tears threatening to pour out of her eyes. "I know Alice, but I would catch the last flight at eleven o'clock that night. Mrs. Cope and I already went over all the arrangements. Now all I have to do is talk it over with Charlie and decide if this is really what I want to do."_

_Just then Bella's phone rang, "His ears must have been burning," she laughed lightly as she pulled her phone to her side. "Well I better to talk it over with the big guns. I'll see you guys tonight?" she asked over her shoulder as she walked toward the main entrance. _

"_Yeah of course, our place at three. Don't be late!" Alice shouted out after Bella rounded the corner. While I was still frozen in shock, I tried to get the fact that my best friend could be leaving to travel the world for a year in just two weeks around my head. _

"_I totally think she should go don't you?" Tanya asked, and me and Alice both turned to look at her with tortured gazes. Tanya's enthusiastic smiled dropped as she took in our appearances, feeling the intensity of the situation, she turned around nervously to go out to her own car. _

"_What do we do now Alice?" I mumbled, Alice turned her head and looked up at me before she answered with a simple. "Go to prom, Edward." _

_Later that afternoon, Jasper, Alice, Em, Rose and I were all hanging around the house watching TV, when Bella walked in to join us. _

_Just as every night, she took a seat on the floor at my feet and leaned back against my knees. My hands went right for her hair as I played with the ends of it absentmindedly, something that I had always done for years since we were kids. _

"_What did your dad say?" I asked, completely ignoring my entire family being in the room. Bella just shrugged against my knees, "He said that he'd rather lock me in my room for the rest of time, but if I really wanted to go that he'd miss me and see me in a year. Then he hugged me, signed the papers, and finished his lunch." Huh, I expected more of a fight from Chief Swan. _

"_Want to go for a drive with me?" Bella asked me as she rolled her head back and looked up at me through her lashes. I smiled "Sure." Always, I thought to myself. _

"_No, Bella we have to start getting ready soon," Alice scolded and whined as she jumped up to try and pull Bella back into the room._

"_Ah, relax Al," I sighed, "We still have lots of time, it's only three. The prom isn't till this evening, and we don't have to be there till practically nine anyways," I said as I closed the door behind us._

_We drove in silence as we went off to the trail that led to our sanctuary. _

_We didn't have to say a word to indicate where we wanted to go because the both of us knew that the only place that we wanted to go was the meadow. Neither of us were speaking, both of us were trying our best to ignore the giant elephant in the car. _

_When I parked the car at the end of the trial, we both silently got out and started our familiar long trek. When we finally got there, Bella sighed heavily and walked ahead of me to stand right in the centre._

"_Remember when we found thing place, Edward," she was looking all around the meadow completely dazed. "We were what? Seven?" she asked as she turned to look back at me for confirmation. I nodded once, we were seven, and actually lost at the time, I laughed to myself as I remembered._

"_It hasn't changed has it?" she asked, mostly to herself. "I mean, that big oak tree at the edge is still there, maybe slightly taller. The purple flowers, which we still don't know the name of by the way, only grow in a small patch on the opposite side of the tree. And the rest of the meadow is covered in blue and yellow flowers. The grass is a deep, but yet warming, green. And that rotten tree stump is over under the elm tree, the one that we always use as a stool." _

_ Bella described the meadow to a 'T' and she didn't even look up as she said these things. We had been coming here for over a decade now, and she was right, it was the same as it was the first day we stumbled across it._

_ "This place never changes, god I love it here," she said as she sighed and reached her hands up to feel the cool breeze. "It's familiar and its home; safe. But...sometimes, it's good to break away from familiar and step out of our hard shell that we've built for ourselves," she muttered as she turned around and looked at me, tears clearly visible in her eyes._

_ Bella slowly walked back to where I was standing behind her, reaching for my hand. "Its home; it's a place to come back to. If it hasn't changed in eleven years, then why should it change in another year right?" _

_ Bella and I stared at each other, but something told me she was no longer referring to our meadow. _

_ She took a deep breath before continuing, "I'm going to Africa Edward." Those five words tore at my insides and ripped me inside out, even though I think I subconsciously knew they were coming. _

_ "But, I'm going to definitely miss this meadow. No where in the world will ever compare to it. I love this place," she said as she leaned in and rested her head on my chest._

_ Reluctantly I wrapped my arms around her waist and held her to me tightly. I didn't want to though, knowing that it was one of the last times that I could hold her as my Bella. _

_ I was no idiot; I knew that when she was talking about the meadow that she was also using it as an analogy to us. Although we had known each other for longer then eleven years, we still didn't seem to change. So what was one year, right? _

_ "I talked to my mom, she supports it. Actually, she's ecstatic. We've all agreed that I when I return home next summer I will return to school and continue with the main plan to pursue whatever it was that I was going to do. We have it all planned out, I just..." she trailed off as she took another muffled dry sob, "I just can't bring myself to leave my best friend."_

_ Bella was crying in my arms now, completely torn with what she wanted to do, but she still already knew what her decision was. It was made and already set in stone, and tonight at the prom, she would tell Mrs. Cope what the verdict was, and that would be that._

_ But we both knew what this meant; a year apart for the first time ever. And as much as I loved her, I knew that it was what we both needed in order to grow._

_ "Bella, we'll be fine. I mean, it's only a year. The meadow will go on, and so will we. It's a year Bells, how much damage could a year do," I knew a year could change everything, but one can always hope. Bella continued to cry in my arms as I held her close._

_ "This is what you need Bella, and it's clearly fate that you got called on. We all love you here," _me more then the others, _"But we all need to let go of each other at some point to see where we go. And you're travelling the world. Enjoy it, and you can tell me all about it when you get back, because I'll be first in line wanting to hear all about it."_

_ Bella cried harder, "Oh Edward," she sobbed as she threw her arms around my neck and nestled her head in my neck. "What am I supposed to do without you? I mean, I'm excited but I'm scared shitless," she mumbled. _

_ I chuckled, "Well I'd be worried if you weren't. And you'll be fine without me." _

_ Bella sighed as she stepped away from me and whipped her tears away, "I'm not to sure about that," I shrugged, "You'll never know unless you try."_

_ After a few more minutes, Bella and I started to make our way back to the car. "We still have two more weeks together, and prom tonight." _

_ Bella groaned, "Right, prom. I'm going to get it when we get back to your place aren't I?" she asked as she hesitantly opened the passenger door._

_ I laughed darkly, "Oh yeah, you better believe it babe." Bella groaned again as she threw her head back, "Fine, let's get this dumb prom over with." The both of us laughed as we drove back to the house, taking our time and trying to prolong everything for the next two weeks as much as possible. _

_***_

_June Thirtieth, 2004 _

_Two weeks went by like a breeze, and as much to our dismay, Judgement Day (as Alice and I put it) had arrived. _

_Prom and graduation went great. __Alice had forced Bella to wear this hauntingly beautiful blue gown, while Alice wore a sharp green dress and Rose wore a stunning red one. Prom was a night of fun, Bella and I watched our classmates get drunk off the cheap punch; even Alice was a fool enough to trust her classmates and drink out of the spiked bowl. I even managed to get Bella to dance with me a couple of times on the dance floor, but of course she didn't go without a fight. _

_I dropped Bella off at home after the dance and left quietly as Charlie cautiously watched from the front room window. We said good night, and promised each other the next two weeks of nothing but us. _

_But two weeks went on by much too quickly for my liking. The next thing we knew, after nights of movie watching, lounging in the meadow, talking and playing board games with the family, Judgement Day had arrived and I now stared aimlessly at my calendar with the date June 30__th__ circled in bright red marker. It was finally here; Bella was catching her plane to Africa. She would be gone and I wouldn't be able to actually see her for a whole year._

_Alice remained in the kitchen that whole morning, wrapping up the different gifts that she had bought Bella as going away presents, but why she would need some Prada thing for when she travelled was beyond me._

_Bella came over later that morning and we spent the whole day in the living room with the family, just sitting and talking like always; each of us ignoring the inevitable as time wore on. _

"_Bella, can you come upstairs with me for a minute?" Alice asked as she got up off the couch and turned to look at Bella. Bella shifted in her seat and nodded once, it looked to me like she was trying to stop her tears from streaming down her face, but I couldn't be sure._

_A half an hour later she came back into the room with both Rose and Alice, and she asked if she could talk to Emmett and Jasper alone. An hour later, when she was done talking to Esme and Carlisle, we made our way up to my room. _

_Bella, out of force of habit, walked straight to the bookshelf and started looking for something to read while we were in my room, then her eyes drifted to the clock and she dejectedly turned to the wide open window. _

"_I don't want to do this with you again, Edward," she sighed, but she still wasn't looking at me. "I can't say goodbye to you again. So, I'm going to leave. Charlie's going to take me to Port Angles and you're going to stay here," we had decided that I would drive her to the airport and that I would be the last to see her off. I went to speak up but she swiftly turned back to look at me cutting me off from all conscious thought. _

"_So, what I'm going to do is come over there, smile like I always do when I look at you and..." she trailed off when she was now standing right in front of me. "I've been, saying goodbye to everybody and it's been hard," I smiled at the memory of Emmett coming back in from the kitchen wiping his red eyes, he only responded with a 'Shut up, you'll get yours Edward.' Now I knew he was right, saying goodbye to Bella was going to be the hardest for me. But it was only a year right?_

"_Can you believe Alice bought me a Jimmy Choo Limited Edition bag? When am I ever going to need it?" she asked as she laughed half heartedly, always using humour to hide her true emotions. _

_She wiped the smile from her face, being completely serious now. "Edward, I..." she closed her eyes as she contemplated what her next words would be. I stupidly still hadn't said a word to her, but I really wanted to know what she wanted to say._

"_I have to go," her voice broke as she looked up at me with pleading eyes. It was then that I realized that I couldn't let her leave without telling her how I really felt. It was either speak now, or forever wonder what could have been. _

_Bella wrapped her arms tightly around me and she sighed, before she quickly turned to leave my room. I heard the door close with a timid click before I could turn around to stop her. _

_When my mind finally caught up with my body, I was practically sprinting down the stairs to the living room, but when I got there, I was only greeted my family. Each of them were sitting in the living room, silent. _

_It was Alice who was first to speak, "You didn't tell her did you?" she asked as she shook her head at my stupidity. I knew I should have said something, but it didn't matter, Bella's mind was made up. _

_I took a seat beside Jasper on the couch, deciding to settle in the world of some movie that I didn't even know the name of. Alice kept glaring at me from across the room when it hit me. I couldn't let her leave without saying goodbye._

_So, I hastily jumped up from the couch and shot out the door, jumping on my motor bike and cruising as fast as I could to Bella's house. But, by the time I got there, Charlie's car was gone and the house was dark. She wasn't here. _

_I pushed my bike to its limit and sped all the way to the Port Angles airport, praying to God the entire way that I wouldn't be too late._

_When I finally arrived, I parked my bike out front of the small airport and ran into the building, never once stopping for anyone in my path. I had to find her._

_When I came to her gate I was out of breath, my pulse was quickening. I was panicked, wondering if I was too late. Then I was her. She was sitting in one of the waiting to board chairs by her gate, playing with the purse that Alice had given her in her hands._

"_Bella," I called as I ran the rest of the way to her. Her head immediately shot up and her eyes widened as she took me in. Shock and anger both apparent in her face._

"_Edward what are you doing here? I thought I told you that it was too hard," she said in a slightly pained voice as she got up and stood in front of me. _

_She looked as if she had been crying, and knowing her, she probably had been the entire car ride here. "Where's Charlie?" I asked after I finally noticed that he wasn't around. _

_Bella shrugged, "He was here, but then he had to leave early because there was some call from work on the radio. He just left a few minutes ago," she said as she stared at me, still waiting for an answer._

"_Bells, I couldn't let you go without saying anything. It's you and me here; it just doesn't work like that." I explained as I took her hands in mine. She clenched her eyes shut and took three slow and painful breaths till she finally opened her eyes to look at me. She was right, a goodbye was too hard; I'd have to do this her way. _

"_Edward...you can't expect me to say goodbye..."_

"_Well, how about a see you later?" I smiled down at her, and the best I got in return was a grimace and a single nod. _

"_Alright, see you later E. A. Cullen." She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me close, and I helplessly gave in and hugged her back. _

"_Last boarding call for flight 241" Bella froze in my arms and took a step back to look me in the eyes. _

_My mouth opened and closed several times as I finally soaked in what was happening; she was actually leaving. _

_Bella threw her bag around her shoulder and gave me one last half smile and turned to go toward the gate. _

"_Bella wait," I called after her once she had reached the main doors, "Did you...I mean do you..." I stumbled, now was not the time to stumble but I did. _

"_Don't ruin it, Edward." she said as she turned and walked through the terminal. _

_***_

"Ed, man are alright?" Emmett asked as he poked at the untouched food on my plate.

"Yeah man, your dinner's getting all cold and eaten," Jasper joked as he pointed to Emmett. I rolled my eyes and pushed my brother on his side of the table.

"What the hell Em?" I finally asked, realizing that he had eaten half of the food on my plate.

"Well, you looked completely out of it so I thought you wouldn't mind. Besides, you don't let Esme's good cooking go to waste like that," he defended himself with a shrug.

Jasper laughed and continued to eat his own food.

"Aw whatever, I don't care. Here, you can have it." I said as I shoved my plate over toward Emmett, who shot Jasper a very confused look.

"What's gotten into him?" Emmett asked as he continued to violate my once plate of food.

Jasper just smirked knowingly at me, but before he could answer Emmett, my sister's voice broke in from the other room.

"Bella, I'm so happy you made it!"

I froze, Jasper shifted his eyes from me to the main foyer, and Emmett chuckled and smiled wickedly when he finally understood. "Oh...so the Swan Princess has finally arrived."

* * *

**Okay, so I know that was a lot of flashbacks to deal with, but they're all key in the story, I didn't add anything that wasn't necessary. I'm sorry for grammer, spelling mistakes and what not, this wasn't profread all that throughly. Again, their outfits and playlist for each chapter are posted on my profile, and if you want you can check out my other story titled Colorblind, which I am still working on as well. **

**Reviews are great, and constructive criticism is always more then welcome.  
**

**~JustAGirl93  
**


	3. Pins and Needles

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT, I JUST BORROWED HER RESPECTED CHARACTERS :)**

**Damn, how much do I suck? This took so long, I don't even know where to begin to say how much I'm so sorry for the EXTREMELY long wait. But, all us authors fall behind and life catches up with us every now and then. Semester 1 is finally over, and now _All My Days _can continue. **

**I'm not going to lie, Chapter 3 took a long time for me to write, as a matter of fact I rewrote this and rewrote this, and revised it, and reconstructed the shit out of this chapter, and I'm still not sure it's right just yet. But here it is none the less. Chapter 4 is alread 4,000 words in, and I'm hoping to finish it tomorrow, because I am really on a roll with this story and I want to continue writing it ASAP. As a matter of fact I would finish Chapter 4 now, but seeing as how it's after midnight here, that's wouldn't be the best idea with school early in the AM. **

**So, here's Chapter Three, and I'll see you all on the flip side...  
**

* * *

Chapter 3: Pins and Needles

***

_October 2004_

_ Classes had started at Seattle U and I had managed to get a dorm room in one of the campus buildings. Alice was coming up to drop off some more of my things that I had left at the house, and so far things were going as good as they could be considering I hadn't had my best friend around. _

_ I'd have to admit, summer without Bella was beyond harder than I thought it would be. I spent a lot of my time playing third wheel to either Alice and Jasper or Rosalie and Emmett. Needless to say that it wasn't the best summer of my life._

_ "Edward!" Someone called from behind me. I turned around to look over my shoulder and saw my Physics partner, Rachel, running to catch up with me._

_ "You forgot your notes at your table," she said as she tried to catch her breath once she was finally at my side. I was too busy thinking about being at my dorm when Alice arrived that I hadn't even noticed I'd left without them._

_ "Hey, thanks Rachel, I didn't even notice," I murmured mostly to myself. _

"_Where's your head at Cullen?" she asked once we started walking again. _

_ I laughed, "My hyperactive sister is coming here today to drop off the rest of my things, and if I'm not there when she gets in I'm pretty certain she'll kill me." Rachel laughed, thinking that it was a joke, but if she knew Alice, she'd know that I wasn't far off from the truth. _

_ "C'mon she can't be all that bad," she laughed once we made it outside my building. _

"_Oh, trust me, if you met Alice, you'd stand by my word." Rachel scoffed, "Alright, well, I'll leave you to welcoming your sister, maybe I can meet her?" Rachel asked, sounding almost hopeful. _

_ I shrugged, "Maybe, although I don't think she's going to be here that long." _

_ "Hmm..." Rachel mused, "Well, I'll see you in class, and remember that lab starts tomorrow and we have to collect all the data before we start," she reminded me as she turned to head to her own dorm. _

_I nodded, "Yeah, alright, see you later." She threw her hand up as she walked away behind her, sending me a silent goodbye. _

_ Now, the only problem was that Alice was extremely late. I raced back to my room after my last class of the day, thinking that she would already be there waiting for me, but she wasn't. And now, three hours later, I was still waiting on Alice to arrive, which was extremely out of character for her._

_ My phone rang, and I immediately sprung at it, knowing that it was Alice. _

_ "You better have a good reason for being late," I answered expecting Alice's automatic apologies. _

_ "Why, hello there to you too stranger."_

_ I froze, my heart soared, and my breathing hitched. It couldn't be who I thought it was could it?_

_ "B-Bella?" _

_ Her musical and carefree chuckle, one that I had been missing for four agonizing months, rang through my phone. _

_ "Yeah, okay look; I know you were expecting Alice, but I called her and asked what your number was. She gave it to me and said that you would be probably expecting her to call, and to tell you that she will be in the city in a couple of weeks and that she'd see you then." _

_Bella rambled off why Alice wasn't here, and at the moment I wasn't as mad at Alice as much as I thought I would have been, as a matter of fact I could care less at that point. I was hearing Bella's voice; that was enough to distract anyone. _

_ "Edward?" Bella asked after I hadn't responded._

_ "Yeah, I'm here." I was still in shock; I hadn't expected to hear her voice for another eight whole months. But as I heard it again, it sounded sweeter then I remembered it to be. Then something dawned on me, how long would I be able to talk to her? Where was she even calling from?_

_ "Bella, where are you?" _

_ "Where aren't I? I'm in the world Edward Cullen," she laughed as she spoke. I smiled as I pictured her smiling widely while she stood beneath the Eiffel Tower or beside the rolling fields in Ireland. _

_ "Bella," I was about to ask her how long we had to talk when there was a knock at my door. "Hang on," I muttered to her as I silently cursed whichever co-ed collage student was knocking at my door now._

_ When I flung my door open to rid away the person that was there, I was startled to see that it was the earth angel that I was talking to on the phone only moments before. _

_ She grinned as she closed her phone shut and ran into my arms while sighing happily. Me on the other hand, I just stood there like a fool as I tried to grasp what was happening. _

_ "Oh God, I missed you so much," she sobbed as she pulled away to look at me, a teary gleam in her eye. _

_ "Bella, are you really here? Wait, what are you doing in Seattle?" _

_ "Well, we're performing in America this month, and our first stop is Seattle. Later we're making our way to Texas, then New York, and then we're wrapping up in Washington DC. And since we're here, I called up Alice and asked where you were living in the city and she gave me your campus address." _

_ "How long are you in the city for?" _

_ "A week," she frowned at that. It's true, a week wasn't that long, but it was one week that I got to see her in the whole twelve months that she'd be gone. _

_ "Well then, we better make the most of it then shouldn't we." I grinned as I pulled her back into my welcoming embrace. _

_ Bella and I talked about where she was staying, who she met in her tour group, when she was performing, how long they were going to rehearse. _

_Bella asked about the summer, so I filled her in on all the unimportant stuff that she missed while she was away. _

_ Before we knew it, it was going on seven thirty and I thought that it would be best if we went out to eat. So that's what we did, I took Bella to the best diner that I knew for the two months that I was living there. _

_ The meal was perfect, but a large part of that had to have been because I was enjoying it with Bella. But I didn't want to get too attached to having Bella around because I new she would disappear just as fast as she had returned. _

_ Alice and Jasper were supposed to be going to watch Bella's show in Texas while they were there visiting for Jasper's family reunion, while Rosalie and Emmett were going to her show in New York. _

_ Over the week, Bella and I were together just as we always had been. While she was in dress rehearsal, I was in class. Other then that, all the time we spent was with each other. _

_ But, seeing as how time was never on our side, the last two nights had arrived sooner than either of us were prepared for, but I was already prepared for this day – I learnt from previous first hand experience to be well prepared for her departure well in advance._

_ Bella had the night off before their big show, so we decided to go out to dinner and spend the night out on the town._

_ "Come on Edward, it's my last night in Seattle; let's do something fun," Bella whined that afternoon. I could never say no to her, so here we were, sitting at a bar that just happened to let us in, listening to the collage band that was the entertainment of the night._

_ I picked up Bella at her hotel room, and she looked gorgeous in the pink dress that she wore, something that I would never expect her to wear willingly on her own, but the leather coat that she had worn added her own personal Bella Swan charm. _

_ "Edward would you like to dance?" she asked, breaking me out of my frozen state. I nodded as I put down my drink and lead Bella to the dance floor where some fast and up beat song was playing. _

_ My mind drifted back to prom night where I had to practically physically fight Bella just to get her to agree to dance one slow song with me. That was only four months ago, so much had already changed._

_ As the song came to an end, the band started playing one that I recognized; Keep on Loving You by Reo Speedwagon. _

_Bella and I stopped and stared at each other on the dance floor, till she rolled her eyes and stepped forward before she leaned her head on my shoulder. She felt perfect in my arms, but I couldn't get attached this time around, especially when she would just be leaving the next night – like she always would. _

_ Bella leaned back and looked up at me as she wrapped her arms around my neck and played with the hair there. Her eyes were gentle, and there was something there that I couldn't make out. She opened her mouth to say something when someone tapped on my shoulder. _

_ "May I cut in?" the mysterious stranger with a European accent asked._

_ I turned around and saw a man standing behind me. He was standing tall, waiting for me or Bella to respond. I was royally pissed off, who did this random guy think he was? Just coming up to me and Bella and interrupting us like he actually knew who we-_

_ "Hey Riley, I didn't know you were coming here," Bella obviously knew him. Now I was confused and...Well I was something else, pissed?_

_ "Yeah it was a last minute thing, and actually the rest of us are here too. Someone at the hotel told us that the band here was really good," the Riley guy grinned at my Bella in a way that was way too open and friendly for my liking. _

_ "So Miss Swan," 'Miss Swan,' who was this guy? "Would you like to dance with me?" he asked after he and Bella exchanged petty small talk. _

_ I glanced between Bella and him, anticipating her answer, and much to my surprise she completely ignored his question and introduced me. _

_ "Riley, this here is my best friend Edward Cullen. Edward, this is Riley, one of the members in the program. Edward and I have known each other our entire lives and Riley is from Liverpool." Ah, so that's where the accent was from. _

_ "Nice to meet you," he said as he extended his hand out to me. Hesitantly, I accepted it and gave him the same courtesy that he had shown me. "It's great to meet one of Bella's friends from childhood, someone who's help make her who she is today." _

_ Bella blushed and cleared her throat and turned away. "Well, I'm going to get another drink. Umm...I'll be right back." Bella turned away and walked back toward the bar in the corner of the congested room, leaving me and Liverpool Riley alone._

_ "She's great," he commented as he watched her walk away. "Hey are you going to the show tomorrow?" he asked after the band started up another song._

_ I just nodded, "Yeah."_

_ Riley smiled, "She's great in the show. Has she told you which part she has in the play?" he asked as he played with a coin absentmindedly in his hands. _

_ "Umm...yeah kind of, she just said it was one of the major roles and that she falls in and out of love with her countries main enemies' son or something. But she wouldn't tell me how it ends," I remembered Bella and how she looked so excited as she told me the plot of the play. She seemed so alive and...passionate about it._

"_She's amazing in her role. She's going to blow them all away tomorrow," by the way Riley was talking about Bella, it didn't seem like he disregarded her like Alec had, he seemed to have respect for her, and for everything that she was doing in the program._

_ Bella came back and hooked her arm in mine, by the look of her eyes she seemed to be feeling pretty good. _

_ "Edward," she slurred, "Do you mind if I dance with Riley really quickly?" she asked, she was actually asking for my permission. She gave me this look, like as if what I said next really mattered. _

_ So, I nodded, "Go right ahead Bella," I said in the most indifferent voice I could mutter up, because it really mattered to me if she did. But I couldn't get too attached, she was leaving again._

_ Bella's face dropped for a fraction of a second, but she quickly composed herself again as she smiled back at Riley as she pulled him to her and led him deeper into the dancing crowd. _

_ I watched as they whirled around the dance floor and laughed together. Then it hit me, they would get to be with each other like this in every city and stop they went to. While they were on the road for the next eight months together they would get closer and I wouldn't be there. She was drifting, and I just pushed her in that direction, further and further away._

_ After the song was over, Bella came running back to me and she never left my side for the remainder of the night. _

_ Bella and I danced and as the night wore on, we got closer and closer after every song. But, it wasn't at all uncomfortable. Every step closer we got to each other, the more unbelievably normal it felt to be together. _

_ The night came to a close, and I took Bella back to her hotel room in a cab. "Remember that night when we were all at your place and Emmett and Rose were caught by Esme and Carlisle in the coat closet," she giggled as she let her head loll back on the head rest._

_ I laughed out loud at the memory, "Oh yeah, and his brilliant response was, 'What coat do you need?'" We both laughed as the clear image of a flustered and embarrassed Rosalie Hale buried her beet red face deeper into the coats, they were both only thirteen at the time. _

_ "I missed you this summer Edward," she said as her eyes started to tear up, she smiled sadly as she said it. _

_ I reached over and brushed the hair out of her face and whispered, "I missed you this summer too, Bells."_

_ By now, the taxi had stopped outside the hotel and Bella was clutching onto my hand like her life depended on it. _

_ I walked Bella up to her room and she stumbled here and there as we walked down the hall. _

"_Edward, remember that time you snuck into my room after you had that fight with Carlisle and," _hiccup_, "And we snuck out together and spent the night in the park because neither of us wanted to go home afraid that they would find us." _

_I nodded as I held her up and pulled her room key out of her purse, "Don't you have to perform tomorrow?" I asked, but she continued talking and completely ignored my question._

"_And you'd told me that it would always be me and you no matter what, that you'd run away with me if we could. Well Mr. Cullen, nows your chance," Bella's lips touched my ear as she whispered into it, "Come away with me."_

_What Bella did next surprised me; she pulled back and kissed me. This kiss wasn't urgent, it was soft – merely a brush of her lips over mine. _

_I stiffened; what just happened? Bella looked into my eyes, and kept them trained there. Her breath hitched as she took her bottom lip between her teeth before she leaned into me again. _

_I didn't do anything. I just stood there, trying to analyze the situation in my head. First things first, Bella was drunk. She stumbled and slurred all the way here, so she wasn't in the right mind. She probably didn't even realize it was me that she was kissing. _

_Second, I loved Bella. I loved her so much I didn't think anything else mattered when her lips touched mine, I didn't want to stop. Third, she was leaving after her show tomorrow and that would be that for another eight months. I couldn't get attached. _

_Bella went in to kiss me again, this time she used much more force. When her lips met mine, I crumbled. For a second, I gave in. I took her bottom lip between mine and sucked gently. She was perfect, better than I had ever imagined. _

_Her body moved impossibly closer to mine, and it was as if she was moulded to fit mine perfectly. I felt her tongue graze along my bottom lip, pleading for entrance. _

_But then reality kicked in, and I knew that this couldn't happen, as much as I really wanted it to, it just couldn't – not tonight anyway._

"_Bella," I said once she pulled away for a breath, but she quickly directed her lips to placing tiny kisses along my neck. _

"_Bella, we need to stop," I tried to be more firm the second time, but Bella only proceeded to plant her lips on mine a second and a third time. She knew how to get to me, and I'd be damned if it wasn't working._

"_Bella," I said once more as I unhooked her locked arms from around my neck and pushed her back to put a few more inches between us. "We need to stop." I tried to sound as firm as possible, but had a feeling that I wasn't fooling anyone. _

_Bella whimpered as she looked up at me from under her eyelashes, she looked wrecked. "Why not Edward?" she whispered, clearly trying to hold back the tears._

"_Because Bella, you're leaving tomorrow, you have to perform tomorrow, and I have class first thing in the morning. So, it can't happen now." I hoped she could tell by the tone of my voice that I wanted it to happen sometime, it was just that now wasn't the best time. Hell, I had wanted _this _to happen since junior year in high school. _

_Bella took a long stride away from me and crossed her arms over her chest – both holding herself in and successfully blocking me out. _

_ "Goodnight Edward," she sounded morally pissed, and I saw a trace of rejection flicker in the depths of her eyes._

_I took a step in to give her a goodnight kiss on her forehead, but she just turned away and walked further into the hotel room and said, "Close the door on your way out." She didn't give me a second glance. _

_ I fucked it up. I stood in the foyer of her room and helplessly watched as she walked into the bathroom and listened as I heard the timid lock of the door click. _

_ I royally fucked up like no other fucker in time. I continued to curse myself as I waited for the cab to pull up outside the building, and I continued to curse myself as I went to bed that night._

_ Everything that I had ever hoped for was just with in my reach. I could have told Bella how I really felt, but something inside me told me that it wasn't the time just yet. But damn it, how could I have just turned my back on something that I had dreamed about each night?_

_ The next day I tried calling Bella, but all I got was her voicemail. So I went to class, figuring that she was in rehearsal and that I would meet up with her later that night at the show. _

_ After classes were out, I tried calling her again, but her phone was off. So I sent a text message, but she didn't respond back. I just assumed that she was busy getting ready for the show later that night. _

_However, something told me that I should have fought harder for her to understand my reasoning the night before. I just left, I didn't take the time to explain, I should have explained. There I was again, pushing her away._

_ At the show, when I went to find her back stage I was told that my name wasn't on the list. Bella had said that she would put my name on the list as her guest, so I assured myself that she had just forgotten. But I couldn't shake that nervous, uneasy feeling deep within my stomach. _

_ The show started and I took my seat. Throughout the whole entire show I couldn't help feel that something still wasn't right. _

_ When Bella came on stage for her part, the plot was that her character had just found out that she was forbidden to see her love that was from another country, and she was to be heartbrokenly lost and emotionally dead._

_ Bella looked completely in character, she was in tune and never looked more in her element then she did on that stage. And I had never been more proud of her. She had done it; she was reaching out to the world. _

_ I waited out back for Bella to come out after the show had closed, but when she didn't, I went back to my car to sit in there and wait for her. One by one each of the actors in the program came out and carried different things into the tour bus that was to take them to the airport. Their next stop was Texas._

_ I found myself starting to panic more and more when Bella never came out. Then I saw her. She was wearing jeans and a simple T-shirt, her hair was still done up from the play and her make up was still in tact. She was talking to someone from the program, but she didn't look like she was really listening; clearly her mind was somewhere else. _

_ I stepped out to make my way over to her, and then I stalled because Riley had walked up behind her. When she turned to face him, her entire face brightened and she glowed – just like she used to when she'd see me._

_ He whispered something in her ear which only seemed to make her blush impossibly more then I knew she was capable of. She looked happy from afar. If some random stranger had seen her, they would be blown away by her blissful grin and beauty that they would automatically smile at the sight of her. I knew I was._

_ That's when it hit me – I was her past. Bella was moving on in her life, in the world. I would always be her best friend from home; the meadow that would always be there as a distant memory and a dream rather than a reality. She wasn't mine to keep, never was. _

_ Running away with Bella would have been perfect when we were still in high school, was it only a few months ago?_

_ But now that she was running on her own and trying to find herself, it seemed as if I should be doing the same thing. I couldn't wait for her if she wasn't holding on to me. She was growing up, while I was still in our meadow, waiting for her. _

_ Last night was a misjudgement; Bella was drunk, not in the right mind frame, and I suffered a moment of weakness. Bella thought I was something I wasn't. She saw me as a figure of what she wanted, not what I was. _

_ I took one last look at my best friend. Bella was smiling and laughing with her new friends carelessly. I smiled sadly as I realized what I was about to do. I turned around and walked back to my car. _

_ Once in my car, I looked back at Bella and noticed that she was standing out there by herself. She looked back and forth a couple of times in the back alley. Was she looking for someone?_

_ When Riley called her from the bus, Bella turned and picked up the purse that Alice had bought her, and walked on the bus, never once sparing a single glance back._

_***_

"How was your flight? Where's Riley?" Alice spilled as she pulled Bella into the other room. Jasper and Emmett only proceeded to stare at me.

"What?"

"Well, we were just...yeah." Jasper and Emmett both said as they simultaneously stood up from the table. "I'm going to see...yeah," Emmett trailed off and grinned as he abandoned my now empty plate and hurried into the other room.

"Edward, are you sure you're ready I mean...it's not like its some big secret about how you feel about her," Jasper cautiously reminded me.

I shrugged, "It was to her, besides, Bella and I haven't talked for over a year, things are different now; I'm different now." I didn't know who I was trying to convince; Jasper or myself.

"Yeah, okay Edward. Well, I'm going to go see if Alice needs any help in the other room. Are you coming?" Jasper didn't seem as convinced as I was hoping he would be, because if he wasn't, then I sure as hell wasn't either.

"Yeah," I sighed as I got up, _it was now or never. _

When we walked into the family room, everyone was seated, and my eyes went straight to the brunette beauty that was seated in my childhood living room.

Bella Swan looked just as beautiful as the last time I had seen her, maybe even more so if that were possible.

She sat beside Alice on the sofa in a skirt that High School Bella would never be caught dead in. Her hair was straight, and her eyes shined as she listened to Alice go on and on about the details on the wedding.

She was absolutely radiant, and I felt my insides caving, I knew it right then and there; I was and would always be a goner at the sight of Bella Swan.

"Oh, Edward," Alice gasped once she finally noticed me standing in the doorway. Bella's eyes jumped up to mine and she blushed as she smiled and looked down at her hands in her lap. Damn it, I'd been caught staring.

"Edward," Alice continued, "Look who just got here. Bella's flight just landed an hour ago and she's staying with Charlie for the week," Alice explained as Bella just sat there beside the bridezilla, unable to get one word in.

Bella smiled as she recomposed her self and looked up at me and gave me one single and curt nod in greeting.

I chuckled uneasily, "Is that so?"

Emmett jumped up and took the other seat beside Bella and wrapped his arm around her shoulders with a wide grin, "Alright, finally the gangs all home," he boomed.

Bella laughed, "Since when do you refer to us as a 'gang' Emmett?"

My breath hitched at the sound of her voice, could it have gotten any more angelic?

"Since my Swan Princess came home," Emmett grinned. "Hey, we should all go down to the ball park like we used to in high school. It'll be just like old times."

Alice stepped in, "Emmett we can't. This is me and Jazz's engagement party. It's something that I've put a lot of planning into and I won't have you ruin it by leaving to get all dirty. Besides, it's not every day I get to see Bella look like a lady," Alice smiled as she pulled a couple of pieces of lint from Bella's skirt.

Bella rolled her eyes, "Really Alice, I dress like this to work all the time."

Now Alice looked down right appalled, "You mean to tell me that you wore your everyday clothes to _my _engagement party?"

Jasper cleared his throat from the end of the room. Alice looked up and shrugged, "I mean _our _engagement party." The rest of us laughed as Alice tried to quickly recover herself.

"Give her a break Al; she had to rush over here right after her flight just so she could please you." I jumped in to quickly save Bella from Alice's bridezilla rave. Bella looked up and gave me a silent thank you with her eyes.

"Yeah, I mean come on Alice; would you have liked it if I were late?" Bella asked as she got up from the couch.

Alice huffed, "I guess not, but still, I would expect my maid of honour to be here on time. Which reminds me, I thought you were bringing Riley, why are you suddenly dateless to m- I mean _our _wedding?"

Suddenly Alice looked like she felt bad for asking Bella about Riley out loud in front of everyone. Alice quickly shut her mouth as Bella just stood there in the center of the room, looking around uncomfortably as she shifted on one foot to the other.

"Umm...it's a long story Alice, but I'll tell you all about it later. I need a drink," she huffed as she brushed past me through the doorway and made her way to the kitchen in search of the drinks.

Alice looked up at me and motioned with her hands for me to follow Bella into the kitchen. I rolled my eyes at my sister and turned out of the room without a word.

When I walked into the kitchen, Bella was looking from cupboard to cupboard, looking for a glass. She looked nervous as she frantically searched around the kitchen, and I found this really odd and amusing considering that I was pretty sure that she knew this kitchen like the back of her hand.

"Ahem," I cleared my throat as I stood in the doorway watching her flutter around my parent's kitchen. Bella froze as she turned back to look at me. And she _blushed,_ she actually blushed. I hadn't seen he blush in years, and it was still just as enduring.

"I can't find the glasses," she muttered as she turned to continue her searching. I chuckled, "They're in the same place they've always been Bella," I informed her as I made my way to the cabinet beside the sink.

Bella looked flushed as she huffed and turned to that particular cabinet, "Yeah, well I was just getting there," she snapped as she ripped open the door and hastily pulled out a glass, sending me a glare in the process.

I brought over a bottle Chardonnay to Bella when I noticed that it was what she was in search for next. She sighed once she seen me holding it in front of her, and took in gently before she began pouring herself glass.

"So, how've you been Bells?" I asked once she had already consumed a large amount of her drink.

Bella nodded a couple of times before she spoke, "I've been great Edward. Works good, there's a possible promotion coming up and the word around the office is that I'm next in line to get it, but I'm not to sure yet," she stalled her continuous rambling.

"Why wouldn't you take the promotion, by the sounds of it, you deserve it." I offered, hoping that she saw the sincerity there.

Bella merely shrugged while she shook her head, "I don't know, it would require me to leave New York, and I love it there, I don't see me leaving any time soon."

"Well, what are some of the drawbacks to your job now?"

Bella puzzled in thought as she took another drink from her glass, "It's far away from home. I miss my dad, and I would really like to see him more often," she said as she began refilling her glass.

I wanted to ask about Riley, but didn't know how to ease into that certain conversation.

"What does Riley think about your possible promotion?" Well, that wasn't very subtle, but it sparked an interest in her eyes, because they immediately hardened.

"I'm not with Riley anymore," she finally whispered as she took another long swig of her Chardonnay, effectively ending that conversation.

That caught me off guard. Yes, I had thought that this was the case when she briefly talked about it with Alice in the living room moments before, but I had dismissed it thinking that Bella would have mentioned it to Alice before she arrived. Unless this was a recent thing?

"What about you? How's _Rachel?" _Bella snarled as she ran her finger along the rim of her wine glass.

I couldn't help but smirk, Bella and I hadn't talked for so long that she hadn't known that Rachel and I had broken up almost a year ago, and the mention of Rachel from Bella only reminded me of that last time that we actually _really _talked.

"Actually, Rachel and I aren't together anymore, and we haven't been for a really long time," and I was surprised that Bella hadn't heard about it from either Alice or Rosalie, or hell from even Esme, the gossip queen herself.

Bella looked up and immediately looked both shocked and apologetic. "Edward, I'm sorry I didn't know," she whispered as she shamefully looked back down at her glass.

I sighed and took a step forward placing my hand on her forearm, instantly feeling the spark at the little contact.

"It's alright Bella, really. Rachel left nearly a year ago now, the wounds from that are almost healed. So, if anyone should be apologizing it should be me, I mean I asked about Riley and clearly that's still fresh." Bella nodded, and I thought I saw a tear run down her cheek.

"Yeah well, I'm still sorry all the same," she said as she quickly wiped at her cheeks.

Bella and I went on to stand silently side by side in the kitchen. The air between us was think and heavy, and no longer as light and carefree as it once had been. I desperately wanted that feeling to come back, because once upon a time our relationship was the only thing that made sense to me, and now I was completely, and utterly lost without it – without her.

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**Well, there you have it. Again Chapter 4 is in the works, and I do post their outfits on my profile along with the different songs that go along with this story. So check them out, but please leave a review first, because as we all know, reviews are always great ;) **

**Thanks for reading, and until next time, **

**~JustAGirl93  
**


	4. Twilight Galaxy

**TWILIGHT BELONGS TO SM, ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU OTHERWISE ARE WRONG**

**Well I suck, and I already know that so no point to make that any clearer. Here is Chapter Four to All My Days, and it is titled Twilight Galaxy, which is based on the song by Metic, if you haven't heard of them you should check them out because they are pretty great. This one is pretty long, but there's a lot more to this chapter than there usually is. I won't say when the next one will be posted because as you have learned, I never make those deadlines. **

**But anyways, read on and I'll get back to you at the end...Oh, and please excuse any spelling mistakes and what not you may come across, I tried to get them all...I really did.  
**

* * *

Chapter 4: Twilight Galaxy

***

_June 2005_

_ School was out and I was back home in Forks, well for a couple of weeks at least. Soon I would be moving back into the city and into my new apartment. I had been offered an internship at a company by one of my teachers; and I was more than excited to get started. _

_ But in the mean time, June was the month of my twentieth birthday, and also the month that Bella would be coming home after a year of travelling the world._

_ Bella and I hadn't talked since that night that she was in Seattle. I hadn't seen or heard from her once, but apparently she and Alice had kept in touch after her stop in Texas. _

_ Since the last time I had seen her, I tried my best to keep busy with school, because during the times that I wasn't working or studying, I was thinking back to Bella and how I ruined everything by not going back to talk to her. _

_ My decision at the time had been moral and just, but after a while when I really started to miss her, and I knew that it wasn't my shining hour._

_ So I worked and kept my mind on school and anything that related to it. I went to a few parties with my roommate, and helped get distracted with the help of collage classmates. But I had to have a fair amount of alcohol in my system to do either of those._

_ My birthday was just a day or two away when I decided to go for a much needed drive. I had been kept up in my house since I got home, and I was starting to feel like a hermit. _

_ So I drove, and soon I found myself parked at the beginning of the trail to our meadow. Then before I knew it, my legs were moving, and I was getting closer and closer to my once childhood haven. _

_ I hadn't been to the meadow in over a year. Yeah sure at Christmas I had contemplated coming here for some sort of comfort, but thought better of it and convinced myself that it was only going to make the hurt worse than it already was._

_ When I came out to the clearing, the picture in front of me made me panic. It had changed. _

_The giant oak tree that Bella had once described so perfectly had fallen over and crushed the patches of flowers that lay underneath it. This had to be an omen. _

_ I went closer to inspect the tree, and it appeared that it was struck by lightning and had fallen during a spring storm. _

_ When I rounded the fallen tree, I froze. Someone was standing there, running their fingers over the bark. It was her. _

_ Bella looked up once she seen me. He face was blank; she sniffled and relaxed a bit once she realized it was me._

_ I still couldn't believe that she was here. Bella Swan was standing right in front on me, in our meadow, in Forks, after a whole year._

_ "Edward," she whispered as she looked back over to the tree, "It fell." _

_ That was all she said. She turned and looked at me, and she almost seemed stunned. I didn't move, neither did she, and after a few moments, she came running into my arms and started to weep._

_ Bella was weeping for the tree, weeping for the meadow; weeping for us, what we lost and what we never had. When she pulled away she looked up at me and wiped her tears away. _

_ "Goodbye Edward," she said it so calm and clearly, as if it hadn't pained her to say those words to me at all. Bella backed away, and walked around the tree to the center of the meadow, and she threw her arms up in the air – just as she had the last night we were here. _

_ "Bella," I called after her as I ran towards her. But she just looked at me and ran to the trail, towards another strange person that I could not recognize. Their arms were outstretched to her as she ran into them. _

_Soon she was gone, and I was all alone in the meadow, searching for her._

_ "Bella!" I repeatedly cried as I walked around and around the meadow; looking. But it was silent and completely still. Everything was quiet, and not even the wind of the past blew._

_ I hastily jumped up and looked around. I was still in my parent's house in my childhood room. _

_It was just that stupid dream again. For the past month, I'd had that dream each night; well it seemed like each night. It always seemed to inform me of the same thing: I would always remain searching for Bella – the Bella of the past, my Bella. _

_I looked around and glanced at the calendar on the wall, today was my birthday. "Happy Twentieth Birthday Chump, enjoy it alone" I muttered to myself as I shook the dream away from my mind. Today was just going to be another rainy and long one in Forks, WA. _

_I had never returned back to the meadow; I refused to even consider going back alone. _

_The entire day of my twentieth birthday wasn't one to be remembered. I went out to dinner with Esme and Carlisle, had a phone call from Alice and Jasper, and another one from Rose and Emmett. Carlisle bought me a new lap top for my next semester at school and Esme had picked me up a personalized brief case for my summer job. _

_Just as the night was wandering down, at eleven o'clock at night there was a knock at the door. _

_I ignored the knock since I was already getting ready for bed. I had expected Carlisle or Esme to answer it if it was so important. I made my way to the bathroom to get ready to call it a day, I had to help Mrs. Newton with the moving trucks the next morning (Esme had volunteered me for the job since her son, Mike, was too much of a lazy ass to help his own mother). _

_When I returned to my room, my window was open, and when I glanced around, I was startled to find a bombshell beauty perched up on my bed. _

_I knew my mouth was agape, and I could only imagine that I looked like one of those cartoon shows you watched as a kid; you know the ones where the male dog – or cat – sees the beautiful female. Yeah, I looked like a drooling, wide mouth fool. _

_But, there she was once again, Bella Swan, sitting in my room just as she had when we were kids. _

_Eight months later, and she looked the same, but yet slightly different. Her hair was much shorter than it had been the last time I had seen her, below the shoulder maybe, she was smaller, so much smaller that if her mother would have seen her she would wondered what Bella had been living off of for the past year, and she looked tired. Bella had bags under her eyes, but they seemed to blend in with the rest of her features, never once faltering her beauty. Her eyes somehow seemed deeper, and filled with all the adventures she'd just been through. _

_Bella and I stared at each other, neither of us speaking, until she gave me a whole hearted, breath taking grin, "Happy Birthday," she said as she got up off the bed and made her way over to me. _

_Once she stood in front of me, she glanced down at her watch, "It is still officially your birthday for the next twenty minutes. So, what does my best friend want to do for the next twenty minutes?" she asked as she threw her arms around my neck. I greedily took her into my own embrace and enjoyed the familiar feeling of her in my arms. _

_It had been months since the two of us talked, but right then, it felt like no time had separated us at all. Bella was still speaking in such a low tone, almost as if it hurt her to even be here, but at the same time she seemed just as elated as I was to be in the other's presence. _

"_When did you get in?" I asked, completely ignoring her question. Bella looked down at her watch again as she turned back toward the bed to take a seat. _

"_My plane landed in Seattle around ten thirty; I rushed through checking and made it home in record timing. Technically I haven't even been to my house yet, I wanted to wish my best friend happy birthday when it mattered most," she explained with a light smile. _

"_How'd you get in here?"_

"_The window," she simply answered as she shrugged her shoulder, a devilishly grin now set in place. "Well, for the record I did knock, but no one would answer so I climbed the lattice," she defended herself. _

_I smiled and walked forward to take a seat beside her. "We're not kids anymore Bella, you can't just hop in and out of people's windows," I scolded her._

"_Hey, look at you talking all high and mighty like you're all grown up. And for the record, I didn't climb in people's window's just yours," she said as she laughed and jabbed me with her little finger at my side. _

_I grinned at that fact, Bella only ever climbed in my window late at night – no one else's._

"_So, what are you doing for school next semester Bella?" I asked her as she started playing with the edges of my comforter. _

_She shrugged, "I'm not sure yet. I'm enrolled in for a semester at Seattle U, but I also got offered to attend Washington U. And then there's New York..." she sighed as she turned on the bed to look at me. _

_Her eyes held something, something that she desperately wanted to tell me but was obviously trying to find the proper way to word it. _

"_I got offered a scholarship at NYU. When we performed there last year, they offered me a scholarship. The program managers agreed, and suggested that I take up the offer, but you and I have always agreed that Seattle U was where we would be. It's close to home, but in New York I have Emmett and Rose too. And NYU is a great opportunity..." she trailed off. _

_This was it; the tree falling in our meadow, the flowers crushing underneath our feet, the girl of my dreams running in the other direction. There was something that she wasn't telling me, and I wanted to hear it. _

"_And, Riley is going to school in New York for the next four years...and since we started seeing each other, he really wants me to attend with him..." she mumbled into her shoulder as she kept her eyes away from mine. She completely refused to look into my eyes. _

_And there it was; the truth that I had been longing to hear for months. Alice hadn't told me anything about Bella, so I was awaiting the inevitable. _

_She was with Riley. The Riley I met at the bar that night, the Riley from the program; Riley from Liverpool. _

_Bella was now completely out of my grasp and I couldn't help but think that it was entirely my fault. But she let go too right? It took two to tango, and I was now tangoing by myself, just as I always was. _

"_So I guess you're attending NYU next year," it wasn't a question, and Bella didn't take it as one. _

"_For the second semester I am. But I'm still enrolled for first semester at Seattle U, so I'll be there in the fall."_

_Bella and I sat there, both of us were just taking in the moment. We both knew that there would be no more talk of what was to come for next fall, and that we would just enjoy what we had, this moment and hopefully the summer. Things between us had become so complicated over the last few years that moments where it was just us had to be cherished. _

"_I missed you so much, Edward," she said as she sighed and leaned her head down on my shoulder. _

_I rested my chin on top of her head and took in the familiar strawberry scent, and relished in the fact that she was just _here. _I missed her with everything in my soul and being, and even though she wasn't mine, I wasn't going to take her for granted anymore._

"_I missed you too Bella, more that you could comprehend. I needed my best friend this year, and just the fact that you're here means the world to me." _

"_Ditto," was as she mumbled as I felt her body become limp along the side of mine. I knew she was tired, I could tell the moment I seen her. So, I removed her shoes, pulled back the sheets of my bed, and pulled her body against mine, letting the sleep overtake her. _

_Just like when we were kids, Bella rolled into my side and rested her forehead against my chest. _

"_Thank you, Edward," was all she said as she wrapped her little arms around my torso. She sighed in contentment, and I had a feeling that it was the first time she had in a year._

"_No thank you, Bella. You just being here is the best birthday gift I could have ever asked for," I whispered truthfully and wholeheartedly into her hair. _

"_Good," I heard her slur, "Because I didn't get you anything else." I laughed, and it felt good to laugh with Bella like nothing had changed. _

_And, just because I was a masochist, just like I had every night for the past eight months, I wondered what would have happened if I stayed with Bella that night in Seattle, what would have happened if I explained to her my point of view, and what would have happened if I ran up to that angel before she got on that bus. The only difference now, was that I just happened to currently have that particular angel in my arms._

_***_

_Bella and I spent almost every day that summer together, and during that time, we entered our old familiar routine._

_She told me of her travels around the world, the places she'd been, the friends she'd met, the people she'd helped, and Riley. I told her of my classes, the teachers, and the people I'd met along with my part time job, and a girl that I had recently become close with – Rachel._

_ While Bella was gone Rachel and I had become exceptionally close. She made it clear that she wanted to take our relationship to the next level, but I was still waiting to hear from Bella. _

_But truthfully, I had never saw Rachel that way. She was a friend that I had made at school, and as much as I felt bad for confusing her, I let her down gently and the two of us remained friends. _

_ When Bella and Rachel first met, they didn't exactly hit it off. Bella had said that she thought Rachel wasn't like someone that I usually hung around with, almost like another Tanya, but I never saw the resemblance. _

_And Rachel, well she had said that she knew the moment that'd she met Bella that I was "carrying a torch for her" and that she was the reason that we never started anything. Rachel was hurt, but she stuck around and we continued to talk in and out of school. _

_I remembered one day where I overheard Alice and Bella talking about Riley. Over that summer Alice and Jasper came home every once or twice and month, and when she talked about him with Alice, the love sick smile never left its place._

"_I can't stop thinking about him," she had gushed to Alice when they were sitting out back on the porch. "He's sweet, in every email he sends me there's a different quote from a bunch of different poems. I grin at the start of each day just by reading it." Alice beamed as she listened intently._

"_I know it sounds really cheesy..." Bella blushed as she shook her head and looked out across the yard. _

"_Yes it is," Alice agreed with a smile, "But it's beautiful too. That boy's so in love with you Bella. As a matter of fact I knew that he had an infatuation with you the moment I seen him." Alice smiled as she continued to listen to Bella go on and on about Riley and how he was apartment searching for them in New York for the next spring. _

_I just continued to listen to my sister and my best friend – whom I was in love with – go on and on about how another guy was utterly perfect for her. It's true; eaves droppers never hear anything good. _

_Later that night Alice came into the house after Bella had left for the evening, and when she walked into the house, she looked me square in the face and said with a completely straight face, "She doesn't love him," and she left it at that. _

_I never asked Alice to elaborate, not that she would even if I did._

_ In the spring of 2006, after Bella had transferred to New York to attend NYU, I accepted that Bella and I were never going to happen. The sight of her happiness with Riley at the airport left me drained. I had nothing else to give, and there was clearly nothing that she wanted to take. _

_ So, I started my two year relationship with Rachel that spring. Rachel was my first. She was my first real relationship, my first female roommate, and a lot of other firsts too. _

_Bella and I kept in touch. We had met up in the summer and spent three weeks is Forks together. We called each other for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. But in the fall of 2007, Bella and I had both finally reached our limits. _

_Thanksgiving of 2007, we were all back in Forks, something that hadn't occurred since our senior year in high school and Esme had insisted that we all be present for her annual Thanksgiving dinner. _

_Carlisle had called me into his office a few days before dinner was scheduled and handed me my grandmother's ring. "I think you're ready for this, Edward," he had said once he had me alone in his office. _

"_I see the way you look at Rachel, the way you two talk to one another. The look in your eyes tells me that you're contemplating it, and if you're ready to take the next step, I would like you to give this to her." Then he handed me the ring. _

_ I was left speechless, I wasn't even thinking about asking Rachel to marry me. But now, I certainly was mulling it over. _

_Did I love Rachel? Could I see myself growing old with her? Where would we live? What about her career? What about mine? _

_ These were only some of the questions running through my head. I had been promised a head job in Chicago, and Rachel was staying in Seattle for the year to get her masters. I had a lot to think about._

_ But when I exited my father's office, I walked into the kitchen and saw Rachel laughing and causally talking with my mother like they had known each other for years. Rachel threw her head back in laughter and her blonde hair fell down her back. She fit so perfectly with my family._

_ I grinned as my sister joined into the joking and playing along. Rachel and Alice had become friends over the year and a half that I had been with her, and Alice seemed to accept that I was with Rachel, just as she had accepted that Bella was with Riley. _

_ Rachel fit well with us and I suddenly pictured her being there permanently. When she saw me staring at her, she grinned and sent me a discrete wink as she walked by and made her way over to the fridge. Then it hit me, I did love Rachel._

_ All the little things that she did made me see that she was perfect for me. She was gorgeous, she was sweet, but none of that compared to how calm I felt around her. There was no pressure, no stress and no problems. It was easy to be with her. _

_ Carlisle was right, I was ready to take the next step. _

_ The next day, while Rachel went into Seattle with Esme to pick up some last minute items for dinner, I was home alone holding the fort. _

_The summer's before I had loved to be home alone, it gave me time to catch up on some reading, something that I wasn't able to do at school._

_ But of course, a certain brunette friend of mine never allowed me my freedom to do so. _

_ "Edward," Bella's voice rang as she burst through the front door and made her way into the living room. "Come out, come out wherever you are," she sang as she rounded the corner. _

_ "Ah, there you are. Here I thought you were giving me the slip," she joked as she hopped down on the couch beside me. _

_ "No, I wouldn't dream of that Bells," I rolled my eyes sarcastically knowing very well that I couldn't, nor would I ever want to, ever give her 'the slip'. _

_Bella huffed,"Har Har. No but seriously, I'm bored," she complained as she threw her feet up on the coffee table._

_ "Don't put your feet up there, Esme would have a field day if she caught you," I said casually, not once looking up from my book. _

_ Bella groaned as she threw her head back against the back of the couch and removed her feet from the table top like a scolded child. I would have laughed if she hadn't looked adorable. Adorable? What? No, you love Rachel. _

_ I placed my book down on the table, "Fine, I'll bite. What does dear Bella want to do today?" _

_ "Oh goodie, now we can finally have some fun. Let's do like we used to when we were kids Edward. Let's run down to the beach and light off fireworks during the day and scare all the dogs, or we can t-pee the high school as pay back for all the suffering it put us through, or even go and write our names on the water tower!" she exclaimed as she threw her hands up. _

_ I chuckled, "We never did those things Bella," I reminded her. _

_ "Right, drat. Well then the meadow it is," she said as she jumped up from the couch. _

_ "Wait, wait, where's Riley today? Shouldn't you be entertaining him?" Courtesy of Esme, everyone was invited to dinner, which included Bella, Charlie and Bella's one guest, Riley. _

_ Bella rolled her eyes, "He went out fishing with Charlie. Apparently the two got into some heated discussion yesterday when I was out with Alice, and Charlie really wanted to show him the lakes around here." _

_ "Oh," was my brilliant response. So, Riley really got along well with Charlie...wait, why did I care?_

_ "Where's Rachel?" Bella finally asked, and I toke note of the hostile tone laced in her voice at the mention of Rachel, and I silently smiled to myself, completely smug._

_ "She went into the city with Esme for some last minute shopping."_

_ "Oh, alright then. Let's get going, we only have a full day together so let's get cracking," she said with an enormous grin plastered all over her face as she turned on her heels and marched out of the house. _

_ Less than twenty minutes later, I followed behind Bella in the Volvo, because I insisted that I wasn't riding in that death trap beast she called a 'vehicle' and she argued that she wasn't sitting in the snob mobile (even though I knew she secretly liked it). _

_We were walking the trail to the meadow, just laughing and talking along the way about the fact that at the age of twenty two we still considered the meadow our home away from home. _

_ Bella practically squealed when she seen that our tree was standing in the meadow, taller than ever. _

_ "Gangs all here," Bella called as she ran around carelessly in the meadow. "Man I missed this place," she commented with a gleam in her eye, "Nothing's different, everything's the same," she said, this time mostly to herself as she took a seat on the tree stump._

_ "Some things are different," I finally spoke as I pulled out a bottle of wine from my bag. _

_ Bella just laughed, "Where did you steal that from?" _

_ "Esme's dinner stash, she has about twenty other bottles so I know they won't miss this." I said as I popped the cork screw open. _

_ "This isn't too different though," Bella finally said after she stole the bottle from me and started to drink from it, "I remember a couple of times when we stole a couple of Charlie's beers and brought them out here. Only now, we have Esme's wine." She laughed as she passed the bottle back to me._

_ I smiled crookedly at her, "You're such a bad influence on me Swan." _

_ Bella gasped as she swatted at my arm, "Oh whatever Cullen, don't act like you're so high and mighty over there, you're a bigger trouble maker over there then I am." _

_ I rolled my eyes, "Yeah right Bella, I was Forks High's best student," I said proudly as I stood tall._

_ Bella snorted, "Yeah I'm not sure that's something that you want to brag too much about." _

_ "What?" I asked as I started to playfully stalk towards her. _

_ "I mean seriously, why you tried to keep up so much is beyond me," Bella continued to prattle on. I just continued to stalk on further._

_ "Take it back Bella," I warned as I got ready to pounce, like a predator getting ready to attacks it prey. But Bella ignored me and continued. _

_ "I mean come on now Edward; it was Mr. O's class. No one took Mr. O's class seriously. He was the one teacher that smoked pot more than the students, and we all knew that stuff wasn't medicinal."_

_ With that I leapt, and Bella was tackled onto the ground. _

_ Bella laughed breathlessly and she squirmed as I pinned her down and attacked her ribs._

_ "Edward, sto-stop it!" she screamed as she laughed and thrashed against my hold on her. _

_ "Take it back," I said again as I made my attacks on her ribs stronger. Bella kicked and screamed as I continued to use more and more force. _

_ "No," she gasped, "You were...a..." Before she could finish that thought I decided to hit the spot that I knew Bella always reacted on – her neck. One squeeze at her neck and Bella caved. _

_ "Alright I take it back!" she shouted as she went limp in my arms. _

_ I grinned down at her and nodded once in approval, completely ceasing all my actions. "Good." _

_ Bella and I were grinning at each other when it finally came to my attention that I was lying on top of her, my body completely flushed with hers._

_ Bella froze when she realized this too, and we stared at each other, and after what felt like an eternity, I finally blinked, and came back to earth. _

_I still loved her, and as much as I wanted to move on with Rachel, it was suddenly clear that Bella was it for me – no one else would ever come close._

_ The intensity in Bella's eyes told me that she was there with me too, and I suddenly felt as if I wasn't running alone anymore. We were finally with each other, and in that moment it was just me and her, here, in our own world. _

_ Almost simultaneously, our lips crashed together, finally meeting and creating a fire deep within our souls. Bella wrapped her arms around my neck as our lips moved in sync. The moment our lips met, I felt the spark instantly. _

_I don't know where my courage came from to finally kiss Bella, but feeling her respond to me, only ignited my bravery._

_I grazed my tongue along Bella's lower lip, pleading for entrance, and she complied. Her tongue met mine, and the moment it did I knew that this was what I was waiting for. We weren't ready in Seattle all those years ago, but now we definitely were. _

_As Bella hitched her leg up onto my hip, she tilted her head back, successfully allowing me to deepen the kiss between us. _

_Soon I was pressing her down deeper and deeper into the grass, and I could feel Bella pushing up into my chest, we couldn't seem to get close enough. I wanted her more than I had ever wanted anyone - in that second, and she tasted better than I could have ever imagined. _

_Suddenly I felt myself buck into Bella's hips, and I froze. I pulled my lips away from hers, but she didn't leave my skin for a second. Bella just moved her lips to my chin and made her way from my jaw and down to my neck, encouraging me to continue. _

_I pulled back and looked at her, neither of us saying a word. I gazed down at Bella and she looked completely radiant. I was sure she could feel the obvious arousal I currently had for her, the arousal that was always there for her._

_Her hair was fanned out along the grass, her cheeks were that amazing crimson colour that only Bella seemed to accomplish, and her lips were swollen, something that _my_ lips had caused. _

"_You're beautiful," I whispered as I lightly ran my thumb along her bottom lip and continued to stare at her. Bella suddenly looked embarrassed, but before she could pull away, I gently placed my lips to hers and we started back into our frenzy once again._

_Bella fought with me for dominance in that kiss, and when she finally broke away, I took it as that time to place kisses all along her neck, just as she'd done to me._

_Her shirt had shifted in our eagerness, and now exposed a better part of her collar bone. As I moved down from her neck, I continued along her collar bone till I reached all that I had access to, and made my way back up to her neck. _

_I had thought to myself that this had to be a dream. But none of my dreams with Bella ever took this turn; they always ended up with me alone or Bella running. No, this, being here with Bella, was more than real. _

_Bella grinded up against my groin with her hips and we both froze then. I don't think she realized she even did it. _

_She looked up at me before she kissed my jaw, and when I thrusted my hips against hers, the friction that it created was purely marvellous that I craved to do it again. But before I could even contemplate it, the moan that escaped Bella's mouth almost undid me right then and there. _

_I grabbed Bella's hip and pulled her closer to me as I thrusted against her again, grinding and craving the given friction._

"_Edward," Bella breathlessly moaned as she threw back her head, showing off her neck to me even more. _

_Hearing Bella moan my name forced noises of my own to spur aloud, and I had never heard a noise like that explode from me before. _

_As I made my way to kiss along Bella's neck again, I felt her buck up into my erection with great force. _

_That only made me groan impossibly more before she removed her arms from around my neck, dragged them along and down my arms, till she finally had her tiny hands fisted firmly into the grass at my sides. _

_In all of my wildest dreams, I would have never thought Bella to be here with me like this. She was my best friend through thick and thin and being here with her just felt right; almost as if we were made for each other._

"_Edward, I've..." Bella started to whisper into my ear, but then she unexpectedly froze and stopped all her motions and pulled away from me._

_When I turned my head to gaze into her eyes, she looked shocked, scared and hurt. Her eyes held this guilty shadow, and just by the look in her eyes, you could see that reality had finally caught up with her._

"_Bella," I whispered as I tightened my hold on her, not wanting her to jump up and run away from me by the repulsion of what she was doing. She had to see how right this felt, how perfect she fit it my arms._

_But she didn't run away, she simply pulled a small black velvet box in between us and it held my gaze, and then _my _reality caught up with _me_. _

_Bella looked up at me with confusion laced in her eyes and I watched as it came to her._

"_Edward, who's ring is this?" she asked breathlessly as she looked deep into my eyes, as if she was searching deep into my soul for the answers that she never wanted to find._

_I didn't have to answer because she already knew, and then the anger settled in as she forcefully shoved me off of her and up onto my own feet. _

"_Oh my God," she kept muttering to herself repeatedly as she regained her balance and began pacing back and forth with the velvet box still in her grasp._

"_Bella," I cautiously spoke her name as I took two steps closer to her, my arms outstretched to her, just hoping that she would willingly take them on her own, but she didn't_

_Bella just turned from me and glared with panic as she stared me down. She took one look down at the ring before she finally asked, "Who's ring is this Edward?" _

_I looked away from Bella, fearful of what she would do once I told her that I _had _planned on purposing to Rachel. So instead, I gave her the half truth._

"_That's my grandmother's ring..."_

_Bella's eyes practically popped out of her head, "Wait...what? Are you telling me this is Grandmother Cullen's ring? The ring that Esme has described to us since we were kids? The ring that she said gave off all the colours of the..."_

_Bella trailed off when she finally opened the box and looked down at the ring – she knew exactly what this ring was for, and who I was intended to give it too. _

"_It's more beautiful than she described," she whispered as she held the ring and brought it closer to her eyes for a better look. _

_I was frozen in shock. We went from one moment of heated truths to another moment of harsh reality. A reality where Bella wasn't mine, and I wasn't hers._

"_Bella-" _

"_You were going to give this ring to Rachel this weekend weren't you?" she cut me off before I even had the chance to explain._

_And when I didn't answer her, she snapped the box shut and tossed the box back to me, taking my silence as her answer._

"_I can't believe you Edward! I-I can't believe myself! How could I have let it get so close to wh-what almost just happened. I have Riley...and you have a fiancé to get back to. This shouldn't hav-"_

"_She's not my fiancé!" I shouted before Bella could continue. I didn't want her to admit that she regretted what just happened, what almost happened. _

"_Regardless Edward, I'm with Riley and your with Rachel, I mean doesn't that seem wrong to you? What just happened here, doesn't it seem vile?" _

"_No Bella, nothing between us has ever been wrong. Bella, I'm not going to ask Rachel to marry me, Carlisle suggested it, but I'm not going to. She's not it for me Bella."_

_There, if she couldn't read between the lines with that last statement, I couldn't say anymore, she had to figure it out on her own._

"_Edward, if something was supposed to happen between you and I, believe me it would have happened already. We would have gotten together back in Seattle, but nothing happened because there's nothing there." _

_I could see Bella battling with herself to tell me those lies of hers, but I wouldn't let her, I couldn't let her. _

"_Bella, I'm sorry I didn't stay that night, believe me when I say that I beat myself up for it every day since it happened, but there's nothing I can do about that now. It happened, we're here, and we're home. But what we can change is our future."_

_I really wanted her to see the pleading in my eyes, but she looked toward the trail, and I knew she was wishing she could run back in the other direction and ignore this whole situation, because that's what we did. But not anymore, we had to face this once and for all._

"_Edward, we'd better get back. Rachel and Esme gotta be back from the store now and Charlie and Riley are due back any minute, so I really think we should leave." _

_Before I could even get another word out, Bella was already halfway to the trail, once again leaving me behind. _

_Bella and I went our separate ways, and the next day at dinner she ignored me for most of the night. She kept her distance and stared down at her shoes most of the night. Every once and awhile I would notice Riley squeeze her hand and she would send him a forced and weak smile, and when he would look away, seemingly satisfied by her response, her smile would quickly diminish._

_ How could he not know that her smile was forced? Simple: he didn't know Bella, not even close._

_When Bella excused herself from the rest of us in the living room, I quickly jumped up and followed her into the kitchen._

"_Bella, are we ever going to talk about what happened?" I asked her once we were alone. Bella's hung her head and turned around to face me. She looked tired, like she hadn't slept a single wink._

"_Edward, I don't know what to say. Part of me wants to scream at you for not telling me about the ring, and the other part of me wants to scream at myself for letting it get that far and if the truth comes out both Riley and Rachel will be hurt. But the latter half of me wants to stay..." Bella trailed off, throwing her hands to her head and tugging at her loose hair._

"_Edward, things with us have always been so complicated, and I have always wondered what would become of you and me, and now that we're here, I have a feeling that this is what there is...me, you and our better halves." Bella was whispering now and I could see silent tears wanting to spill from her eyes. _

"_Riley asked me to go to Liverpool for the holiday's to spend it with his family and I kinda already said yes."_

_My heart broke, she already made her decision. "When did he ask you?" _

_Bella continued to avoid eye contact with me, keeping her eyes trained to anything and everything in the room. She cleared her throat, "This morning." _

_I couldn't give up. "Why, Bella? You just said that you wanted to stay, why are you leaving with him? Is it guilt because of what happened? Bella, you know a large part of you wants to stay because I know I want you to stay." _

_Bella violently shook her head. "I can't Edward; you have Rachel and your family. She's right for you Edward, and I'm...not." He voice cracked towards the end of her speech, and before her tears started to fall, she stepped up on her toes and whispered in my ear, "You're my best friend, and I do love you...but I have to do this, tr-trust me," and with that, she ran out of the room. _

_That was it. I nodded a couple of times and smiled weakly. "Well here goes nothing..." and I left the room._

_I purposed to Rachel that night in front of my family and everyone. Both Alice and Emmett gave me the same concerned and confused look, and before Bella left that night she kissed my cheek and whispered one last time in my ear in a strained voice, "Congratulations."_

_***_

The rest of the night dragged on after Alice and Jasper's dinner, and was filled with drinks, poker, and skeletons in the closet. Esme and Carlisle headed out to Seattle for the weekend to pick up some things for the wedding the next week and left us alone with the house for the weekend, and night one was kicked off with drinks all around.

"Hey," a drunken Emmett barked at all of us as we sat outside on the patio, "Remember Tanya, yeah I saw her at the Supermarket in Port Angles the other week, and she told me that she has a four year old, yeah it seems like she didn't wait too long after high school to get with someone."

We all mused over that, till Emmett broke the silence, "Edward, didn't you say that you were going to marry that girl back in grade school?" Everyone laughed at that as I tossed a cushion at Emmett's head, which he was too intoxicated to dodge. "Look's like you lucked out there man."

Rosalie smirked, "He said he was going to marry a couple of women."

The room went dead silent, but it was Bella who hissed, "Rose," Bella gave Rosalie a warning tone while she shook her head.

But Rosalie just shrugged, "What I'm just saying, he did purpose to Rachel in front of everyone to see, and he told Emmett about Tanya..."

Alice jumped in, "Oh yeah, and when we were kids, Edward always said that he was going to be the one to marry Bella, he wanted to protect her from all the bad kids at school." Everyone laughed at that, but Bella blushed – _my_ blush.

"Alice, I did not say that..." but Emmett continued to tease me for it, "That's right, he did! I remember that one time when they were eight when he locked Bella and him up in his room because I pushed her off the swing and she scraped her knee. Edward was so pissed that I made Bella cry that he told me I could never speak to her again. Then he went and played Dr. Cullen Jr. and patched up her knee with a Duck Tails Band Aid."

Everyone roared with laughter at Emmett's retelling of the story, even Bella chuckled at the memory. "Hey, Em he had darn good reason to. I still have the scar on my knee from the gash that you left." Bella shouted over the laughter.

Emmett cooed, "Aw sorry Swan, didn't mean to scar you for life, literally."

Rosalie smacked Emmett upside the head, "Did you really push a little girl off the swing set?" she chaisted.

"Hey, it wasn't my fault that she was taking too long, and we only had one!" Emmett defended himself.

The rest of the night went on pretty much like that. More alcohol flowed and more stories were told. Soon everyone was off to bed, and it was just Alice, Jasper, me and Bella left sitting around outside.

"Bella are you sure you should be driving home right now, it's almost three in the morning?" Alice asked as Bella started to make her way to the coat closet.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Charlie's house isn't that far from here, besides he's expecting me."

I couldn't have Bella driving home intoxicated, "Seriously Bella, you should stay here tonight. Just call Charlie and leave him a message to let him know, I'm sure he'd feel much better knowing that you stayed the night rather than risking your life."

"Yeah, c'mon Bella, try to see the Chief's side like the chief's daughter you are," Alice agreed with me as she drunkenly slurred and as she was being pulled to bed by Jasper.

Before Bella could protest again, Jasper answered for her, "Bella you'll sleep in Edward's room, Edward you will sleep down here on the couch. Good night you two," he called when he was finally at the top of the stairs with a sleeping Alice in his arms.

Bella and I stood in the foyer looking at one another, wondering exactly what just happened. I half smiled at her, "C'mon Bells, I'll show you to your room for the night," and I headed up the stairs to my room, without even checking to see if she was following me, knowing darn well that she already would.

I felt a smirk creep up on my face at the sound of her footsteps trailing behind me – I still knew my girl.

I led Bella into my room and waited for her to take the invitation to sleep on the bed. When she just awkwardly stood in the doorway, I shook my head.

"C'mon Bells you've been her about a thousand time before, just take your side of the bed, I'll just grab some clothes and head downstairs."

As I moved to the dresser, I heard Bella speak up, "Edward, I don't want to put you out of your room. This is silly really, how many times have we shared this bed as kids? You know the drill, this is your side and that's mine," she smirked as she motioned to the bed.

I grinned and chuckled as I shook my head, "Bella its fine really, I don't mind sleeping downstairs."

"Edward, you know it's going to bug me for hours on end and I won't even get any sleep. I'll just sleep on the couch in the living room; you can have your bed. Or, we can both share, either way it doesn't matter to me."

I sighed, knowing Bella she would never give in. "Fine, that's your side and this is mine..." I said as I pointed to the bed and threw one of my T-shirts toward her.

Bella grinned as she caught the old shirt that she always used to wear. "Ah, old friend we meet again," she said to the shirt as I threw a pair of shorts to match.

I don't know if it was the alcohol that we had consumed, or the time we spent with each other today, but Bella and I seemed to be more comfortable around each other than we had been earlier.

When we crawled in bed, everything suddenly felt normal again. Without hesitation, Bella rolled into my side and nestled her head in the crook of my neck.

Her next words shocked me, "Edward, what happened with Rachel?"

I hadn't expected Bella to ask me those words, especially on her first night here, but there they came. I decided to be honest.

"After my graduation, I started work and we became distant. She never trusted me after grad, and she said that she thought that something had happened between...you and me. We talked about it, and decided that if this was what it was going to be like for the rest of our lives than why bother and we spared ourselves the heartbreak and hurt."

Bella was silent beside me, and I was sure that she had fallen asleep, but minutes later she finally spoke so clearly, "I'm sorry Edward, I know you loved her." _Not as much as I love you._

I wanted to say those words aloud, but knew that Bella and I were just getting settled again and that wouldn't be right to drop the 'L' word just yet. So, I compromised.

"Not enough it seems." Suddenly, I had to know. "Bella, what happened with Riley?" If I was being honest, why shouldn't she?

After a moment she finally said, "Before I left I...I found a ring in the top drawer in his office when I was looking for the address book."

He had a ring, I felt my stomach churn and bile rise in my throat, and then Bella continued.

"I asked him about it, and he smiled sheepishly and got down on one knee in front of me, in our kitchen, and asked me to marry him. The second I saw that ring I knew I would be sick, and I knew that it wasn't right to feel that way. So I said no, and he blamed you. He knew about Thanksgiving Edward, which is why I came to your grad alone. He didn't want to be there more than he didn't want me to go, but you had just graduated from university, I had to be there. So I went, and when I got back nothing was the same. But he still got a ring, and when I left, I packed everything up and put it in storage before I hopped on that plane to come home."

Bella was quite, and I felt her shake as silent sobs escaped her every so often. She was obviously broken by this, but I couldn't help but wonder if she was crying for another reason.

"You're the first person I've told, I haven't even told Alice yet," she laughed humourlessly. I pulled Bella closer to me and kissed her on the top of the head, allowing her to cry into my shoulder.

"I'll always be there Bella, no matter what, you know that don't you?"

"Of course, you're my main man Edward Cullen, nothing and not anybody is going to change that, I learnt that years ago, I just needed a recap on that lesson." She chuckled as she smiled half heartedly up at me.

I smiled down at her, wishing she could read the love I had for her in my eyes. We slept soundlessly that night in my bed, leaving the world locked outside of my room, and just wishing that we could go back in time to when we were twelve years old again.

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**Alright, well thank you for reading. I really appriciate the few of you who are actually reading this and making it fun for me. Please leave a review and tell me what you think. And keep in mind constructive criticism is always more than welcome. **

**And please be sure to check out my profile page for the playlist to this story along with their outfits in this chapter.  
**

**Till Next Time,**

**~JustAGirl93**


	5. Perfect

**NO, I AM NOT SM.**

**I know I suck, trust me I'm aware, but if it's any consolation this chapter is my longest yet. There is approximately one more left chapter left and then an epilogue. I've had lot's of fun with this, and it has brought me the ispiration I needed to find my way back to my other story, _Colorblind, _which was the whole point of this novella. I really loved writing this story, it was fun and I think that was the whole point. Thank you for reading, I really love my readers, even though I probably lost a lot of you with this, but thank you all the same.**

**As usual I apologize for all the errors you will definately come across, I'm not the greatest editor (although I wish I was...). **

**Happy Readings, and I'll see you on the flip side :)  
**

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Chapter 5: Perfect**

The next morning, I woke up and heard a bunch of voices downstairs. I could feel the overly anxious wedding atmosphere from where I was, and I wasn't there yet. I rolled over onto the other side of the bed before I realized that that was where Bella should have been.

I jumped up and looked around the room – I was alone. More than likely, Alice had come in sometime early this morning and grabbed Bella and ran. Today the girls were supposed to take care of the last minute details before the wedding. Alice had asked us all to take part, but I wasn't so sure that I wanted to go on and on with celebrating love.

Before I got out of bed and made the way to my shower, I turned to look at the clock and saw that it read Eight-Fifteen AM and threw my arms over my face and groaned, I guess Alice didn't believe in taking the time to nurse a hangover.

When I walked into the bathroom I jumped. There, in the middle of _my_ bathroom stood Bella with only a towel wrapped around her. She had her leg parched up on the side of the tub while she was applying some type of lotion to her legs and her wet hair fell down her shoulder. I was frozen in shock, I didn't want to stare, but at the same time I didn't turn away. I was a pervert and I was going to hell.

My breath hitched and that's when Bella must have realized I was there because she shrieked and pulled the towel closer around herself as she threw one hand over her heart.

"Edward, shit, you could have at least let me know you were standing there," but it wasn't until she had calmed her breathing that she realized that had just happened, and when I removed my eyes from her after she cleared her throat uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I honestly thought you were downstairs with everyone else," I detected a hint of Strawberry in the air; the smell of Bella, the scent I had known for ages. Damn, I was seriously going to hell.

"Its okay, Edward, I mean it is you bathroom," she just continued to stand there looking at me uncomfortably.

"Yeah well, what do you girls have planned for today?" I asked, trying to find a distraction all the while keeping my eyes planted on anything but her – it was a challenge just keeping myself composed.

"Well, I know Alice has a few things planned for us, so knowing Alice I imagine my day's full," this was weird, but at the same time it wasn't. Bella and I were making conversation in the middle of my bathroom, with her more exposed than I had seen her when she would wear those bathing suites Rose and Alice had pushed her into.

"Yeah, well," I turned to leave, completely forgetting about getting myself ready, "I'll let you finish,"

"Oh its okay, I'm almost-"

"Take your time!" I cut her off as I closed the door behind me. Could this get any more awkward?

The last time that I had really seen Bella was about a year and maybe four or five months ago? Yeah, I'd say that was a really long time.

Her life and career had really gone well in New York, or so I'd heard, and now I was wondering what she would do without Riley. If I did say something to her and we talked about everything, would she leave her job and move with me to Chicago? Probably not, but I'd really like to think so.

When I had finished getting ready I made my way downstairs around Nine o'clock and found my family and Bella sitting in the kitchen eating breakfast, with of course Alice rambling off the things that we had to do. When my eyes met Bella's she blushed and quickly looked down back at her plate and continued to chew her food.

Ah, there's the reaction that I was looking for this morning.

Rose caught our exchange and looked back and forth between us with a somewhat questioning but all the while a knowing expression on her face. I was glad that my other siblings weren't as observant.

"Why did you make us all wake up so early Al?" Emmett complained as he handed me a plate from the cupboard.

"It's not that early Em, so stop complaining. And okay, so well mom and dad are in the city taking care of all the final and big arrangements, the little stuff still needs to get done," Alice rattled on, Emmett groan by the stove where he was still flipping bacon.

Alice cleared her throat and ignored him, "Anyways like I was saying, the little stuff still has to get done, but lucky for us we can do all that here at the house, we just have to pick up what we need. If we work fast enough we can enjoy tonight and just hang out, like old times." She grinned as she put down her clip board – yes Alice actually had a clip board, I was just glad that it wasn't pink of something.

"What exactly do we have to do today?" Bella asked cautiously as she took a drink of her orange juice. Bella had always been told by her mother that orange juice first thing in the morning cured a hangover for the rest of the day – a Floridian, go figure.

"Well you know, like make the little candies that sit at the table and have our names on them, we have to put those together with a ribbon, umm...we have to come up with a seating plan, we still have to figure out how we're all doing our hair. Oh, and I called the spa and they said that they did have room so all of us, including Esme, have appointments Friday, the day before the wedding."

"Alice," Rose groaned and asked, "Why do you need candies, and can't you just hire people to put them together?"

Alice sighed, "No, it's much cheaper this way, and they look great on the table."

Jasper chuckled, "Trust me guys, I asked there's no getting through to her. She has this whole thing planned out, just go with it."

Emmett placed the last bit of food on the table in front of us and mocked, "Alright Alice, break!"

Despite our hangovers, the rest of us laughed but Alice picked up a piece of bacon off the plate, and just like a child, threw it at Emmett's chest, making us laugh even more.

_June 2008 _

_ I woke up late on the morning of my grad, both dreading and eternally grateful that the day had finally arrived. While I would be graduating and leaving behind the hard and late study nights, the stress of finals, and the gruelling professors, I was also graduating into the real world. I had graduated from the last school I would ever attend and starting a high position job at a company that _ _I was already familiar with. My summer internships paid off and I earned myself a high paying position in an advertising company right out of school, how many students have that opportunity? _

_ Rachel had been preparing a celebratory party for my accomplishments and all of our friends were to be there. My family had come into the city for the day, yet there I was forcing myself to get out of bed. The only person I wanted to be there wouldn't come, and it was my entire fault because in the last seven months I couldn't swallow my stupid pride and call her. But again, the phone did go both ways._

_ Bella didn't even know when my graduation was, but I was betting that Esme or Alice had filled her in on all the details. But when I asked them, they both said that they didn't want to "meddle" and that they didn't know that I wanted to tell her. She was my best friend; of course I wanted to tell her._

_ Rachel came storming into our room, that women was on a mission and I could see it in her eyes as she whipped open the curtains and turned to look at me with her hands on her hips. _

_ "Edward, what are you still doing in bed? You graduate today, in a few hours actually, and we have so much to do still. Your parents are already in town and have checked into their hotel, Alice said that she was taking care of the last minute details for the party tonight, but you still have to pick up that suite that I rented..." Rachel continued to ramble off our days to do list and I completely zoned out. _

_ Both my sister and Rachel had gone completely overboard. They rented me some name brand suit that I didn't even know the name of, and the party was to take place at some deserted beach that Alice and Rachel had dubbed "perfect for Edward," but if I had it my way, the party would have been at home in my own back yard and not on some beach that I'd never even been to. _

_ "Rachel," I tried to calm her rapid speech by pulling her back toward me on the bed. "Hey, just relax okay. It's my grad; doesn't that give me the right to just enjoy today?" I started sucking at the base of her neck, but I could still feel the tense contour lines of her body. "I mean, I would rather stay in bed all day afterwards with you, here, and watch Superman and Star Wars."_

_ She pushed her way off the bed and away from me, "Edward c'mon you know how I feel about space and how much I put into planning this. I just want today to be perfect for you, is that so wrong?"_

_ "Rache, you know you don't have to be perfect all the time right?"_

_ She sighed, "I'm sorry Edward, but we all can't join some group that travels all around the world because we want to, or hop a plane and transfer to NYU because we _want _to, and we all don't grow up in small towns where is doesn't matter how well you do because the competition isn't that fierce."_

_ Ouch._

_ I glanced at the clock and saw that it was going on eleven; I graduated at two and had to be there by at least one-thirty. I guessed it was time to start getting ready, and started to make my way to the shower, trying my best to ignore my fiancée and what she had just said. _

_ "Look, I'm sorry Edward," Rachel moaned as she reached for me and pulled me around to face her, "I just feel like your always comparing me to her. This is who I am; you knew that when you asked me out, and you knew that even more when you asked me to marry you. But, sometimes I get the feeling as if you're comparing me to _her_. I was brought up to be perfect and articulate, my parents worked for the senate, I _had _to be."_

_ "I know. Now, I have to take a shower and get ready for the day. I'll pick up the suit after I'm done and then I'll come back here to get ready." I kissed the top of her forehead and closed the bathroom door behind me. _

_ Rachel didn't say another word on that topic and I didn't complain about anything the rest of the day._

_ When we pulled up to the school auditorium the sun was shinning and the heat bolted down on us. I expected it to rain since it is Washington, but the day just had to be _perfect_ just like everything else, but I wasn't complaining. _

_ I kissed Rachel and gave my family a quick greeting before I went to meet up with the rest of the graduates in the hall._

_ "Hey Ed man, can you believe this day is finally fucking here? I can't wait till your party tonight, are you sure me and Carol don't have to bring anything tonight?" Jai, a classmate that I had never really talked to asked. I forced a smile, "No, I'm pretty sure Rachel has everything covered."_

_ "You're lucky you have someone like Rachel, she's gorgeous and you never have to worry about anything," he smirked and nudged my shoulder as he ran over to get into line formation. _

Yeah, _I thought, _I never have to worry about anything.

_Craig, a friend of mine that I had met in my film elective, walked over to me and shook my hand. "Congratulations Paul," Paul was the nickname that Craig had given me once we watched Breakfast at Tiffany's one day in class, after I had told him about Bella, had had always said that I was a lot like Paul because I never told Bella how I really felt, which I resented, and he said that he'd be my wing-man either way, I just rolled my eyes._

_While Bella attended school here, she and Craig really got along, and the two of us even gave him the nickname of Ferris during one of our college bar nights. We both agreed that he was a lot like Ferris Bueller – cocky but loveable, goofy yet serene, and married his high school sweetheart. I was grateful that she never caught on as to why he called me Paul, if she knew, she never led on. _

"_Yeah, you too, Ferris," we both laughed._

"_Kinda hard to believe isn't. After all this time we're free, and tonight your party is going to finalize that, we can drink and not have to worry about getting up to do anything the next day." _

_ I grinned, "Hey speak for yourself, I have to start packing and shipping my stuff to Chicago. I start work in a couple of weeks."_

_ "Ah, that's right; you're the working stiff now. Alright, well just remember us little people when you're working high above the city." _

_ "Oh don't worry I won't, I'll just look down below and see cocky Ferris singing on top of parade floats." _

_ Craig's recent wife and high school sweetheart Nicole was also in our graduating class, and came over and stood beside him, "You two are so weird, just man up and admit that you're sad your bromance is coming to an end," she remarked._

_ "You wish we had a bromance so you could leave me," Craig mocked hurt, but Nicole only grinned, "Yes, because then I could move on and date a real man," she joked as she tightened his tie. _

_ "So, what time did you want us to show up tonight?" Nicole asked me after her and Craig were done their daily flirtatious banter. _

_ "Whenever, anytime around ten I guess. My family is taking me out to dinner, than Alice still has a few places to run to, but knowing her it'll all be set up by seven."_

_ Nicole smiled, "Alright, well if she needs any help just get her to call me; I gave her my number the last time she was around, I'm sure she still has it."_

"Can we have all graduates form into line now; when the music starts we will all make our way into the auditorium..." _The secretary in charge of the grad committee announced._

_ "Yeah, of course, I'll tell Alice you offered."_

_ "Great, find us and we'll meet up for pictures after the ceremony." Nicole yelled over her shoulder as the two of them moved behind to the back of the line, hand in hand._

_ I knew that's what I was missing with Rachel. It wasn't the intimate part, between the two of us that was fine, it was the ability to be care free. Craig and Nicole had every aspect a couple needs. They weren't perfect and fought everyday, but they loved each other and got along great; that's what made them work. Rachel and I didn't have that._

Once the day got started things seemed to work out smoothly. Alice had us all making those stupid candy things and every now and then one of us would crack a joke or either whistle the 'Whistle while you Work' and 'Hi-Ho' tunes from _Snow White_, causing Alice or Jasper to throw a pillow at us.

We worked in the basement where there was more room. I swear, even with all of us working together to make these damn things, it seemed as if we were making enough to supply an army...and then some.

Once I was done sorting out all the candy into groups of three, placed them into the bags and tied them with a bow just the way Alice showed us, I made my way over to Bella's side of the room and started helping her finish her work load.

"Thanks," she smiled up at me. "How many people have they invited? I mean, everyone I know is in this room right now," she said with so much sincerity which made us both laugh.

"Yeah, well if this is what makes them happy, let em' be happy, right?" I asked as I looked over at Alice and Jasper laughing with each other and cheering when she successfully tossed an extra piece of candy in his mouth.

When I turned to look at Bella she was looking at me, "Right," she agreed and then she went back to working.

"Listen Edward, this has been really bothering me, so just let me say it and get it out in the open okay?" Bella asked, sounding nervous as she spoke.

"Yeah, okay," I didn't know what I was agreeing to but I did.

"I'm really sorry that I caused a rift between you and Rachel-"

I interrupted her, "No Bella that had nothing to do-"

"Let me finish okay?" she asked, putting down the candy bad she was currently working on and turned to look at me. I nodded, knowing that she had to get this off her chest either way.

"Coming between the two of you was the last thing I wanted, which is why I battled with myself on whether or not I should even go to your grad in the first place. Riley had told me not to bother; he said that you didn't come to mine so I shouldn't feel obligated to go to yours." Riley, I knew I never liked that guy.

"But that's just the thing Edward, I didn't feel obligated, I wanted to go. You were still my friend, someone that I thought I knew no matter what, I couldn't not go."

"You do know me no matter what Bella," I wanted to reassure her because Bella had always seemed to second guess herself.

"Yeah, well with the whole gift thing, maybe I was out of line, I don't know. But when I saw the book in a store in the city I knew you had to have it. I just thought, 'He's done school, he can continue with his sketching now,' I mean, you never gave yourself the benefit of the doubt because you're really good at it Edward," she grinned at me now.

"Bella, what happened between me and Rachel had very little to do with you actually. It wasn't your fault, you may have helped us from making a mistake maybe, but the whole thing wasn't your fault," I assured her, but Bella still looked skeptical.

"Are you sure?" she asked again, I just laughed at her and took her hands in mine, "Yes," I told her, and she just smiled at me and turned back to the candies sitting in her lap.

_2008_

_ After the ceremony, through all the scrambling around, I managed to meet up with my family and we headed outside and found a place on campus to take photos. I took one with everybody; I was even able to find Craig and Nicole afterwards. But there was one person who I didn't get to take a picture with, and deep down it was secretly killing me, because the one person I grew up with wasn't here on the day we talked about since we entered high school. _

_ My family said that they'd meet us at the restaurant that we'd all decided on, and I had to return my gown to the school, so when I handed my things to Rachel and she'd said she'd meet me at the car I walked back into the school I knew backwards and forewords. _

_ Memories flooded my mind as I made my way through my home of the last four years. My time with Bella in these halls passed by like a breeze, but those were the one's I remembered most. She made them memorable. _

_ One spot that Bella and I really treasured at the school was the south wing quad. Every day at lunch we would meet up there and joke just like we did in high school, and for that little bit of time it really felt like we were kids again, just the two of us. _

_ After I dropped off my gown, I knew that I had to make that particular quad was my last and final stop on campus. _

_ As I walked around the quad, I looked around and remembered the conversations that we had. Most of them were petty and completely meaningless, but they were us. Just as Craig and Nicole had joked around earlier, we had that too, here in this quad and at home in our meadow. _

_ When I decided that it was time to stop torturing myself and go back to 'perfect' I turned and made my way back to the front entrance of the school._

_ "Congratulations," I heard the angles sing, literally. I whipped my head around and there at the other end of the quad was my girl. Bella stood tall in a beautiful green dress with her hair pulled into a simple braid, grinning at me from ear to ear. _

_ We stood in silence for a minute or two, just taking each other in. "What're you doing here?" I asked once I found my voice. _

_ Bella stared at me, something crossed her features but it was gone before I could catch it, "It's your graduation Cullen; I wouldn't miss it for the world." _

_ "So we're on last name basis now Swan?" I joked, but secretly panicked as pain shot through me at the thought. _

_ Bella laughed, but there was resentment in her tone of voice as she replied "Well I guess seven months does that to you doesn't it." It seemed Bella had been hurting during that time too. _

_ "It goes both ways Bella," I whispered, hoping that she caught the double meaning. _

_ "Yeah well, you missed mine so I figured I should at least show up for yours, I mean, it's the least I could do." Bella was a far better person than I was that was for sure. _

_ "Bella, I wanted to be there, I just didn't know when it was."_

_ "I didn't know when yours was either, but the internet is a really handy source, especially your school's website where it lists upcoming events. Yeah, if you wanted to be there you would have come."_

_ She was still mad about Thanksgiving and the ring, and now on top of that she was mad because I didn't look into it enough to go to her graduation ceremonies at NYU. _

_ "Why are you here then Bella, just to torment me for not going to your grad? For not calling?" I was starting to get annoyed. She's the one that ran away before we could sort everything out; she's the one who left when we made some headway. I wanted her to stay, she didn't. That didn't give her the right to be pissed at me. _

_ "No Edward, I don't want to be mad at you. I wanted to...to be here for you, especially now. Today is monumental for you, and I just had to be here, despite of everything, childhood best friends come first don't you think?" Bella didn't sound mad, but remorseful. I hated how this woman could make me feel bad to worse in a matter of a sentence. _

_ "I'm sorry I wasn't there Bella." I answered honestly, I wanted nothing more than to be there for her, but we both knew that she should have graduated here, with me._

_ "Yeah well it doesn't matter now anyway. I'm here and you're a graduate." Bella smiled again and came closer to join me under the willows by the sidewalk where she nudged my shoulder with hers playfully, just like we did months ago._

_ "Were you really there for the whole thing?" I asked, wondering why I was only just seeing her now._

_ "Yeah, my flight pulled in this morning, and I picked up my rental and got ready in the car. I rushed over here as fast as I could and made it just in time to see you walk up on stage. I didn't bother looking for you afterwards, I figured that I'd run into you here anyways, and I didn't want to interrupt your whole family thing. I did get a chance to talk to Ferris and Nicole though," Bella snickered while she shifted uncomfortably on her feet and looked uneasily over her shoulder._

_ "Wait, you talked to Craig?" I asked, wondering why he hadn't said anything to me about it when we had our photo up. Bella just nodded, and then I processed something else that she had said: '_I didn't want to interrupt your whole family thing.'

"_Bella," I sighed, "You've always been apart of my family, you know that. And you could have at least taken a picture with me; I mean you did come all this way." because I secretly did want a picture with Bella to document today._

_ "Alright then, let's take one now," She smiled as she pulled out her phone and held it out in front of us. This wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but it was great just the same. _

_ Bella pulled the phone back to us so we could both look at the picture she just took in our meadow away from home. She really looked beautiful; time had done nothing to age her beauty._

_ "You look great Bells." I said as I looked down at her._

_ She turned her head and looked up at me, her lips were so close to mine now as we stood side by side. _

_ "Thank you, Edward." She whispered, as her eyes never left mine and her lips slightly parted. Until she looked down to take in my apparel, "Nice pinstriped jacket. Which brand?" she smirked. She was mocking me, my Bella was mocking me. _

_ I sighed as I looked down at my own suit, "You know, I don't even know." _

_ She laughed, "No, no I like it, it looks good. You look good too," she blushed as she took that time to step away from me, breaking out moment. "Well," she perked up, "You better get going, if I know Rachel and Alice, and I think I do, you have reservations at some fancy restaurant somewhere and she'd be pretty pissed if you missed it." _

_ "You should come; I know every one would love to see you. Besides, where else do you have to go to eat?" I wasn't sure about everyone else, but I sure as hell wanted her there. _

_ "Actually, I was really looking forward to hitting up that A&W I seen on the way over here," she retorted as she nodded her head, completely comfortable with who she was. I would give anything to eat my graduation dinner at A&W with her than at some French restaurant that I didn't even like. _

"_And no it's alright, I just came to say hello and give you your graduation present," she stepped forward towards me and pulled out a package from her handbag. I took it, trying to be sublet when I ran my fingers over hers in the process, craving for her touch; I felt the spark, and one look into her eyes told me she did too._

_ "Thank you Bella, but you didn't have to do that." I protested as I turned the gift around in my hands trying to figure out what it was. _

_ "Trust me, it's nothing really. But you should be on your way, you can't be late." She reminded me as she started to pass by me to get to the other end of the quad where I assumed her rental car was parked._

_ I yearned to reach out and touch her; I ached to feel her in my arms. But she was right; I had to return to my _perfect _day._

_ "Bella, Alice and Rache are throwing this party tonight at some beach, I don't even know where, but you should come to dinner and we can all go over there together." I was pulling at strings here and I knew it, Bella didn't owe me anything, I mean she went out of her way to find out when my grad was and I didn't even think to look up hers. _

_ "No I really should get going, besides, I bet the restaurant that your eating at probably wouldn't expect an extra guest," she said as she made her way to a blue Honda Civic. _

_I snorted, "A Honda huh."_

_ She turned back toward me and shrugged, "Well, it's no Silver Volvo, but it runs." _

_ "Is Riley waiting for you over there, is that why you're in such a hurry?" I practically growled, wondering why she wanted to get away from me so fast and knowing that he had to be the logical reason. _

_ Bella froze mid stride. "Actually, no. Riley stayed behind in New York, and I'm rushing because I told Charlie that I'd be home tonight, that's where I'm staying. I haven't seen him in a while; he didn't make my grad because of work, so I figured I'd take this weekend to catch up. And I want to make it back before dark, so I really must be on my way."_

_ "Oh." was my brilliant response. _

_ "Yeah well, enjoy your dinner and your party, and I'll see you around Edward." Bella smiled as she started for her car again, "Oh and enjoy your gift, and you better use it!" She called over her shoulder before she finally got into her car and drove toward home, leaving me standing on the sidewalk, alone. _

_ After I watched her car cruise out the drive, I opened the gift she had handed me and found sketch pencils and a leather bound book with sketch paper inside, and on the inside cover it read: _

My Main Man,

Your sketches are beautiful Edward, please take it up again and think of the meadow when you do.

Congratulations on succeeding at Seattle U.

Always,

Love Bella

_ I was in awe at her gift. It was perfect. Bella was the only one who would really know how much I missed sketching, in fact when we were kids, I used to claim that I would have the best sketches in North America, but I also said that I would one day be the president of the world, but meh, who kept track of that._

_ I made my way back to the car where Rachel looked worried as she ran up to me. _

_ "Edward where were you? Everyone else has already left, we're practically the last ones in the parking lot," she whined as she ran her hands up and down my sides, but stopped once she noticed the package that I was holding. _

_ "What's that Edward, where'd you get it?" She asked, suddenly very curious. _

_ "It's a graduation gift from a friend. They just dropped it off and we spent the last little while catching up. Sorry I kept you waiting," I smiled and kissed her head before I walked past her to get in the car._

_ Of course Alice chewed me out once I got to the restaurant on how we were now going to be late. But I didn't listen; I just clutched the book that was sitting in my lap, thinking over everything that Bella had said. _

_ Riley wasn't with her, she was in Washington for the weekend and would be in Forks visiting Charlie. I could see her again. Tomorrow, I was going to drive into Forks to see Bella, and everything would be good again. _

_ Rachel disrupted my thoughts when she began hitting her glass with her fork, preparing to give a toast. _

_ "I'd like to thank everyone for coming today for Edward's special day, I know we're all extremely proud of him and I know that he's going to go far in Chicago," she paused while my family clapped along with her and then continued, "Now, since he's going to be leaving and I have another year here without him, I bought Edward a graduation gift that I know we can both benefit from, congratulations baby," she grinned as she handed me a perfectly square envelope just like out perfect dinner._

_ I smiled and thanked her before I opened it. Inside were two tickets to Australia that left tomorrow evening at nine pm and returning tickets three days before I had to report to work in Chicago. _

_ I froze, I didn't really want to go to Australia, although I admit it would be a great trip, but all I really wanted to do was see Bella first thing tomorrow morning, now that wasn't going to happen. _

_ But I smiled at Rachel because I wasn't complaining and leaned over to kiss her on the cheek, "Thanks baby this is great, I bet you've already started packing, huh?" _

_ Rachel laughed, "Of course, and we leave tomorrow, it'll be great, just me and you before you leave. I'll be staying in Chicago with you for awhile, but before the end of summer, I thought we could take one last great trip before you are stuck at work all the time. Do you like it?"_

_ I smiled, playing the part, "Yes I love it. I've always wanted to see Australia." Which was true, but now was just the worst timing. _

_ Suddenly I was suffocating; I needed out of that French Farce. _

_ "Excuse me," I said as I got up, leaving my gift at the table, and made my way outside. I took short rapid breaths trying to calm myself. This was my life, she would be my wife, and we would eat at French restaurants and not an A&W on the corner. _

That evening, after we had made those damn candy bags, put together more decorations, made up a final tally of guests and created a seating plan, created a wedding itinerary, printed out seating cards, the girls had scheduled a dress fitting tomorrow and found time to go over how they were going to have their hair and makeup while we got supper prepared, and here we were sitting outside on the patio eating the quick burgers Emmett threw on the grill.

Rose and Bella brought out a salad from the kitchen and joined us outside. It was just the beginning of twilight and each of us seemed to be enjoying the end of the day.

"So, Alice what have you guys decided on with the music?" Rose asked, causing Alice to freeze and drop her fork.

"Oh no, oh no, no, no, no, no! Damnit, how could we have forgotten our music Jasper?" Alice screeched ash she hopped up from the table and ran inside, each of us just watching her go into her frenzy. She came back out with her clip board and a bunch of binders.

We just stared as she threw them on the table, which rattled all of our plates, and started frantically flipping through the pages.

"Alice," Jasper got up and placed a hand on her shoulder, "It'll be okay, didn't you book a DJ like, what, months ago?"

Alice stopped her searching and turned to look at him, seeming in deep thought. "No, I didn't. I was going to then I completely forgot about it because I booked a bunch of other things instead, and then I started looking at catering and florists and..." she was rambling.

"It's okay, just breathe," Rose cautioned as she got up and pulled out her cell phone.

"Did this seriously just happen, did Alice slip and forget to do something? It must come with age," Em chuckled as he took an obnoxiously large bite out of his burger.

All of us stopped to glare at him but it was Rose who smacked him upside the head. "Shut up you idiot now's clearly not the time," she scolded him.

She talked with Esme over the phone, and it appeared that she hadn't called anyone either, which only made Alice panic more.

Bella interjected, "Alice, relax okay, I mean it can't be that bad. How many bands in Forks will be busy this weekend in October? We can book them now and everything will be okay."

Alice nodded, but didn't say anything. So Bella continued, "I mean did you want a band, or a DJ?"

Jasper made soothing circles on her back and spoke up for her, "Well we once talked about just getting a DJ. It'd be not only cheaper, but we wouldn't have to worry about a bunch of mouths to feed on top of all that we already have. This way it'll be easier than calling the catering company and telling them that more have been added to the list."

Rose scoffed, "I don't think that'll be much of a problem, they'll probably have a lot of leftovers anyway, so that isn't too much of an issue."

"I think we should just hire a DJ," I offered, "I mean, think about it, a band might not know all the songs that we want played, this way we know they'll take care of everything and they won't take up as much room."

Everyone turned to look at me; almost as if they were surprised I even offered anything at all. "Okay, DJ it is then, but where are we going to find one, especially so last minute?" Alice finally spoke as she looked up at us.

"Alice, I think you've worried about a lot right now. Why don't you let us take care of everything and you and Jasper can go upstairs for a nap. You don't need to stress right now," Bella said as she got up and started cleaning up our dishes.

When Alice just stared at Bella, looking really unsure, Bella laughed, "Really Alice it'll be fine. I'll take care of it, trust me in New York I do planning all the time, and I'll even put together a list of songs to give them that we want played, okay?"

Alice nodded slowly, still seeming skeptical, but agreed anyway. "Now, is there any particular song that you guys wanted as your first dance?" she asked once she pulled out her phone and started scanning through the yellow pages via satellite.

"Can you guys pick one for us?" She asked, shocking all of us. When none of us said anything, Alice elaborated, "I mean, you guys know us best, I have been going over different songs in my head for a long time that we can't decide on one, but I think since you guys know us and know our relationship on the outside, you can come up with one that'll be perfect."

Bella was the first to speak, "Okay, great." But even she didn't sound so sure.

"Thanks Bella," Alice said as she wrapped her arms around her neck and hugged her, "I'm so exhausted with all this wedding stuff right now but otherwise I'd do it on my own, so I really appreciate it," she said, and she and Jasper made their way inside after Jasper thanked us too.

Twenty minutes later we moved into the front room, all four of us trying to get this whole thing settled. Rose and Emmett we looking online and in the phone book for local DJ's in the area, and Bella and I were sitting on the couch with a notebook in hand, trying to come up with as many songs as possible, so far we had none.

"Okay, well we found one DJ, but I don't know how you guys will feel about it..." Emmett said as he stretched back in his chair and scratched his head.

"Who?" Bella and I asked both at the same time. "Witter's New Wave," was all Em said as he looked up at us.

Bella and I sat frozen, "Witter as in Alec Witter?" I practically snarled; he might have been where this whole mix up with me and Bella started.

"Are you sure that he's the only one available for this weekend? Out of all the DJ's you can get a hold of?"

The two of them nodded, "Well, what does that say about how he operates," I mutter under my breath, but Bella hears me.

"Hey, don't judge yet. I mean, sure he's has his flaws but he can't be so bad. Give him a chance alright? I mean, who knows, he might even give us a deal since we knew him in high school."

Rose scoffed, "He would probably for a date with you," Bella ignored her.

"So are you guys going to call him or what? He is all we have, and right now we can take anything we can get."

Rose and Emmett got up and went into the kitchen to make their call, leaving the two of us alone to finish working on the music for the wedding.

"What about _I Hope you Dance _by Lee Ann Womack for the father-daughter dance? Do you think Alice would like it, I mean I know it sounds more like a mother to daughter, but it can work both ways right?" she asked after a few moments.

I shrugged, "I guess it could work, I mean I don't see why not."

Bella gave me this uneasy look, but continued to look up songs on her phone. "No, it's too much of a mother-daughter song, what about _In my Daughter's Eyes _by Martina McBride? That's more suiting, don't you think?"

Again I just smiled and nodded, for some reason I still couldn't stop thinking about Alec being the damn DJ and the fact that he'd be around Bella.

"Okay, that one it is. Now what about the wedding party song? It should definitely be something fun. What about _Hey Ya _by Outkast? Remember when that song was brand new and the six of us used to listen to it all the time? I think it'll be perfect."

But I just nodded again, which caused Bella to snap. "What's wrong? A few minutes ago you were okay, what got into you?"

I didn't know what to tell her, how would I explain that I love her and that I knew we were just becoming friends again, but I was worried that Alec would once again ruin that?

"Alec," was all I had to say and she seemed to understand.

"Ah," Bella grimaced and thought it over, "Well Edward, sometimes we have to deal with people we don't like. Life sucks that way, but if we're lucky we'll...find someone that we love to be with us there at the same time...making it all alright." She whispered the last part as she looked at me deeply.

I stared at her, glancing down at her bottom lip when she brought it nervously in between her two teeth.

I didn't know what to say, so instead I said, "_Johnny B. Goode_ by Chuck Berry should be the guy's song. It was one that we all used to sing; goofily I might add, in Jasper's car when we were kids. We thought we were so cool, like Marty McFly in _Back to the Future._"

Bella cracked up laughing and threw her head back against the couch. I could only laugh with her.

_2008_

_ Later that night Rachel and I headed back to our place to get ready before the party started. We had both been quiet since she had presented me my gift at dinner, and I think everyone had noticed. It was the same when we got home, we both made our way to the bedroom, neither of us saying a word to one another._

_ I had expected Rachel to tell me that she'd laid out something for me to wear, but she didn't say a thing, she just changed her clothes and continued to get herself ready. _

_ "Umm..." I stammered, "Is there, uh, anything that you want me to wear?"_

_ Rachel glared at me, "You can get yourself ready, Edward." It was true I could, but I had learned with Rachel that it was always best to check with her before I made a single move._

_ "Can I Rache, because for as long as I've known you, you have made it perfectly clear that I wasn't capable of even that," you had made _everything _perfect._

_ "Well I'm sorry Edward if all I've ever wanted what was best for you! But you know what, I'm not her!" She burst into tears now, and I crumpled but tried my best to keep a straight face; it didn't work._

_ "I never asked you to be!" I exploded, "I only wanted you to ever be yourself!"_

_Rachel was reeling, "I've been myself, but you still love her!"_

_When I didn't say anything, Rachel continued, "What? Did you think I was dumb and that'd I'd never figure it out? I've known Edward, I've known since the moment I met you, but I was stupid enough to believe that you'd get over her. You know when you proposed I thought that you finally were, that you were ready to move on, but you never will be, will you?" _

_ Rachel was still crying and she started pacing around the room, throwing together something, what I assumed, was for me to wear. _

_ "Edward, she's with somebody else now. What you think you may have had in high school, or almost had actually, will never happen, at least not while she's with someone else."_

_ I knew she was right, I'd known that since I'd seen her with Alec. She didn't have to tell me. "I know, alright! I know! I've known it far longer than you have, but I'm with you, because I love you too!"_

_ "Why'd you even propose, Edward? I mean, you don't love me, at least not enough that's clear for even your whole family to see," she sniffled as she started hastily putting on her makeup in the mirror while I just stood there in the middle of our room listening. _

_ Truth was I didn't even remember why I had proposed, it was just something that I thought I had to do, because it felt like it was time._

_ "Because it felt right; you feel right Rachel. I can see a life with you; picket fence the whole thing. It would be so easy," I was honest her; there was no point in denying her the truth now._

_ She turned to me from the mirror, she looked hurt beyond belief, "It would be easy, but neither of us would be happy. You'd love someone else, I'd know, and you'd eventually resent me for it, for keeping you when you didn't belong to me," she whispered in a tear strained voice._

_ "She was there today, wasn't she? That graduation gift, it's from her. I looked at it when you went outside today," Rachel wiped the now running mascara off her cheeks, "'Always, love Bella.'" she quoted Bella's message, "I didn't even know you still drew, you told me it was a hobby as a kid and that you weren't very good at it," she whimpered. I didn't correct that I still wanted to paint too; I thought that'd only make the cut deeper. _

_ "I don't draw anymore, it is just a hobby, and I'm not very good at it. It's just something that Bella has always tried to get me to do," I tried to explain, but Rachel only laughed half-heartedly. _

_ "That's just it Edward," she said, "She knows all this about you, she get's to encourage you in all these great things that you probably really are good at, you let her in enough to do it, you've never fully let me in." _

_ The both of us stood still wondering where to go from there. Her eyes bore into mine, locking into what felt like every emotion that I've ever had, testing to see if I'd break._

_ But when I went over my past emotions of love, there were some with Rachel, but my mind flashed to Bella, at thanksgiving in the meadow, and how the electricity between us made me feel alive; made me feel whole._

_ A painful noise escaped Rachel, breaking me from my memories. "Something happened when we were in Forks didn't it?" When I just sat there staring at her, I think that gave her enough confirmation. _

_ "Edward, what happened?" Rachel bravely asked in a shaky voice._

_ I recalled Bella's pick lips, swollen from crushing and clashing together with mine, how the light breeze had brushed her hair across her forehead; how beautiful she looked in the grass, and how heartbroken and scared she looked when she found the ring. I also remembered Bella's reaction right after our encounter, how she seemed to be able to dismiss it so easily. So, technically nothing had happened, nothing worth breaking my engagement with Rachel over. Bella wasn't mine, but Rachel was._

_ "Nothing happened, Rachel. I proposed to you, I love you, I'm marrying you." I tried to sound sincere, but even in my own ears I didn't sound too promising. _

_ "Are you?" was all she whispered when she turned back to the bathroom. It seemed that that was enough on that subject tonight._

_ "Tonight we're going to go to your party, see our friends and family; tomorrow we can go to Australia and just be together, just me and you?" It seemed as if she was asking more of a question, as if she was wondering if this was even a good idea in the first place, or if my mind would even be there with her._

_I smiled faintly and nodded, which seemed to be enough for her because she returned my smile._

"_You're going to Chicago in a couple of weeks so as soon as we get back we'll have to start packing your things, and I'll still be in school, now's the only real chance we'll have together till next summer when we start making wedding plans." Rachel didn't look at me, not once. She went back into the bathroom and continued to get ready as she started curling her hair. _

"_Yeah, sounds like a plan," another plan, I thought to myself as I studied Rachel wondering what she'd do next, but she just continued to get ready, seemingly ignoring me and forgetting our fight just a few moments ago._

_ "You can wear the clothes I placed out on the bed tonight." And with that, she closed the door behind her and left me standing in the middle of the bedroom, staring down at my pressed out clothes; my future._

_ I felt horrible, the whole time Rachel was talking about still going to Australia and coming back to pack up, all I kept thinking about was Bella, and how'd she'd be in Forks all weekend, and I'd be leaving, putting us impossibly more miles apart just when we were getting closer again. _

Bella and I had eventually decided on _You're Still the One _by Shania Twain for their first dance song. The lyrics were extremely fitting, and we thought that Alice would love it. Alec had agreed to be the DJ and he did, just like Bella predicted, gave us a deal which in the end turned out to be great for Jasper and Alice financially.

The following Sunday the girls went to the dress shop and had everything fitted. When they came home that night Bella grinned and bounced up to me where I was standing at the foot of the stairs.

"I can't wait for Jasper to see Alice's dress, he's going to lose it," she beamed and laughed and bent down to whisper in her ear, "I'm looking forward to see you in yours more."

Bella blushed and looked to the floor before she smirked, "Well you're going to have to wait, just like the other's have had to." Suddenly I had a feeling she was referring to the big white dress.

I grinned and placed my hands on her sides, "Well, considering how long I've waited already, I don't see that as being too much of a problem."

Bella smiled, "Yeah, I guess you have haven't you? Umm, well I have to go upstairs and grab my things. I figured Carlisle and Esme would like to come home and spend it in peace, so I'll be spending the rest of the week at my dad's, I haven't really seen him that much since I've been home."

I felt my face fall at that fact. Bella had spent the past two nights sleeping in my arms; I hadn't even realized that she had yet to go home to her dad's. I was already getting used to the idea of having her there when I woke up. It felt great, to have Bella sleeping beside me, her body letting me engulf her during the night. I didn't know about her, but I was going to miss that warmth and comfort.

"You know, Carlisle and Esme wouldn't mind if you did stay," I tried to reason with her, but she just shook her head. "No, I have to see Charlie anyways, it's been awhile."

"Right okay well, I'll help you get your thing's out to the car," I didn't want her to go, but she did want to see her father, so the least I could do was help her with her bags.

"So," she hedged once we were in my room and she started collecting her things, Bella always did make herself comfortable in my room, even now after so much had happened with us, it was like a routine. She picked up her clothes that were strewn around the bathroom floor, and her different toiletries that she had all around my bathroom sink counter.

"What's your life like in Chicago, Edward? We haven't really talked about that too much." I didn't really want to talk about my self; I really wanted to hear about her. But she seemed to want to hear it so I humoured her.

"Nothing extravagant really, I mean, I have this condo in the city. I get up, go to work, come home, eat, then sleep and do it all over again. What about you, I mean New York must be crazy."

After she zipped up her bag she took a seat on my computer desk, "Not really, I mean it hasn't changed me, I'm still the girl from Forks who used to play around in a meadow."

But she wasn't, she was so much more, and that was because she had changed.

"But you're not with anyone in Chicago, are you? I mean, I hear that you're quite the stud over in the Windy City," if I didn't know any better, Bella seemed almost, jealous?

I smirked, "Yeah well, I've been known to go on a few pleasant dates here and there," I lied. I had never really been with anyone since Rachel. Sure a few female coworkers have hinted that they were interested, but I dismissed their advances.

"Yeah, Ferris said that," she mumbled, which made me want to laugh. I hadn't talked to Craig in so long, he didn't even know what my life was like in Chicago, but I guess he had lived up to his deal, he'd be my 'wing-man till I got the girl,' I smiled to myself.

"Yeah, the last I heard him and Nicole are expecting their first baby and according to his latest email, they were really happy in South Dakota."

"Lucky them, huh. I mean they met in high school and knew that they would be together forever. How many people have that?" Bella sniffled while she shuffled around her feet. Little did she know that I knew that about her back in high school too, maybe even sooner.

"Do you want to see something?" I asked her as I moved toward my own suitcase by my dresser. Bella watched me curiously, following my every movement.

I pulled out a sketch book, not the one she had bought me, but a new one that I had had to buy. After she had bought me that one sketch book, I got started as soon as Rachel and I had landed in Australia. That one filled up pretty quickly, and soon I was buying a new sketch book every month.

I handed the book to her, and she still looked confused. "I picked up the habit again," I explained, "You gave me back my artist's itch."

Bella grinned up at me and opened the book, quickly looking over all the work that I had currently finished, of course some of them still had shading that I had to finish, but all and all they were pretty much done. They were sketches of parks in Chicago, animals that I had seen at various places in the city, people I had met on the train that I travelled on for work once and a bunch of random stuff like that, there was even a few random one's that I drew of Bella from memory.

"Edward, these are amazing," Bella said in awe, "See I knew you still had talent somewhere built up inside you," she teased as she smirked up at me.

"I know it's not the same book that you gave me, that one is back in Chicago on my self with all my others, but I still have this one," I pulled one off the bookshelf by my desk and handed that to her too as I took a seat beside her on the bed. This was the book I kept in high school.

In this sketch book, I had drew pictures if Bella in the meadow, Bella in my room, Bella in hers, and my family. Even then I loved her, and as I looked back over it now, I was foolish for not noticing it sooner.

"Wow, these bring back a lot of memories don't they?" she laughed as she flipped through them. "Oh god look at this one, what was I doing here?" I looked at the picture, and in that particular one, Bella was walking up and down the beach side studying the ground.

I smiled, that was one of my favourite ones, "I actually really like that one, and you were at the beach searching for the perfect shell to send to your mother."

"You remember that?" Bella asked, no longer looking at the book, but staring intensely at me. I nodded my head once and looked right back at her.

The static between us was strong because it held us both still for what felt like forever, I wanted to stay there all day. I didn't know what this woman did to me, but she did it.

"Edward this is what I wanted," she gestured to the book in her lap, "I wanted you to find yourself again."

"Have you?" I openly wondered, Bella looked down and hooked her fingers in mine, "Not yet, but I'm getting there."

_2008_

_On our way to the party neither of us continued to say anything. But when we got out of the car after we arrived, Alice came running to my side._

_ "How could you not have told me Bella was here today?" she whispered as she smacked my arm, painfully I might add. _

_ "Ouch, Alice, now is definitely not the time," I glared at her as I shoved my way on by, leaving her standing at the drivers side of my car. _

_ Craig and Nicole were standing by the beach talking to a couple of our fellow students that I didn't even know._

_ "Hey, Edward Congratulations," the tall brunette greeted me once I got there. I just smiled lightly as I gave her a nod. Shortly after that awkward greeting, her and her friend said their goodbyes and continued mingling along the beach. _

_ Not one second after they left I turned to Craig and snarled, "Why the hell didn't you tell me Bella was here today?"_

_ "Oh jeez," Nicole sighed as she shook her head and left the two of us standing there. "Oh so she runs off once I find out," I scoffed as I yelled out to her._

_ When I turned back to look at Craig, he had an apologetic look on his face. "Look, Edward I'm sorry, but we were friends with Bella too when she was here. When we seen her, she congratulated us and we went our separate ways, that was it."_

_ "You couldn't at least tell me?" I wasn't as mad as I was earlier, but it was still pissing me off that they knew she was here when I didn't, I could only imagine how Alice felt. _

_ "See, this is why you're Paul!" Craig exclaimed, "You've never told her how you felt, so each and every time she returns you're left feeling like shit. Edward, Rachel's great, but you don't love her. The moment I saw you and Bella in the same room with each other I knew you both loved each other."_

_ I looked around for Rachel, seeing if she'd heard any of that. She didn't, but I did catch the eyes of Alice, who was looking at me sadly; I didn't want their pity though. I didn't need it, I had enough of it for myself._

_ "She loves you too, Edward," Craig tried to say, but I didn't want to hear any of it. _

_ "No Craig she doesn't," I snapped, I had finally snapped, and there wasn't even any alcohol in me yet."If Bella Swan loved me, she never would have chosen Alec over me, she never would have gone on that trip, she never would have moved to New York. Bella has had years to show me that she loved me and she never did." _

_ Honestly I was pissed at both Bella and myself. She had never accepted that what we had could have been real, she had never once told me upfront how she felt. But, had there ever been a time? _

_ I was with Tanya, she was with Alec and then she left, she met Riley, then I was with Rachel; no matter what or where we were in our lives, we were never really alone. There was always someone or something in our way. But no matter what, we've always seemed to come back to each other._

_ I could go on and be happy with Rachel, but when one thought of Bella popped into my head I fell for her all over again. And _that _is what I resented her for. She made me love her, every single time. _

_ "Fuck!" I yelled as I threw my hands to my head. "Everything is just so fucked up." I took a couple of deep breathes and sighed, "I need a drink, badly." And I marched away from Craig, just wanting to let all this emotion out and leave it all behind here in Washington; tomorrow I was in Australia._

The rest of the week went by fairly quickly. Bella had stayed at her father's home just like she'd planned, but we spent all hours of the day together, just laughing and talking about old times.

We spent Tuesday in the meadow, where I drew and Bella talked about her life in New York. She wrote and opinionated piece for her magazine, not that I already didn't know that, and she genuinely loved her job.

On her days off, Bella would go to this coffee shop around the corner from her place, or well I guess old place now, and write. They had an apartment in Manhattan and Bella would write at this coffee shop where she had to order a "Large Espresso Latté" before she could begin. And according to her, her favourite place in the city was the bridge in Central Park.

"You have to come to New York sometime Edward; I know you would love it. And we could go to the Met!" Bella had said, she had become so excited by this idea. In return I replied, "Only if you come to Chicago sometime," Bella grinned and hugged me telling me that it was a deal.

On Wednesday I had dinner with her and Charlie, which reminded me a lot when we were kids and I would wonder when he would be asleep so I could come back that night and sneak into her room. Which I did that night, I had gone three nights without Bella in my arms, and I couldn't go any longer.

So, both Wednesday and Thursday night I snuck up into Bella's bedroom window just like we did in high school, and held her while she slept and every night she'd snuggle closer to me. I knew what I wanted in my life after these past few days, years really, and it all started with the woman in my arms.

_2008_

_ "Edward, this isn't turning out." Rachel was on the brink of tears when we had got back to our apartment form the airport. I wasn't an idiot to see that see didn't have a good time, most of the time we were there we were fighting, or I was drawing in my sketch book, which I never once showed her, I felt it was too personal. _

_ "We tried, I mean in Australia, but I can't keep..." she trailed off, trying to control her breathing. I hated that I was making her feel this way; I really did care for her. _

_ "Rachel, maybe this summer, after we see each other again before your semester starts," I tried to offer her, but the two of us both knew we were just prolonging the inevitable. _

_ "No Edward, we both know we have driven this into the ground far enough. I just, I don't miss that feeling where I'm actually happy to see you anymore, I think even at your grad I knew I didn't have that feeling."_

_ Tears fell from her eyes, but I felt a strange relief from this. "Rache, I'm so sorry, I..." I didn't know what to say anymore. _

_ "Shh..." she quieted me by placing two fingers on my lips, "I can't do this to myself anymore." _

_ It wasn't my happiness that she said concerned her before, she was admitting that she was leaving for her, which suddenly made me happy for her._

_ She took off my grandmother's ring and placed it on the kitchen counter. "I'll be at my sisters' for the next couple of days, that'll give you time to have all your stuff shipped to Chicago." _

_ She got up from her stool and grabbed her already packed bags, "I'm tired Edward. Tired of all the yelling and fighting, which we both know is just a glimpse into our future together if we stay in this relationship and go on with the wedding."_

_ She was right, I just felt terrible on how much I had failed her. She laughed lightly, "I mean let's face it, we haven't even set a date yet, I think we both new this wasn't going to progress anymore than it already has." Rachel said through her tears as she turned and high tailed if for the door._

_ "Rachel," I called after her, my own throat all groggy, "I'm...I'm sorry." Was all I said because there was nothing else I could say._

_ "Yeah, me too." _

_ Three days later, after I explained to my family the cancelled engagement, I moved to Chicago and into the apartment that the new job had supplied me with, and started my life off fresh with the memories of the last few years behind me. _

"Edward," Bella screeched as I chased her and tackled her onto the couch in the living room. "Are you going to take it back?" I asked her, daring her to be brave.

Bella deviously smiled, "Why would I do that, I mean its true; you are a fool for loving Superman over Batman."

We had once again gotten into the whole comics debate, and as always Bella was on team Bruce.

"C'mon Bells, how can you like a guy who isn't naturally super, he just has martial arts training. And he hasn't even had a real steady girlfriend!" I scoffed, but Bella just laughed and squirmed underneath me.

"Oh c'mon Cullen, the likelihood of a person coming to earth with super powers is just like the likelihood of Star Wars. It isn't ever going to happen." Now she was attacking Star Wars too, that was it.

I started attacking Bella's neck, and that just made her laugh even more. I was instantly reminded of the last time I had done something like this and what it had resulted in. Suddenly I was happy that Alice had their spa appointments today because then I wouldn't do something that I'd more than likely regret later.

"What do you have against Star Wars?" I asked, daring her again to continue.

"Think about it Cullen, Batman and Star Trek are more likely to happen any day than Superman and Batman." Her rebuttal was always the same, and in the end we always came to the same conclusion: watch Star Trek and then watch Star Wars, and then we'd compare it all over again. It drove Alice crazy.

"Bella are you ready yet?" Speak of the pixie.

Bella looked up at me and pulled at her hair with a groan, "Yeah, I'm coming."

She sighed, "Uh, I'd rather stay here with you and watch movies all day," I grinned at her comment, "Well I guess I'll see you later toni...Oh no, wait I won't. All us girls are staying over at Rose's parents tonight, you guys get the house to yourselves, so try not to have too much fun will 'ya?"

Bella's playful grin made me play along, "Yeah, back at cha. So I guess I'll see you tomorrow morning than at the church?" I asked, hoping that we would see each other sooner.

"Yes, that's where we're meeting. God, tomorrow's going to be a busy day," she sighed as I helped her put on her coat once we reached the foyer. Once she had he coat on, she turned and faced me and I could see that she was having an internal battle with herself.

She must have one because she smiled, placed both her hand on my arms and stretched up on her toes to kiss me lightly on the lips before she gave me one last look and turned to meet the rest of my family in the car.

I couldn't wipe that shit eating grin off my face for the rest of the day.

* * *

**Okay, so the title of this chapter is based on _Perfect_ by Hedley, and the song can go hand in hand about what Edward is trying to say to both Bella, Rachel and himself, so it works all around. I hope I can have this finished soon since it is officially summer, but as usaul, it's hard to trust a fanfiction author ;)**

**There are images on my profile of their outfits, what the characters kinda look like to me in my mind, and music that inspired each of my chapters, so check it out. **

**Again thank you for reading, please review, and enjoy Eclipse because I know I will ;) **

**~JustAGirl93  
**


	6. If it Kills Me

**I AM NOT THE OFFICIAL OWNER OF THE TWILIGHT SAGA**

**Finally, I know! I'm sorry real life kicked me in the ass this summer, but here we are! The last chapter to All My Days. I had always envisioned this to be more of a novella than anything, and here it is, finally completed. There will be a short epilogue (much shorter than all the chapters, that much I can say) to follow, so stay tuned for that. I'll let you get reading now, but as always one more time for All My Days...**

**I'll see you on the flip side :)  
**

**_

* * *

Chapter 6: If It Kills Me_**

"Party," Emmett chanted after the girls had left. None of us were too excited about what Emmett had planned, but it was Jasper's bachelor party so we went along with it.

"Okay, stripper will be here at midnight!" Emmett's obnoxious voice shouted throughout the house that evening. We'd already played pool and darts in the basement, drank till I was positive I wouldn't wake up the next day, played multiple rounds of poker till Emmett got mad when he finally lost all of his poker funds, and we even went to the downtown bar for drinks – where I am pretty sure we mad idiots of ourselves trying to sing karaoke - and drove around town blaring Emmett's speakers to the max.

Jasper groaned at Emmett's outburst and slurred, "Em, not that I'm opposing this thing, but Alice did say no strippers, and on top of that I'm getting married tomorrow and I kinda want to be there."

"Kinda?" I asked with an arch of my eyebrow, teasing Jasper about his slip up.

"You know what I mean, besides out of all of us you're the one that would feel most guilty about 'cheating' on Bella and your non-relationship," he smirked as he hit my shoulder lazily and stumbled.

I scowled, "Hey, what about Carlisle, he's been married for years!" I exclaimed as I pointed at my father who was silently laughing in the corner.

He raised his hands up and backed down, "Hey, leave me out of this son."

Emmett laughed, "Look at all of you, you're freaking out! Jasper's not even married yet and he's already so whipped he can't even celebrate his last night as a bachelor, and Edward's worried about upsetting a girl that hasn't really noticed him! But what's funnier is that I didn't even hire a stripper in fear of Alice coming here and taking my head off,so you're all freaking out over nothing!"

The three of us scowled at Emmett but in the end we let him have his fucking laughing fit and poured ourselves another round of shots.

We ended up sitting around the movie room watching the recap of the game on Sports Net, till the power cut out due to the blazing storm outside. By then each of us were far from only feeling 'pretty good' and Jasper was on the verge of passing out, but not before he rambled on and on about how much he loved Alice.

When the power went out, Carlisle went upstairs and grabbed flashlights while the rest of us stayed downstairs laughing and hollering at the TV in protest, the game was just going into overtime.

The power finally kicked back in after a good half hour later; to be honest I didn't even notice the storm outside till the lightening flashed throughout the darkened house once the power had cut out.

When the power kicked back on, the OnDemand function for the satellite started up. We tried to change the channel, but due to the power outage we were unable to fix the entire thing, especially in our state.

And, just our luck, Alice's programmed favourites were set, and we were stuck watching _Beauty and the Beast,_ Jasper laughed and told us that we were lucky that it wasn't _Sex and the City_ or _Grey's Anatomy. _

So there we were, four drunken men, sitting around a TV watching _Disney's_ _Beauty and the Beast. _

"You guys know who Belle reminds me of?" Emmett asked after about forty minutes into the movie. "Who?"

"She reminds me of our Bella. I mean think about it, she loves books, she's beautiful, and she's unbelievably kind and open minded to everyone around her even though she doesn't want to be half the time, and then there's the obvious, Belle to Bella. I mean c'mon, think about it. "

We were all silent, I don't know what they were thinking, but I was frozen in thought because Emmett voiced my own thoughts.

"Oh, and Edward's in love with her." Emmett added a moment later. They all laughed, but I didn't.

After they calmed down their laughter, I asked, "How on earth am I like the Beast, Emmett?"

He chuckled, "I didn't say you were like the Beast, I just stated the truth, which is what we've all known for years."

"What do you mean years? It hasn't been that long," I lied through my teeth, trying to distract Emmett and his thoughts, hoping his drunkenness would tamper with his math skills.

Jasper laughed, "Since high school, man," but I sure as hell didn't need the reminder.

"You don't know that, I didn't even know then."

"Oh really? So you haven't been counting down the minutes, no seconds, till when she'd break up with Riley?"

I shrugged, not bothering to fuel their fire, but my silence did just that. "Ha! I told you," Jasper pointed at me with a proud smirk in place.

"Seriously though Ed, why haven't you told her how you felt? Or better yet, why have you let her jerk you around your entire life?" Emmett turned down the volume on the movie to ask.

"I don't know it's not like I didn't have a life outside of Bella. I went out in collage; I dated briefly before I met Rachel. I tried, but Bella was always there no matter what!" I exclaimed as I threw back the last drink in my bottle. "And I don't let her jerk me around." I added for emphasis.

"Ah, you do dear brother of mine, you do. She's been jerking you around by your balls since high school."

Jasper decided to ignore Emmett and jumped in, "See there's your problem: she has no idea how you feel!"

I narrowed my eyes at my now empty bottle and pointed it at him while I spoke, "Oh she knows how I feel."

"Does she?" Jasper finally asked, but it's not like I hadn't asked myself that exact same question before. I had wondered for years if Bella was in fact aware of how I felt, and if she did, would she have dated Riley in the first place? If I had told her that I loved her back in Seattle before she got serious with Riley, where would we be now?

My brain hurt too much to think about all that. I rolled my eyes and ignored their laughing, but I couldn't focus on anything else after that.

The movie ended and _The Little Mermaid _came on after that, to which Emmett yelled waking up a passed out Jasper up, "That's it, an hour and a half of Belle is one thing but if I have to watch another movie, and this one's about mermaid's, I'm going to shoot myself, and I'll make sure the blood splatter's all over Alice's wedding dress!"

"Hey!" Jasper jumped up from his sleep, "Don't curse my-" _hiccup _"-bride."

"Okay," Carlisle sighed, "Time to get the groom to bed," and he helped Jasper up to his feet and led him up the stairs to Alice's room.

"Goodnight and we'll see you both in the morning. Don't sleep in! Alice would have a field day," he called out to us, but he said the last part under his breath.

Emmett and I chuckled, "Yeah I guess we should be off too. See you in the morning little brother," Emmett said as he ruffled the hair on the top of my head. I just nodded and finished the last of my drink.

I made my way up the stairs to my own room, wondering what Bella was doing right at that moment. By the time I was ready for bed and lying down in my room, my phone buzzed.

_How'd Jasper hold up? Better than Alice? – B_

I chuckled, suddenly wondering what the girls did that would have Alice in worse shape than Jasper.

_That depends. – E_

_Well we did have a male dancer show up at Rose's tonight – B_

I froze; the girls had a male dance. Then I burst out laughing, they had a male dancer while Emmett was here worried about facing the pain that was little Alice just for having a stripper.

_You had dancers and we couldn't have one stripper? – E_

_Yeah, life is cruel like that sometimes, isn't it? – B_

I smirked thinking about just how right she was.

_You have no idea – E_

_So, what did you guys do tonight? – B_

_Oh you know the usual bachelor party things, watched _Beauty and the Beast _– E_

_LOL, what? – B_

I grinned, hearing her laugh crystal clear in my head.

_Long Story – E_

_So technically I'm breaking all the rules right now – B_

_Don't you always? ;) But which rule tonight? – E_

_What are you talking about, I'm an angel :) But it's the 'Not allowed to communicate with the guys tonight' rule – B_

I smiled, glad at the fact that she wasn't afraid to talk to me behind their backs.

_That doesn't sound like a very good rule – E_

_My thoughts exactly– B_

_What are you doing B? – E_

I had to know.

_About to go to bed, you? – B_

_Same. So we should sleep so we don't face the wrath of Alice – E_

_I'm not scared of Alice, besides, she won't notice us tomorrow – B_

_True, but if Alice doesn't kill us, our hangovers will – E _

_Ha! Speak for yourself – B_

I smirked at the phone, from what I could remember, Bella didn't handle her hangovers well. In collage her hangover days consisted of me holding her while she moaned in pain. Those days were our good times, not the fact that the both of us were sick, just the fact that we were together without anyone else to interrupt our time together.

_But I guess you are right, we have to go to bed. I have to get up at 7:30 and be showered for 8:00. Alice's orders. – B_

_Ah, and so the pain begins. Sweet dreams, B – E_

_Goodnight, E. – B_

That night I tossed and turned till I was sure that the blue lit sky outside my window was the sun beginning to peak through the murderous clouds of Forks.

&/

_November 2005, Seattle U_

_ "What do you want to do tonight?" _

_ Bella and I were hanging out in my dorm room, waiting for our friends Craig and Nicole to show up. I was sitting at my desk and Bella was lying across my bed, throwing a ball that I had on the bedside table up and down in the air._

_ Bella looked so good lying there in my room. It was so easy and carefree for us to just hang out together like this, and I couldn't help my shit eating grin at the sight of her lying on my bed._

_ "I don't know Bella, what'd you want to do?" I turned my attention from my book and turned to look at her. _

_ It was a Friday and we were supposed to go out, we were both tired of staying in and of all the studying; we needed a break. _

_ "Let's go out Edward to the club on Union Street, please Edward please..." _

_ I rolled my eyes, "You know how much I hate that place, it always feels so, I don't know, overdone?"_

_ Bella huffed and jumped up to sit cross legged on my bed, "Well I'm tired of all these local collage bars. Sure their great and all, but they always have the exact same people. Let's try something new, plus I'm sure Ferris and Nicole wouldn't mind it either. Besides, _The Door_ has some good music too."_

_ "But I thought you were in the mood for some fast club dancing?"_

_ Bella groaned and exclaimed, "I don't care anymore I just want to get out and do something!"_

_ When Craig and Nicole showed up, they brought pizza with them, and while we ate we all decided where we wanted to go. In the end we had decided on the Trinity Nightclub on Yesler Way, even though I still thought it was far fetched for us collage kids, but we all had more than enough money for the night._

_ The girls left to get ready at Bella's, while Craig and I started drinking a few rounds at my place. Of course he asked questions about me and Bella, but I didn't lead on anything. We were just friends in collage going out to a night club on a Friday night._

_ When we picked up the girls, and Bella was wearing this unbelievably tight top and a skirt that I was sure would attract all males in a 10 mile radius, I had to battle with myself to not demand that she go up stairs to change. But when we got to the club, I was more than happy to stay by her side all night, making sure that no one looked at her, and secretly claiming her as mine. _

_ After the night was done, Craig and Nicole caught a cab back to their apartment and I took Bella home. _

_ Bella was staggering all around the sidewalk and I knew that she'd feel the after effects tomorrow. _

_ "Edvad," she slurred as she tripped, successfully breaking the heel of her shoe. _

_ "Fuck, what happened?" she asked as she tried to bend over to inspect the damage. I sighed, "Here Bella, just wait." I bent over and took her shoes off for her, thinking that she'd walk better barefoot anyways._

_ When I brought her shoe up to her, she merely snickered. "That serves Alice right for making me wear the stupid thing." _

_ "What?" I was confused; Bella had to have dressed herself tonight because Alice wasn't even here to do anything. _

_ "Alice called me and I asked her for some advice to..." she cut herself off before her drunken word vomit would erupt. _

_ "Advice for..." I tried to help her along, but Bella just shrugged. "Just you know, getting ready. Alice did most of it in High School, I'm still getting the hang of things here." _

_ But I didn't buy it; Bella was going to say something else before that, because the both of us knew that Bella could dress herself perfectly fine without Alice's assistance. _

_ I was finally able to hail a cab, and was able to drag Bella into the back, the song '_The Way you Look Tonight' _by Frank Sinatra was playing on the radio. It had to have been the most awkward ride I had ever had, but at the same time it seemed to say everything that I had wanted to say to Bella the moment she walked into the room. _

_By the time we got to Bella's apartment, she was dead on her feet. I carried her up to her room, pulled her sheets down and laid her in her bed. _

_ Bella stirred and looked up at me through her squinting eyes. I leaned in close and kissed her on her forehead, probably holding it longer than I should have. When I got up and walked to the door to leave, leaving a waste basket by her bed, I heard her small voice before I could close the door behind me._

_ "I'm sorry," she whispered, and I turned instantly at the sound of her voice. "Sorry for what, Bella?" _

_ She cleared her throat, but I could see her drifting. "I'm sorry for last year...when I left...and when I came back...to Seattle...I shouldn't have...I'm sorry, don't go," and she was asleep, breathing lightly. _

_ My heart broke. She was sorry because she kissed me when we were in Seattle last year. Part of me wanted to wake her up to ask what she meant, but deep down I knew that I already knew why she was sorry. _

_ But she had asked me not to go, what did she mean by that?_

_ Before I could process that, I was lying down beside Bella, sleeping due to the lulling sound of her breathing. I told myself I stayed because she asked me to._

_ The next morning I woke up to find Bella sleeping in the nook of my arm. Her eyebrows were creased and looked as if she were in pain, I figured it was the days worth of the massive headache that she was about to have setting in. _

_ She had always looked so peaceful in her sleep, even now with her creased eyebrows. _

_ She moaned and turned her head deeper into the pillow and my arm. "No, I don't want to wake up," she whined as she pulled on my shirt and pulled my body closer to hers, trying to hide from the world._

_ I pulled her back closer to me and chuckled, "It's about ten thirty; I think your okay to sleep in a couple more hours."_

_ I saw a smile pulling at the corners of her lips, "Okay, just don't leave though okay?" she asked, and I saw her going further and further into the confusing maze in her mind. _

_ Her words reminded me of the night before and how she had apologized for kissing me. She had obviously regretted it, but I didn't understand why. The only conclusion I could come to was because she didn't love me like I loved her. She had to be sorry for kissing me in fear of leading me on. _

_ Well, too late. I was hooked into Bella Swan good, and something told me that I wasn't letting go anytime soon, there was no need to be sorry._

_ But she was once again fast asleep before I could tell her that. _

_&/_

I couldn't stop thinking about Bella and what the guys said earlier that night. Bella did have me hooked on her for what seemed like our entire lives. All I've ever thought about was her, and yet she left so easily. Why was I the only one to ever analyse this? Wasn't that usually the girl's job in this situation?

Then I was pissed at Bella for making me hold out for her all these years. It was because of her, a girl who had never thought twice about me, that ruined my relationship with Rachel. I could have had a life with Rachel, a white picket fence, the whole nine yards. Why did Bella Swan have to hold me back?

I was pissed off. After all these years I was finally really pissed off. More than anything, I wanted to ask her what she felt for me, and why she didn't immediately say yes to Riley's proposal. Where did Bella stand, and why had she left me out of it for so long?

I went to bed resentful that night, or morning, and when I woke up I still felt the same way.

My head was pounding with each step I took down the stairs the next morning. I found my dad and Jasper in the kitchen making breakfast and Emmett sitting at the table with his head in his hands, groaning in pain.

I sat beside him and did the same thing. I was desperately hungry but wasn't sure I'd be able to keep my food down.

"We have to be at the church by ten and the ceremony starts at eleven," Carlisle informed us as he placed a couple of plates in front of me and Emmett, the omelettes that he had made smelled great, but at the same time it made my stomach churn. I heard Emmett groan to my right so I knew that he probably felt the same way I did.

When I looked up and saw my dad and Jasper walking around the kitchen like they hadn't gotten totally shitfaced last night, I envied them for it and for their happy relationships too, but that part I kept to myself.

"How can you two not be in as much pain as we are right now?" I annoyingly asked as I tried to take a bite of the food in front of me.

Jasper just shrugged, "It's my wedding, I have to be up and awake. Have you met your sister?"

Carlisle smiled, "I've been to enough weddings in the past to know not to drink as much as you two did last night. You'll remember next time Edward – especially since it'll be your own wedding."

Emmett picked up his head and chuckled, "You're kidding right? On Edward's wedding day, I think that Bella will have to try harder than he will so that she doesn't puke all over him, I mean, we all remember college right?"

I pushed myself up off the table and stomped upstairs for the shower. I couldn't hear anymore talk about me and Bella getting together when it was clear by now that it was never going to happen.

After my shower I had felt a little bit better, but still wished I had gotten more than three hours of sleep the night before.

While the four of us guys were supposed to be getting ready in the back room of the church, Jasper was pacing back and forth – which was odd because Jasper always was the calm one – and Emmett was shooting back shot after shot in the back parking lot by the rented car.

None of us had heard from the girls, and the ceremony was supposed to start in a matter of minutes – fifteen minutes to be exact.

"Why aren't they here yet, shouldn't Esme have called us by now?" Jasper paused long enough from pacing to ask.

Emmett looked up from the fridge in the limo. See, his theory was that if you wake up with a hangover and want to beat it the best you can do is drink some more, only harder stuff than you drank the night before. I've never tried it, but in my own personal theory, that only leads to a more painful headache in the weeks to follow.

"Jazz Man, relax. Esme said she'd call so she'll call. I bet the hair salon just went on longer than they thought it would."

Only ten minutes later does my phone go off with a message from Bella.

_Just arrived with the Bride – B_

I looked up and smiled at Jasper reassuringly, "They're here."

Jasper, Emmett, and I took our places up at the front of the alter, while Carlisle went back to meet up with Alice and Esme took their seats in front row. By the time the wedding march started, Jasper was back to his calm self and seemed more confident than ever.

Rosalie came through the giant oak doors first, floating down the aisle in her satin purple dress with lilies situated in her angelic hands. Emmett didn't seem to notice anything else but his Rose; they winked at each other before she went and stood in her designated position.

The music became louder and changed tempo just before Bella entered the room. Just then the whole room stopped for me, and my eyes remained on her. She looked so beautiful; her hair was pulled onto one side, her purple dress was different from Rose's, it shined more and showed off more of her curves.

When I closed my eyes for a brief second and listened to the music, I could picture Bella walking down the aisle looking directly at me; only she would be wearing the big white dress. But I mentally reminded myself that that wasn't going to happen – not at this rate.

Bella spotted me looking and smirked with a blush before she turned away and took her spot beside Rose.

The music changed to the infamous _'Here Comes the Bride' _and my sister entered the church. My sister was the most beautiful bride I'd ever seen, and I grinned at her with an encouraging thumps up which caused her to roll her eyes at me and shake her head.

After the couple said their 'I dos' and after all the picture taking, we had finally made it to the grand hall that Alice had rented, where all the guests were sitting in their seats, waiting for the new Mr. and Mrs. Whitlock to arrive.

We were lining up and were getting ready to enter the hall when Bella leaned into my side and whispered into my ear, "I picked the song for our entrance too, it might remind you of something, I don't know, but I thought the song fit."

I quirked my eyebrow at her, "And you would tell me this because..."

She shrugged, "I don't know," but she didn't elaborate.

Behind us Alice was bouncing up and down and Jasper was grinning ear to ear. "I can't believe we're finally married," she gushed as she tugged on his arm. "I mean really married."

I cleared my throat and turned around, "It was bound to happen sooner or later Alice, but congratulations all the same, to the both of you."

Alice smirked, "When you get married, I better be the maid of honour, and then I can return the sentiments back, to the both of you."

I turned around, choosing to ignore Alice's comment, but hoping that in the future she would be right. Bella didn't say anything, but I knew that she had heard Alice.

Just then the music started, announcing our arrival. The song_ 'The Way you Look Tonight' _by Frank Sinatra played though the entire hall.

I turned my attention to Bella, wondering how much of that night she actually remembered. She smiled up at me, and just before I opened my mouth to speak, Alec's voice broke though the speakers.

"Introducing Edward Cullen and the always delectable, Isabella Swan, as the Best Man and the Maid of Honour."

Bella continued to stare up at me, ignoring that we were called up. I, however, could not ignore the fact that Alec had called Bella 'delectable.' I new she was, but I couldn't shake the idea of knowing he still harboured feelings for her.

But when Bella turned away, I realized the look that I had given her wasn't what she was expecting as she pulled me forward through the great doors. Neither of us smiling when we walked in and saw the guests in front of us.

During dinner, Bella kept her body turned away from mine, and her words with me limited. Every once in a while when I would ask her about something, usually unimportant things regarding the meal, she would only give me one or two word answers.

When the dance finally rolled around, and Alice was bouncing on her toes wondering what we had chosen for her and Jasper, I hooked my hand in Bella's giving it a squeeze only to have it returned with and uneasy smile.

"Ladies and Gentleman, I'd like to introduce Mr. and Mrs. Whitlock as they will now dance their first dance as husband and wife."

_'You're Still the One' _erupted though the giant speakers, and Alice and Jasper glowed as they took the dance floor.

Bella turned her body into mine, for maybe the first time since we entered the hall, but I'm pretty sure she did it subconsciously.

Their dance ended and the entire wedding party was announced once again and for the final time that night. _'Hey Ya'_ by Outkast broke though and the entire wedding party was forced to dance, to which I am sure we all made fools of ourselves, thankfully I was feeling good at the time, otherwise I wouldn't have made it out there on my own.

But after that, Bella seemed to gravitate away from me and stuck close to Rose and Alice for the rest of the night. The girls danced to _'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' _by Cindy Lauper and us guys made bigger idiots of ourselves than we already were by ripping up the dance floor to Chuck Berry's _'Johnny B. Goode.' _Toward the end of the night, Alice and Carlisle danced the traditional father-daughter dance to the song that we had chosen, '_In my Daughter's Eyes' _by Martina McBride.

The guests were beginning to move out, more than likely to the after party at our family home. Just as I was getting up to call the limo driver to bring the car around, Alec announced, "This next song is dedicated to the Maid of Honour and the Best Man."

I looked around surprised at the dedication and wondering where Bella was before I found her standing on the other side of the room, looking at me just as shocked as I was. It wasn't until something, or rather someone; stab me in the side that I finally moved. Looking over my shoulder I found Esme smiling slyly as she continued to push me in Bella's direction.

"Go Edward, like we said, it's now or never." I just started down at my mother and knew that it was _now_. Smiling down at her, I took the steps across the room to where Bella stood.

"Ms. Swan," I said as I held out my hand to her once I reached her. Finally, which seemed hesitantly to me, she put her hand in mine and allowed me to pull her onto the floor. The song that Alice and Esme had dedicated to us was _'Running' _by No Doubt.

"Having fun tonight?" I asked, trying to lighten the tension that was there.

"Oh yeah, tons," but that was answered with obvious sarcasm.

"Bella, what's wrong? You seemed fine earlier and last night. Did something happen?"

She smiled, "No of course not Edward, nothing's wrong. Nothing is ever wrong; we're always fine – _just _fine. I'm just tired, tired of all of this."

I was confused; she was tired of all of this? Alice and Esme had done most of the work; she'd been here what, helping out for a week.

"Tired of what, the wedding? You've helped out for what, a week? What's wrong Bella?"

Bella stared at me, her eyes narrowing in anger. "What's that supposed to mean? That I'm not a very good Maid of Honour and that I haven't helped out enough? Where was I this whole time? That I'm not in a relationship so how and the hell do I know anything about love, so what right does that give me to be a Maid of Honour?"

I didn't say anything, afraid of saying anything at all. "Of course not Bella, who said that to you?"

Bella just shrugged it off nonchalantly, "Nobody, look that's not the point. The point is...I don't know what the point is. Just, never mind alright?"

"Bella, I don't get why you're so upset. I'm tired of trying to read your signals. At one point we're fine; we're friends just like before. Than the next you're playing music that I didn't even think you remembered, and then you're upset and ignoring me and pissed off about wedding details when the weddings practically over! Make up your mind, what are you feeling right now?"

I stared down at Bella; I was seriously tired of this, of her and her mood swings. We had to settle this once and for all.

I never noticed that the music had stopped, and it seemed that Bella did at that exact same time because it was at that point that she pulled away from me.

"Edward, we both know that I wasn't upset about the wedding." The words she spoke came out so quietly before she stormed off the floor and back to the main table to collect her things. She marched out of the hall and ignored everyone around her.

The after party was mostly close friends and family having a few late night cocktails. Alice and Jasper had left to their honeymoon and the rest of us were winding down from the long day and were calling it a night.

Bella collected here things from the house and thanked Carlisle and Esme for the day before leaving out the door. We hadn't said anything to each other all night since the dance. Emmett glanced back and forth between the two of us, and gave me this look as if to say 'Go after her you dumbass.'

I sighed and jumped up doing just that; once again chasing after a girl that may or may not even love me back.

"Bella!" I yelled out her name, disturbing the peaceful fall atmosphere and startling her just as she was getting into the passenger seat of her car. I smiled as I noticed that Angela was giving her a ride home, mentally thanking her for taking care of Bella in her intoxicated state when she wouldn't let me do it.

"Edward?" She asked after she told Angela to give her a couple of minutes.

"That's it? You're just leaving? You don't even maybe want to stay the night?" I asked out of breath, having just run across the yard to reach her before she left.

Bella sighed and gave out this tired moan, "I'm tired of all this Edward. I'm exhausted and I'm...I'm just tired."

I could feel her pulling away again, and it pissed me off even more. "You're tired?" I yelled out in anger, "You're tired? Do you have any idea how much I've been going over this and over this in my head for the last...seven years? I'm tired too Bella, but I'm still holding on aren't I? Lord knows why, but I am."

Bella looked taken aback at my outburst. She swallowed and stepped back squaring her shoulders and narrowing her eyes at me, "What are you talking about Edward?" Now she was trying to play blind, I had enough.

"You know very damn well what I'm talking about Bella, just like I knew what you were talking about at the wedding."

Bella laughed humorlessly, "Now you want to bring this up? I've been trying to open up to you since I've been home and you've done nothing, _nothing_, but coil away from me! I'm tired of laying myself out there. I've done it so many times only to be rejected, and I've had enough!"

I barked back, "You had enough? Bella, when have you ever put yourself out there?" But I knew when she had the moment the words left my mouth.

"Seattle. All those years ago I knew, and you pulled away. Again in college you rejected me, told me that we were friends and introduced me to Rachel. Sure I was with Riley then, but that didn't stop the fact that I put myself out there did it? I went to your grad, went out of my way to find out when it was, even after you didn't show up for mine. I'm tired Edward, and frankly, I'm done," she sighed and turned her body away from mine.

He voice had become weaker throughout her speech, and she had turned back toward her car. I wanted to speak up, but she was right. She had put herself out there so many times, and I was the one to pull back. I wanted to be mad at her, but she was the one trying, while I always held myself in; afraid to give in fully to her, to love.

When she opened her door, she turned and smirked at me, "You know at Thanksgiving just a few years ago, I felt guilty for what happened, what we did to Rachel and Riley, but I didn't regret it. Not for a single second. What I felt was hope, hope that we'd see each other again, that we'd work. But no matter how many times I continue to try, to hope, you always let go. I'm tired of hanging on; I'm going back to New York in a couple of days. I'm spending time with Charlie then I'm leaving from Seattle...My jobs in New York, my stuff's in New York, I have a life there, it's time I get back to it."

I stood frozen in my spot, and just watched as she got in the car and drove off, away from me for good, leaving her hope behind and going to a future without me back to New York.

&/

_June 1997_

_ "Esme, can I ask you a question?" Bella asked my mother while we were sitting out on the back deck, soaking in the sun and enjoying our frozen Capri Suns. We were happy that we had just made it through the sixth grade, and were really excited that summer was finally here._

_ Since Bella's mom wasn't around so much anymore, Bella got used to asking Esme questions here and there everyday, usually about female things. It was then that I liked to slink away and ignore the women of the household. _

_ Mom chuckled, "You just did sweetheart, but go ahead and ask another." _

_ Bella perked up, "How can you get a boy to notice you?" She seemed to calm asking my mother this question; I however choked on my icy treat at her question. _

_ Mom just smiled, "Why do you ask Isabella?" I could see the amusement behind her eyes, like she was in on some secret that only a mother would know. _

_ Bella just shrugged, "I don't know I was just wondering. My mom's not here, so I don't really get to ask her these questions everyday, you know?" _

_ I looked back and forth between mom and Bella. Bella couldn't like somebody could she? I mean, I told her about Tanya all the time, and we talked about everything. School, books, TV and movies; how could she never have mentioned this before? My best friend Bella didn't like guys. _

_ Mom pulled up a stool beside Bella and asked her if she was being herself, and if the boy she liked was someone that she saw everyday. As Bella answered these questions, I tried my best to try and figure out who she was talking about, and the only person I could think of was Tommy. But Bella hated Tommy with a passion after he threw her off the slide in fourth, why would she like him?_

_ Frustrated and not wanting to hear the girl talk, I pushed my chair away and walked upstairs to find Emmett. I knocked on his door a couple of times, learning from the last time not to barge right in because you never know what he'd be doing alone._

_ When he finally answered, I walked in and sat by the window, looking down on the porch and watching as mom and Bella giggled about something here and there. _

_ "Why are girls so complicated?" I asked Emmett in mid thought. He stopped tuning his guitar and looked up at me with raised eyebrows; he was shocked I even brought the topic up._

_ "Because Ed Man, if they weren't they'd all be easy, and not all of them are fun when they're easy." He laughed, but I had no idea what he was getting at so I arched one eyebrow in confusion and left to the next man in the house. _

_ Carlisle was seated in his study with his glasses on and looked content as he perched over his work and studied his book. I didn't want to interrupt, but I had a few questions myself. _

_ "Dad," he jilted his head up and smiled at the sound of my voice coming from the doorway, "Do you got a minute?" I asked as I cautiously moved deeper into the room. _

_ He simply nodded and took off his glasses, "Sure, I always have time for you kiddo, what's up?" _

_ I cleared my throat and took a seat, "Bella likes someone, Bella has never liked someone before, and it's weird. I don't really know what to think right now, Bella's always been a friend of mine, and right now she's just been acting all weird around me, like she doesn't want to tell me something. It's getting annoying; we've always talked about everything before." _

_ Carlisle sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose before he smiled and pulled his hand away from his face and turned to face me. He grinned and placed his hand on my shoulders as he said the next words that I'd never forget, because at the time, I didn't understand a single thing he meant by them. _

_ He said, "Things will change from here on out kid, hang on. You'll see things differently in a whole new light. You're at about that age where you'll look at things differently, and when you realize it, she'll still be there; the same in your eyes, but different too. Hang on to it, and you'll love the ride."_

_ I looked at him like he was crazy because he hadn't helped me at all. I just nodded once, as confused as ever, and got up and left the study. I headed downstairs where Bella and Alice were sitting in the kitchen eating the freshly baked cookies that mom had made. _

_ I shrugged, joined them, and forgot what I was even worried about when Bella looked up and smiled at me. _

_&/_

It had been two days since Alice and Jasper's wedding. They had called to tell us that they had gotten to their destination safe and sound and that they would check in again in a few days.

Emmett and Rose weren't set to head back to New York for another week, and mom and dad loved the full house once again.

I couldn't get my last conversation with Bella out of my head. I had been having the same dreams every time I shut my eyes. Bella and I were kids again, and each time, no matter what age, I knew I loved her. But the one dream that kept coming up was when she went to Esme and asked for help talking to a boy, and how I over reacted and panicked at the thought of her with someone not me.

As I thought back to that day, I now understood both Emmett and Carlisle's comments. Emmett being the vile ass that he is of course only thought about one thing, but Carlisle, being with Esme so long, had a lot more insight.

I hadn't told Emmett about what had happened between Bella and me, but I knew that he could tell something was up. But he didn't pry – surprisingly.

I lied in bed, staring up at the ceiling, just thinking in deep thought about everything that I had done and hadn't, about things that we'd been though, and about what could have been, basically beating myself up for everything – until the door burst open.

Startled, I jumped up and turned to see a very pissed off Rosalie standing there with her hands on her hips as she towered over me, intimidating my very existence in one single look.

"Rosalie," I greeted her with one single nod, afraid of where she wanted to take this encounter. Despite my greeting, Rosalie just glared.

"Edward, what happened with Bella?" She was scary when she became demanding.

I blinked a couple of times, debating what I could hide with a silent lie, but by the way Rosalie was staring at me, something told me that she already knew.

"She's leaving to New York today," she simply stated, and at my blank stare she smirked. "Yeah, she called me this morning to say that she'd see me back in New York and that Charlie was dropping her off at the airport this afternoon." She left the room before I could speak up.

I sat there, staring off into space knowing that I'd blown it yet again. I wanted her to go. I did. I wanted her to become what she wanted, to live the life she wanted, just like I did in high school. But I didn't anymore. I was tired of being selfless, just like she was, because in the end, we both hurt. I had to be selfish, for the both of us.

With that epiphany, I hastily got up off the bed and reached for my phone and scrolled down until I found her number. But when I finally did hear the dial tone, it went straight to voice mail.

"Damnit, Bella!" I cursed out loud as I sprung for the door and ran to the car. I hoped I would make it to Bella in time.

I drove past her house, but the police chief's cruiser had already left. I sped up faster, hoping that I'd make it in time.

When I made it to the highway, I punched the foot pedal and felt the car accelerate. The next thing I knew I was rushing into the airport. Stopping two seconds to check the boards, I stopped dead in my tracks; the flight to New York had just boarded and was about to take off.

Frozen, I turned and stood in my place. On the entire way here I couldn't think up anything to say, but I knew Bella, and when I saw her all that I wanted to say would come out.

But now she was gone, and I had no idea where to move on from here.

"Edward?"

To my left, Charlie Swan was walking from the terminal. He was alone, probably coming from seeing his daughter off back to her life.

"Chief Swan," I greeted with a nod, already knowing that he'd correct me and insist that I call him Charlie after all these years.

"Edward, how long have we known each other? Please call me Charlie," see, just like I predicted. I nodded once and looked back up at the board, willing it to change.

"I didn't know you were going back to Chicago today, Son." Charlie mused aloud, making me think back to Chicago. The life I had there, alone in my apartment where I wake up each day and go to work; a monotonous life. I wanted more, more than what Chicago offered.

"I'm not," I unknowingly answered as I scrolled the times for the next flight out to New York. I didn't follow Bella the first time, and I'd be damned if I'd let her got again.

I smiled when I found the next flight time and turned to Charlie, "I'm off to New York."

&/

"Rose," I breathed into the phone when I finally landed in New York. It was somewhere around eight fifteen our time, so that meant it had to be eleven pm here.

"Edward, where are you? You sound distant?" Rose sounded irritated, like she was doing something when I called, probably painting her nails or something else equally as vain.

"I'm getting in a cab at JFK, I need you to text me Bella's address," I sighed as I stood on the curb watching all the passing lights.

"What? Edward, what are you doing in New York?" Now Rose sounded interested. I sighed, "What do you think, Rose? I need Bella's address."

Rosalie groaned, "I don't know where she is Edward. She could be at her old apartment which is in Brooklyn, or she could be at the new place with Riley talking things over, I have no idea. But I'd say Brooklyn because I know that she already moved most of her stuff into storage." I nodded even though I knew she couldn't see me.

"Okay, thanks Rose," I thanked her as I hung up the phone, anxious to get the address. My phone beeped no more than a minute later with the address.

I told the cab driver the address that Rose had provided me with, and sat back, my leg bouncing up and down in my seat. I sat like this most of the flight, but as I got closer and closer to Bella, I felt the calm seep in, but at the same time my nerves shot up. This must have been what Jasper felt as he prepared to march toward Alice and their future.

The cab pulled up and by that time it was just a quarter past mid night. The street was loud as buses past by the intersection down the road. New York was a hell of a lot different from Forks, but the Forks girl managed seemed to stay the same in my eyes.

Just as I was walking into her building, a neighbour of hers was walking out. I was able to run in behind them before the door closed and locked me out.

I ran up the stairs, not wanting to wait for the elevator. Bella's building was an older one, and I couldn't quite make out the numbers in the stair well, but when I did find hers on the fourth floor, I stopped for a second to catch my breath.

Once I could think straight, I walked into the hallway and searched for her apartment number. Her place was at the end of the hall, and when I found the door that read '420' I hoped that I wasn't too late.

I knocked a couple of times and when the door finally opened, Bella stood there and stared wide eyed at me. She was wearing a tank top, a pair of pyjama pants, and her hair was pulled back. Bella blinked a couple of times, taking in my appearance.

"Edward, how'd you..." She stammered off, stunned. She crossed her arms and tried to cover herself, and I suddenly became aware she might not be alone. I clearly hadn't thought this through.

I cleared my throat, "You left without saying goodbye this time."

Bella averted her gaze and looked down, "I...I thought we said all that we had to say..." her voice broke twice when she spoke.

I scoffed and smirked down at her, "When have you ever said all that you had to say?"

Bella stared back up me and narrowed, clearly not amused, "What are you doing in New York, Edward?" This time her voice had not wavered, apparently trying to joke around with her did not go over so well. I reached for her hands to hold them in mine, to try a different approach.

"Bella, you left before we could really talk," she nodded twice as she took her bottom lip in between her teeth, clearly contemplating something. Just by looking into her eyes I could tell she was fighting with herself.

"I didn't know we still had to talk. We've been talking for years now, what else is there to say?" I could tell Bella was getting impatient because she was starting to shift on her feet, preparing to close the door.

"The truth maybe," I said as I shot out my arm to prevent her from closing the door. Bella looked agitated, "Edward, I'm tired and jet lags a bitch, so please can I go to sleep, I have a long day tomorrow."

I sighed and shook my head, taking a step deeper into her apartment, "Will you at least let me in then, because I don't have no where to go, or anything with me but the clothes on my back and the wallet in my pocket."

Bella thought for a couple of seconds before she nodded and opened the door wider for me to enter her apartment. It was small and resembled a hollow den. As soon as you stepped into the place, you were greeted by a lime green entry way, and to your right you found her empty but bright white and lime green kitchen. Further into the apartment I noticed that there was a bathroom door in the corner of the apartment right by the bedroom. Boxes were stacked here and there throughout the apartment; clearly she was just starting to move back from the apartment in the city with Riley.

"I'll set up the couch in the living room for you. It's small, but comfortable. I'm sorry about the boxes here and there; I just started to bring stuff in from storage after my flight landed today," Bella said as she brought over blankets from the closet.

"No, this is great, I'm sure it'll be perfect." I answered her as I took the blankets off her hands. The two of us stood awkwardly in the middle of her living room, neither of us speaking a single syllable.

"Well," Bella cleared her throat, "I'm going back to bed, goodnight," she turned abruptly and started for the hallway.

When had we got to this? There was once a time where Bella and I could tell each other everything. We would have sleepovers and spend the night in each others bed like it wasn't a problem; even in high school I would come to her and talk about anything – from school to Tanya, from my parents and Emmett to the latest teacher that was pissing me off. Now, here we were just two people who barely spoke anymore and would rather go through and entire awkward moment then say what we really feel.

"When did we become this, Bella?" I asked her before she reached the entrance to the hallway. Bella stalled and turned back to face me, a look of sadness and defeat on her face. "I honestly don't know, Edward." She whispered, she knew exactly what I was talking about.

"I mean, there was a time where I could tell you everything, and now I can't even stand in a room with you for too long because it hurts too much; seeing you hurts too much." she whispered as she looked down at her hands and a tear slipped down the side of her face.

"There was a time I could call you in the middle of the night, or bike all the way across town just to fucking see you." I admitted, remembering all the times I had showed up outside Bella's window well after the chief had fallen asleep just to hang out or watch a movie. I missed those days.

"Nobody said you had to stop," she smiled sadly. I shrugged, "You left to travel the world, I let you find yourself and during that time I found Rachel and you found Riley. Things changed, so yeah we had to stop."

"I was never sorry for kissing you in Seattle. I was sorry for forcing you when you clearly weren't ready for that, and I was sorry for making myself vulnerable, but I was never sorry for the kiss."

I sob escaped from Bella as she wiped at her eyes, "You know that night when we played in Seattle I waited after the show. I waited looking around for you, just hoping that you'd show up and tell me..." she shook her head meekly, "But you didn't, and that's when I decided that I'd get on that bus and see you when I came home."

My heart broke even more, I remembered seeing her, searching for someone – now I knew that someone was me.

"Bella, I was at that show...watching my best friend come out of her shell more than ever up on that stage, you were great." I smiled at her, trying to reassure her. Bella just blushed and shook her head again, always doubting herself.

I walked up to her and wrapped her in my arms, "Bella, how come you never believe in yourself? You were beautiful up there, it's no wonder Riley wants to spend the rest of his life with you." _I know I do_, I thought to myself. Bella dropped her head to my shoulder and cried harder.

I'm not sure how long we stood like that, but the next thing I knew her cell phone was ringing on the table and she was pulling away from me to answer it. I remained where I was and just stared at the wall in front of me as I heard Bella speak into the phone.

"Hello? Oh Hi...Yeah, thanks my flight was great...yeah I picked up some stuff today..." Bella's voice sounded strained, so she couldn't be talking to her father. It had to be someone she new in New York. I heard Bella walk past me and to her room, but she didn't shut the door so I continued to hear the rest of the conversation.

"No, the wedding was beautiful...I can stop by tomorrow...why, how much stuff is left?" Her question set me off, she was talking to Riley, the man that wanted to marry her, the man that was perfect for her. I _loved _her too and she needed to know it, _now, _before I lost her again.

I stormed down the hall to where her room was and pushed open her door. Bella was sitting on the bed, her phone in one hand, and her other hand pulling through her hair. When I opened the door, Bella looked up at me, her eyes opening wide, alarmed.

She stopped talking and sat up straighter, still holding the phone to her ear. Riley was still talking on the other end but she didn't seem to hear him. We just looked at each other, and honestly, I didn't think this through, and now I was standing in Bella's room.

"Riley, I have to go," Bella said as she hung up, never once breaking eye contact with me.

We continued to look at each other, searching the other's eyes so intently, I was sure I would crumble soon. "Edward," she said once she finally spoke, "I never wanted to marry Riley; I knew I never wanted to marry Riley. He may have wanted to marry me, and I love him for that, but I never wanted to marry him." Bella still held my eyes with hers, and she sounded one hundred percent sincere.

I smiled at her and reached forward and pulled her up to me, to which she easily complied. Wrapping my arms around her waist I brought her body against mine, both of our breathing quickened.

"Edward, how will this work, I mean you're in Chicago and I'm in New York. We have jobs, I just broke up with Riley, and if this doesn't work our friends might feel like they have to choos-."

I cut her off and brought her lips to mine. For seven long years I had been running thoughts of why Bella and I would never work in my head, and now when we'd finally seemed to reach a point where we were on the same page, I wouldn't have her running on those thoughts too.

Bella's lips against mine were heaven. At first she was shocked and frozen at the initial contact, and then she gave in and threw herself in the kiss. Our lips pressed together and I poured all the emotion I had bottled up for her inside of me. During Thanksgiving, Bella and I had entered territory we weren't allowed to enter at the time, and now here we were two adults finally free to let it all out.

When we finally pulled apart for air, I could feel a small smile pulling up at the corners of my lips. Opening my eyes, Bella's large dark orbs haunted me as she started deeply into mine too. "What're you thinking about right now, Love?"

Bella smiled at be and stood up on her toes and placed a chaise kiss on my nose. "I'm thinking about...how much I love you," my heart stopped and Bella swallowed thickly, "About how much I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember."

My breath hitched and I could feel my heart pounding. After all these god damn years of drinking and pain and heartache and uncertainty, Bella Swan loved me back. My heart soared.

After I hadn't said anything, Bella's face broke and started to fall. Quickly recovering myself, I pulled her impossibly closer to me and kissed her hard. Hoping that she read into that kiss and how much I loved her too, and just in case she didn't I said it anyways.

I pulled away and tilted her chin up slightly just so I could look in her eyes and said the words I'd been dying to set free since I could remember, words that I knew I'd get out eventually, even if it killed me. "Isabella Swan, I love you too. I always have"

Bella smiled with tears brimming in her eyes and wrapped her arms around my neck, "Good, because I'd castrate you if you didn't say it back," she said causing us both to laugh aloud hysterically.

Grinning down at her I beamed, "There's my girl."

Bella and I had been with each other through thick and thin. Ever since I could remember she was always there, always standing by my side and always holding onto my heart. I pushed her away to give her what she deserved, what I always thought she wanted; little did I know she wanted me in return.

Together we would figure out where we went from here, where we'd go together in life. Later we would decide what we were going to do, but right now all that mattered was that I had my best friend safe in my arms. This was the same girl that walked with me through our meadow, the girl that I would go to every night just to watch a movie or play a hand of cards, the one that stole my heart before I even knew she had it. She would always be my best friend, my soul mate, my girl.

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**There you have it! To be honest I am going to miss this story. It's my first completed story, and I know it was short (but I considered it kinda long since the chapters were really long) but I really liked it. So what did you think? Please leave all your comments and whatever else you want to say in a review, I love them all. **

**Once again, thank you for reading, you mean the world to me, and please if you liked this story, can you give my other story a read, it's titled Colorblind and I will be picking up with it again as soon as possible. Remember there is an epilogue to follow and will be posted within the next couple of days, maybe sooner ;) **

**Thank you all for seeing this through with me till the end :)**

**~JustAGirl93  
**


	7. Epilogue: All Cause of You

**TWILIGHT BELONGS TO SM **

**And finally I give you, the epilogue of All My Days...**

**P.S./ I didn't edit or go over it, so sorry about that in advance if you find mistakes...  
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**Epilogue: All Cause of You**

_3 years later... _

**BPOV**

"Edward," I called as soon as I walked into our Chicago apartment. After Alice and Jasper's wedding, Edward and I decided that we would try the whole long distance relationship thing. But I hated the fact that we were so far apart. We'd had gone through enough of that already.

Two months into that, and I knew that it was a really rash decision, I packed up the rest of my apartment and left my life in New York behind, because if I'm being honest with myself, my life had been in Chicago all along.

Growing up and being in love with Edward wasn't the easiest thing in the world, especially when he dated Tanya. I had to sit on the side and listen to him go on and on about how perfect she was. When in reality, nobody was perfect in high school. I know I wasn't, but for some reason she was to him, just like Edward was to me.

Trying to date Alec and get over Edward wasn't as easy as I hoped it would be. Most of the time I was forcing myself to laugh at his jokes, but before I knew it he had become someone that ended up caring for. Alec was my first boyfriend, at first he was a good one, but that ended sourly very quickly.

By the end of that relationship I was completely and utterly embarrassed – by both at how the relationship turned out to be, and at the fact that I still loved Edward even after all this time.

At first when I made the tour, I was conflicted about what my decision would be. I wanted to go to school with all my friends, but I had a feeling that that would be just the same as high school was – pining over my best friend who wouldn't look twice in my direction.

So in the end, I decided that it would be best to leave and start off fresh, even if it was just for a little while. Edward was upset at my decision of course, but I needed it for me. I had to find out who I was without Edward Cullen.

The whole time I was away Edward was on my mind. I made lots of friends, some of which I still keep in touch with. But when I met Riley, everything changed. He had left someone back home too, but the only difference was that he actually dated the person.

I told Riley about Edward, how I loved him, and how much he never even noticed I existed. In fact, it was actually Riley who had encouraged me to talk with Edward, and to tell him how I felt when we stopped in Seattle.

I told myself that I was going to tell him that night, and I was, but first I had to make sure he felt even remotely the same way. When he didn't return my advances I knew he didn't feel the same way I did. He didn't come to the show the next night, he didn't come and look for me, so I left with Riley, and the entire ride on the bus to Texas, he let me cry on his shoulder.

My heart ache hurt, it hurt a lot. There were many times I would stay up crying, just missing him. It was Riley by my side each night, holding my hand. In time I began to love Riley, not like I loved Edward, but I did love him for putting me back together. I loved him for being my friend. It felt like we had to be together.

After the tour, I attended Seattle U with Edward. I had the time of my life. The tour was a great experience sure, but when I was in Seattle I knew that I missed out on a whole year of that while I was searching for myself. Now sure, I learned a lot and had grown up in so many ways, but I would have loved to spend as much time with Edward and our friends as possible.

He started dating Rachel, and while I hoped that it wouldn't hurt since I was with Riley, it still did. When I left, I was both saddened and relieved. I was sad because that meant that my time with Edward was coming to an end, but I was relieved because I wouldn't have to see him with Rachel anymore. It was a win-lose situation.

I missed Seattle all the while when I was in New York. I did love being with Riley and he made me happy, but I missed my friends and the life I had built in my short time in Seattle.

So, when Thanksgiving came in 2007, and Edward and I went to the meadow, I felt alive for the very first time. All I saw was him; the rest of the world had disappeared. Feeling Edward holding me and the look in his eyes, really made me feel like he loved me. Everything that I had even wanted was right there in that moment.

Then, I felt the ring. At first I didn't know what it was; I thought my eyes were deceiving me. But, he himself admitted what it was. My heart broke into a million little pieces. He didn't love me like I thought he did, he was just using me.

I marched off that day, pissed off at both him and myself. I was mad at him because he played me like a fool. I was mad at myself because I became vulnerable in that moment. I almost told him how I'd felt about him, how I'd always felt about him. But most importantly, I was mad at myself for what I just did to Riley and Rachel. He was great to me; he always made me feel loved. He never had me second guess his love for me. And Rachel was always kind and giving, she didn't deserve that either. I was an awful person.

My love for Edward made me an awful person.

So I pushed him away. I loved him so much, but even he had to see that all we did was hurt ourselves and other people. I ignored everything he said in the meadow that day, even though I wanted to scream my love for him.

He proposed to Rachel that year, and my world crumbled in front of my very eyes. I was on mute for the rest of the year, living like a hermit in my own body. Riley questioned it, but I always gave the same answer: "I'm fine." Deep down, I knew he knew that something happened between me and Edward.

When my grad approached, it should have been the happiest day in my schooling career. I was done, I survived all the early morning nights of working on papers, all the late night study cram sessions, all the professors and their gruelling assignments.

But when I looked into the crowd as I shook the hand of the school's board, I felt empty. The one person who should have been celebrating with me wasn't there. Sure, I hadn't invited him, but I wanted him there none the less.

So, maybe it was a bad decision, but I went to Edward's grad. I knew what it felt like not having your childhood best friend there, and I wanted to be there for him. Edward and I hadn't talked since thanksgiving, and maybe I should have just stayed away instead of going, but like the masochist I was, I had to be the bigger person and make the first step.

I stood in the back so he and his family didn't see me. Smiling with pride, I left before I would meet up with everyone and before I would end up being forced to go to some dinner I'm sure Alice had planned.

Feeling nostalgic, I made one last stop while at Seattle U. I walked to the quad where Edward and I had spent most of our free time while I was here. Just standing there I could feel my heart bleeding out of my chest. We had come so far from where we were then. Now we were bitter. And I was worn out and tired.

Imagine my surprise when I did run into him. I had to be honest with myself though, I wanted to see him, that's the main reason why I showed up.

Our first conversation in seven months wasn't as painful as I thought it would be – it was worse. I wanted to cry, and I wanted him to hold me like he used to do. But I knew that wasn't possible.

When I got back to New York, things with me and Riley were strained. He didn't want me to go in the first place, but I did. Things after that began to unravel and I think that's when he realized that I would always love Edward Cullen.

Despite all that, Riley had a ring. I found it right before we were to leave for Alice's wedding. The sight of the ring made me panic. I wanted to run in the other direction. I knew that feeling wasn't right.

When I confronted him about it, he smiled, got down on one knee and just asked. I felt nothing. When I didn't say yes, Riley and I argued for so long. He blamed Edward. I cried; it was the same with Alec, as it would be with every guy I'd ever date. They'd blame Edward for the reason as to why I couldn't love them.

Deciding it was for the best, Riley stayed in New York to move out of the apartment, and I would go to Alice's wedding alone.

I dreaded going home. I didn't want to face Edward and Rachel, I didn't want to see Alice and Jasper in all their newlywed bliss, and I didn't want to see Esme and Carlisle – the perfect picture couple. They had everything I ever wanted.

But my trip wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. And when Edward followed me to New York, I knew that things were finally starting to change.

Two months in, I accepted the promotion and specifically asked if my magazine would transfer me to Chicago. After negotiations, they agreed and I was off to start living my life. I hadn't told Edward about the move, so imagine his surprise when I showed up on his doorstep with my things. We did a lot of celebrating that night.

"Edward," I called again as I looked for him through our place. Edward still worked with the company he was with, and I was still with my magazine. "Edward, I have some great news!" I exclaimed as I walked into our bedroom where I found him changing out of his work attire.

"Hello love," he said as he leaned in and kissed me lightly on the lips.

"Hi," I said breathlessly while I too began to become a lot more comfortable. "Alice called me at work today," I said while I changed. "She told me some great news about you brother and Rosalie. They're pregnant! Can you believe it? After all these years the two of them have finally created a life?"

I thought it was great news, but Edward seemed to be lost in thought.

"Edward? Hello, earth to Mr. Cullen!" I teased as tossed a pillow towards him. He seemed to snap out of it and smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"That's great for them. We'll have to call them later to congratulate them." I knew something was wrong.

"Edward what is it? Something's wrong," he couldn't lie to me, I knew him better than anyone.

"Just work stuff that's all." He sighed and left it at that.

I found this extremely strange. Usually when Edward and I got home from work, I'd cook dinner, we'd eat watch TV or a movie. On good days we'd go out alone or meet up with Craig and Nicole. Something was definitely wrong because he went to bed early, he didn't even turn on the TV.

The rest of the week was like that. He'd come home and I'd cook. When we'd go to bed he wouldn't hold me at night like he usually did. I was becoming worried.

I talked to Esme; she talked about how excited Rose and Em were. They had been trying to have a family for some time, and finally became the lucky couple they always wanted to be.

Finally, after two weeks of this, Edward snapped out of his daze.

I was home before he was which wasn't usually common since my work was further away than his was. I was sitting in the living room, browsing through the channels when he slammed the door behind him. The next thing I knew Edward was standing in front of me, frantically looking me over.

I'd never been scared of Edward before, but suddenly I was afraid that _I'd_ done something to upset him.

"Edward what's gotten into you?" I asked after he started pacing in front of the TV. Stopping, he turned around and turned it off before turning back to face me again.

"If you're not happy you'd tell me right?" Edward had never asked me such an absurd question before; I was at a loss for words.

"What? Edward, what are you talking about?"

Speaking to me like I was a child, he repeated himself, "I said that, if you are unhappy, you would tell me right?" Edward looked just as scared as I felt.

"What ever gave you the idea that I'm unhappy, Edward?" I was the happiest I'd ever been in my life. These last three years had been great. He was seriously confusing me.

"Look, Bells, I know I haven't been the best boyfriend these past couple of weeks, but work has just been riding me up the wall. But today at work a co-worker of mine was talking about how his wife just left him. He said that she had explained that it was because he was ignoring her for his work and that she was unhappy." Edward's eyes were boring into mine then. Suddenly, I understood his worry and stress.

"I began thinking about you. Bella, I always want for you to be happy, you know that right? If you were to leave because I was stupid enough to ignore you for some job, I don't know what I'd do. I love you so much; I don't want to lose you. You're my world, I can't lose you." He was whispering now, and I was crying.

"Edward," I spoke after I could find my voice, "You have no idea how much I love you, do you? You're everything to me, and with in these last three years, you've made me the happiest I've ever been in my entire life."

Edward crashed his lips to mine and I felt every emotion he had in that instant. I felt his tears mix with mine; we were baring our hearts to each other all over again.

It was after that day that Edward hadn't ignored me for work again. He had said that work belonged in the office and that it shouldn't affect anyone's home life. I agreed with him wholeheartedly, but that didn't stop me from feeling smothered from time to time.

One day I had enough and told him how I felt. He felt bad and of course hid himself away from me for awhile, but it didn't take long for us to get that sorted out. Soon we were back to the way we were before all that had happened.

"Bella, do we really have to watch that movie again?" he groaned as I was pulling out the DVD for _Rebel without a Cause. _

"And what is wrong with this movie Edward? Rosalie didn't have a problem watching it, and she's now seven months pregnant and can get anything she wants. And she usually hates this movie!"

Edward scoffed, "That's because her hormones are all backwards and she's not herself."

I rolled my eyes, "Please Edward, just let me enjoy my fill of James Dean now, then I can enjoy my fill of Edward Cullen later," I hoped I had smiled seductively, but that didn't seem to fly by Edward.

"But now I know you're going to be thinking of James Dean the whole time," he complained, "Now we definitely aren't watching this movie."

"Edward, how many times do I have to get this through your head, I don't have to think of James Dean when I have you!" I laughed at him while I grabbed the remote for the TV and began to make myself more comfortable.

"Well then, if you have me than you shouldn't have to watch movies like this." Edward took the remote out of my hand and tossed it on the coffee table.

"Hey," I cried as I reached for the remote, but Edward stopped me as he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into his lap.

"Can't you just let me watch my movie?"

Edward grinned as he shook his head and turned us around till he had me pinned underneath him against the couch. I tried to pull out of his grasp and grab for the remote, but Edward was having none of that.

"Edward," I chuckled, "Are you really intimidated by James Dean?"

Edward didn't find what I said to be too humorous because he just grunted, "How am I not supposed to be? He's the icon pretty boy of Hollywood that every other guy is compared to."

I rolled my eyes, "You are my James Dean, Edward Cullen. No one compares to that."

Edward kissed me then, ending that conversation.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me. Sliding my tongue against his bottom lip, I felt him giving in as he started to take control of the situation. I pulled away.

"Now can I watch my movie? Please, Edward, please?" I begged him as I kissed along his jaw and nibbled on his ear lobe. Groaning in defeat Edward handed me the remote, but not without a glare.

"I hate you," he muttered as he sat back into the couch. Grinning in triumph, I leaned over into his side and rested my head on his shoulder. "I love you too, baby."

Edward chuckled, "You're too beautiful for your own good you know that." I rolled my eyes, I was only ever beautiful to him, but I didn't want to get into that now.

"Edward, just look at Natalie Wood throughout the whole thing while I'm thinking about James Dean if it makes you feel any better."

He scoffed again, "How can I see Natalie Wood as an icon like you see James Dean after I've seen _Miracle on 34__th__ Street?_" he asked. I shrugged, "I don't know, how can you see me like that when you've seen me with one pig tail falling out and scrapes on my knees? It's the same thing."

Edward shook his head and disagreed, "No it's not the same thing. I love you silly, not Natalie Wood."

I turned my head and grinned up at Edward, "Ditto, Cullen, ditto."

Halfway through the movie, I could feel Edward's hands start gliding up and down my arms, ghosting against my skin. I was having serious problems paying attention at that point.

Edward started kissing his way along my shoulders and up my throat. I moaned at the sensation and pulled his lips back to mine. The movie was just getting to the good part, but I didn't care.

Edward pulled back a small fraction to look me in the eyes. I saw all the love I felt for him reflecting back. "Marry me," he whispered and I froze.

It wasn't a bad frozen state at all; I froze because I just wasn't sure I'd heard him correctly.

"Pardon?" I asked dumbly as I started back at him. Edward just smiled back at me, "Marry me."

I nodded once, that's what I thought he said. Waiting for the fear to emerge, I pondered what it would be like to marry him. I saw myself ten maybe twenty years into the future, doing exactly this. Just being with him, living in a house somewhere and watching movies. It'd be pretty much like we are now, only official. I've seen myself having his children once or twice, and I knew I loved him and no one else would ever compare. We'd have forever.

The fear I was waiting for never came like it did with Riley and I knew that this was forever. He was my forever, my life. We were ready.

I didn't have to think twice before my answer spurted out. "Yes." I grinned wrapping my arms around his neck, kissing him with everything I had in me. "Yes," I repeated again and again.

Edward grinned at me and held me close. This was perfect. It didn't have to be planned, just Edward and I together, being us. Simple and perfect.

"You have no idea how happy you've made me Bells."

"I think I have an idea," I laughed as I embraced the moment and relished in the fact that we were actually going to get married in the near future.

"I love you Mrs. Soon-to-be-Cullen. More than you know." But he was wrong, because I did know, because I've felt it all my life.

Ever since I could remember Edward Cullen was all I knew, all I focused on. Every decision I'd ever made was because of him. My reason of existing was because of him.

And now I was able to officially call him mine.

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**I've had fun with this and it is my first completed story (or novella, if you will) on FanFiction, and I hope you enjoyed it. I loved all you reviews, and please feel free to comment and criticize all you want (it helps all us writers improve). Thank you all for sticking with me, if you did that is, and stick around if you like my writing, I may just start a new story soon ;)**

**Again, thank you for reading, it's been real :) **

**_~JustAGirl93_**


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